The temple - passwords

I had a hard time understanding why our Heavenly Father would require anyone to know a password to obtain His glory and live with Him in the eternities, but that's what Mormonism teaches you in the temple. For those of you who want to be prepared just in case, it goes a little something like this:

"Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews, power in the priesthood be upon me and upon my posterity through all generations of time and throughout all eternity".

Assistant, "Eve", sentinel of the Veil 

OK, so there's a little more to "passing through the veil" than just that. You have to do the Freemason handshakes with someone who offers his or her hand to you from the other side of the veil, you have to summon that person by knocking, you have to be accompanied by a temple worker who acts as an intermediary between you and the hidden hand shaker. If you want to know how it all goes down just go to your favorite search engine and the mysteries of Heaven can be yours within seconds.

Why would God require all this bizarre back and forth and recitation of cryptic blabber about strong loins and generations? It made no sense to me. Where was Jesus waiting to accept me with open arms? Why did God have to send someone to open the doors to His Kingdom instead of coming Himself? Where was God in any of this?