My worthiness interview

It's absurd that members aren't given the temple recommend questions and told to assess themselves rather than having to sit down one on one with a non-discerning authority figure. If I were called into the bishop's office today to have a worthiness interview I think it would go something like this.

1. Do you believe in God, the Eternal Father, in his Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost; and do you have a firm testimony of the restored gospel?

I definitely don't believe in the Mormon gods. Claiming you're the offspring of total knowledge and power is ridiculous. Believing that you can physically harm someone for a few hours and have everyone's mistakes disappear is absurd. I'm not entirely sure what the Holy Ghost is but it sounds like supernatural malarkey. As far as I'm concerned the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is just an ugly latecomer branch to the tree of Christianity, definitely not a divine replanting.

2. Do you sustain the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the prophet, seer, and revelator; and do you recognize him as the only person on the earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys?

Thomas Monson has shared no prophesies, no visions, and has revealed nothing noteworthy to the world. I respect that he has inspired millions of people to be kind to one another, but his priesthood is imaginary and his authority exists only within the confines of belief within the worldly organization he represents.

3. Do you sustain the other General Authorities and the local authorities of the Church?

Of course not. These men have no divine authority. However I do feel sympathetic to many of their trials. Dedicating endless hours to other people's problems is not easy, and I applaud their sincere efforts to help other people feel loved and accepted. Those in authority who belittle others, pile on guilt, and needle their underlings for more money can do us all a favor and step in front of an oncoming train.

4. Do you live the law of chastity?

What I do with my genitals is absolutely none of your business. 

5. Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?

I hold a mild grudge against my father. I can't imagine you care, nor can I imagine you have advise that will help fix it.

6. Do you affiliate with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or do you sympathize with the precepts of any such group or individual?

Definitely. Every degree I've worked on has come from an institution who's teachings and practices are contrary to those of the Church. That includes BYU. Many of my close friends "teach" and "practice" things that are unaccepted by the Church. Members of my family often try to convince others of concepts and practices that go against the Church's teachings. I also advocate against many Church teachings.

7. Do you earnestly strive to do your duty in the Church; to attend your sacrament, priesthood, and other meetings; and to obey the rules, laws, and commandments of the gospel?

I acknowledge no duty to the Church and stopped attending years ago. The rules the Church has set up are of no account to me.

8. Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?

I use an online alias. I suppose I could be more straightforward there.

9. Are you a full-tithe payer?

I pay no money to the Church.

10. Do you keep the Word of Wisdom?

No. I like green and black teas and occasionally enjoy wine, beer, and other alcoholic beverages. I also eat too much meat.

11. Have you ever been divorced or are you now separated from your spouse under order of a civil court?

No.

12. If you have received your temple endowment -- (a) Do you keep all the covenants that you made in the temple? (b) Do you wear the authorized garments both day and night?

No. I am repulsed by the absurdity of the temple in all respects. I deplore it. I do not regard what is done there as sacred. I do not consider the covenants made there to be of any effect (especially considering how they are presented without previous disclosure and in a high pressure setting).

13. Has there been any sin or misdeed in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but has not?

I never should have gone to my priesthood leaders about any of my sins. Unfortunately I did. I talked privately with men about masturbation and dry humping my girlfriend. Those men didn't need to hear it. I should have shown more respect to myself and to my former girlfriend and kept it to myself.

14. Do you consider yourself worthy in every way to enter the temple and participate in temple ordinances?

I have no interest in participating in most temple ordinances. I would however like to attend marriages of friends and family. I definitely consider myself worthy of that - much more worthy than Joseph Smith the con man, fraud, emotional abuser and child molester ever was.