Showing posts with label Relief Society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relief Society. Show all posts

Saturday, January 17, 2015

My beloved brothers


Our dear matriarchs have often offered us men priceless advice on how to best prepare for the blessings and responsibilities the Lord has in store for us. I hope all of us with a penis find it within our hearts to wisely head their indispensable council.

My beloved brothers (and dear, young brothers), men of the Church, today I should like to speak about the role of manhood in this great Church. I would like to pay sincere tribute and give special encouragement to these special gents. I trust that what I say will be helpful and beneficial to you tonight. 

First of all I want you to be proud that you are a man. God made it clear that men are very special, and has also very clearly defined their position, their duties, their destiny. As a man you have been born with many unique endowments that are not common to women. 

Let me remind us all of man's primary responsibilities. One of your most important obligations is to be able to remain clean and pure. Be chaste and do everything in your power to help others to be. You young men must set the proper example. Help our young women stay morally clean. Young men should realize that the women they date will not honor and respect them if they have been involved in moral transgression. Equal Opportunity Promiscuity simply robs men of their moral influence. Always remember that you can go much farther on respect than on popularity.

Another contention raised is that a man is free to choose what he does with his own body. I would enlist the righteous Priestesshood of God to help such misguided young men, because a beautiful, chaste man is the perfect workmanship if God. Respect yourself. Most men naturally want to love and be loved by a good woman. What man could want any greater glory or tribute than that which comes from an appreciative, loving wife? She will largely determine the remainder of his life. You are expected to go with your wife wherever her employment or call may take her. You will even surrender your name to her name. 


The pursuit of a career instead of marriage and the caring for children is an increasing choice for many young men. Some of our brothers indicate that they do not want to consider marriage until after they have completed their degrees or pursued a career. This is not right! It's generally selfishness, cold and self-centered, which leads people to shun the marriage responsibility. Husbands, submit yourselves unto your own wives.

Much is said of the drudgery and confinement of the man's role in the home. You belong there! Some male rights thinkers view homemaking with outright contempt, but as men, the roles of husband and father are at the very center of your souls and cry out to be satisfied! This is the great, irreplaceable work of men; life cannot go on if men cease to make and care for children. Fortunately most men don't have to track a career like a woman does. Of course as a man you can do exceptionally well in the workplace, but is that the best use of your divinely appointed talents and masculine traits? The father who entrusts his child to the care of others that he may do non-fatherly work, whether for gold, for fame or for civic service, should remember that a child left to himself bringeth his father to shame. If you can be a full-time homemaker, be grateful! Do not feel denied and never complain about this unselfish service. Mormon men are the hardest working men in the world, but you do all these things willingly - because you are a man!

So my beloved brothers, please know how much we appreciate you. We love you and respect you. The Priestesshood leadership of this church at all levels gratefully acknowledges the service, sacrifice, commitment and contribution of the brethren. For the women of the Church, I say thank you. Thank you for making our lives so much better! Thank you so much. Never wonder if you have worth in the sight of the Lord and to the leaders of the Church.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Wasn't that a great message? Don't we feel so loved?

"Whuh the fuh?!?"

Monday, June 16, 2014

Elvira Annie Cowles Holmes (Smith) - wife #29


Elvira Holmes (November 23, 1813 - March 10, 1871) joined the Church in 1835 at the age of 22. Her father Austin Cowles had joined earlier.

Austin moved his family to Nauvoo in 1840 where Elvira gained employment at the Smith residence.

It was there she met Joseph Smith's long time friend Jonathan Holmes, to whom she was married (by Joseph) and with whom she bore two children. Six months after her marriage to Jonathan, Elvira was sealed to Joseph. Jonathan deeply resented that his children with Elvira would be given to Joseph in the Celestial Kingdom.

Elvira's father Austin disaffected from the Church and helped with the Nauvoo Expositor, the paper denouncing Joseph's secret polygamy and contributing to the local anger felt towards Joseph.

Elvira moved out west with the saints. Her husband Jonathan married his second wife, Sarah Ingersoll Harvey Lloyd, in 1862.

Elvira died in Farmington, Utah.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Eliza Roxcy Snow (Smith) Young - wife #15

 
Eliza Snow (January 21, 1804 - December 5, 1887) was one messed up lady. She was known as a poet from her early years so maybe we should say she was more of a trouble artist type. Some say she lived a life of celibacy, some say she was raped by persecutors of the Church, some say she had sex with both her husbands, some say she was pregnant at one point with Joseph Smith's child. However mysterious her sex life may be, her poetry and autobiographic writings reveal someone who needed some serious help. To put it mildly, she was dramatic as fuck and completely full of herself. I'm amazed anyone wanted to be around her.

Eliza seems to have had a taste for Primitive Church movements. She first joined Alexander Campbell's Christian primitivist movement and then the Mormons. She moved to Kirtland, where she stayed with Joseph and Emma, even after being given her own lot. She moved with the saints to Missouri and then Nauvoo, where Joseph gave her an appointment in the newly organized Relief Society and told her about plural marriage. She was disgusted by the idea for all of a couple of months, and then she married Joseph.

Joseph eventually invited Eliza to live with him and Emma in Nauvoo for what Eliza hoped would be a permanent stay. She took up teaching the Smith children.

Living conditions soon got out of hand. About six months in Emma found out that Eliza was a sister wife, freaked out (Eliza says she kept her cool), and sent her down a flight of stairs (some say with a broom, other say by her hair). Eliza's fall might have prematurely ended a pregnancy, either way, it ended her stay with the Smiths.

It still hurts like like before, doesn't it Emma? 
Maybe worse because Joe didn't learn the first time?
Maybe worse now that it's a self-righteous bitch your own age?

Eliza was a staunch and dishonest defender of polygamy. The same year she married Joseph she sent around a petition in Nauvoo collecting signatures from a thousand women denying Joseph's involvement in polygamy. Later that year she produced a Relief Society document denouncing the practice. 


When Joseph died Eliza stayed close to power; she married Brigham Young (yet another reason why Emma would have no interest in moving out to Utah). Eliza never had any children of her own but she raised or help raise many by other women. She fought for women's suffrage and refused to be powerless. Today she is one of the most celebrated women in the LDS Church.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Sarah Maryetta (or Marietta) Kingsley Howe Cleveland (Smith) - wife #13


Sarah Cleveland (1788 - April 20, 1856) joined the Church sometime in the mid-1830, her husband, John Cleveland, however, did not and never did. John, father of Sarah's two children, Augusta and Alexander, was her second husband, the first passing away from illness in the early 1820s.

The Clevelands had been living in Quincy, Illinois since 1836 and in early 1839 they took in Emma and the Smith children while Joseph did jail time. Joseph joined his family at the Cleveland's for a few weeks after his release. Thus Joseph and Sarah got to know one another.

After the Smith's moved to Nauvoo Joseph sent word to the Clevelands that he had reserved a lot for them right across the street from his house. The Clevelands left Quincy for Nauvoo in 1842. That same year Emma chose Sarah as her councilor in the Relief Society and Sarah married Emma's husband behind her back. Very slick.


Sarah was very loyal to Joseph and help defuse a nasty (but true!) rumor that he had married his own sister-in-law, Agnes Coolbrith.

When the saints headed west following Joseph's assassination Sarah and her son Alexander tried to follow only to turn back (with permission from Brigham Young) after four days.

As mentioned in the FMH Podcast episode (linked above), Sarah falls neatly into the typical profile for Joseph's early polygamous marriages. What is that profile? Non-virgin women currently married to other men, not a word to Emma, new wife covers for Joseph and sometimes recruits for him, all while staying with her legal husband. Basically the makings of a secret combination that also doubles as a harem.