Jeff Holland criticized

I'm no fan of Jeffrey R. Holland. I don't like him at all. When he first became an apostle I thought he was the shit, but I've changed my mind. I think he's a big boob. A big mean boob.

Why would I think such a horrible thing of such a wonderful man? Because I've finally seen his dirty, heartless ways.

A couple of excellent examples of Jeff's misbehavior have actually been caught on tape. Take a look at his horrible (but impassioned and blubberly) defense of The Book of Mormon he gave in General Conference a few years ago. He weaves, dodges, deflects, assumes, accuses, and cries. It just doesn't feel right to me.

What's even more obviously ugly is his behavior in this interview:

My favorite part comes at the end when Jeff gets so flustered and defensive he reverts to the logic of "Hey, hey, hey! I'm smart, I went to Yale, therefore I'm smart, therefore my belief is smart! I win!"

The part where he plays dumb about the Strengthening Church Members Committee is also pretty good.

If it seems like he has a hard time being open and honest, you're probably right. He had the same problem when his good friend Tom Phillips sought him out for help regarding the sticky issues of Mormonism.

Is this the type of man we want teaching us about right and wrong and making decisions for us? I doubt it.

Beware thy friends

Mormonism is extremely concerned about whom you interact with. Mormons know how easily it is to be influenced by friends and associates, and the influence goes both ways. That's probably why Mormons advise the youth of the Church to "choose friends who share your values so you can strengthen and encourage each other in living high standards" and to "invite your friends of other faiths to your Church meetings and activities". The Church doesn't want to lose the youth to the non-Mormon influences of others and would instead like the youth of the Church to have a heavy influence on their friends in order to convert them. There's nothing incredibly odd about that approach. It's called protecting your interests.

The real problem of all this is how it plays out on the ground. The reality is that choosing "friends who share your values" typically translates to other Mormons which fosters Mormon insularity. Non-members, non-believing members, and even believing members coming from a part-member family are often excluded a priori from the friend list. Even a seemingly innocent relationship might actually be the water hole of a "spiritual crocodile" who will be your downfall.

 This is not a spiritual crocodile.

"These spiritual crocodiles can kill or mutilate your souls. They can destroy your peace of mind and the peace of mind of those who love you. Those are the ones to be warned against, and there is hardly a watering place in all of mortality now that is not infested with them." (Boyd Packer)

It's fear mongering that continues to this day.

"Now, a word of caution to all—both young and old, both male and female. We live at a time when the adversary is using every means possible to ensnare us in his web of deceit, trying desperately to take us down with him. There are many pathways along which he entices us to go—pathways that can lead to our destruction." (Tom Monson)

Mormons stick to themselves for fear of having to suffer or - Lord help save us! - be seduced by opinions that are unsympathetic or antagonistic to Mormonism.

But it's more than fear of your spiritual downfall. There is another very practical reason to avoid non-Mormons, struggling Mormons, and unorthodox Mormons: you might not get a temple recommend! Question number six, to which you must reply in the negative, asks

"Do you affiliate with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or do you sympathize with the precepts of any such group or individual?"

Yelp! Does this mean you can't affiliate with your beer-drinking uncle? Does this mean you can's play sports with that one guy who's always trash talking Mormons? Does this mean you can't have your daughter over for Thanksgiving because she has a profile up on "I'm an ex-Mormon" and got married to another woman? Are you really a good Mormon if don't cut your ties with the pant-wearing, Ordain Women-supporting Feminist Mormon Housewives?

(I know, I know! This shirt's about having sex, not turning friends and family away.)

How many people give relationships up because the Church teaches them to avoid diversity? Why would anyone want to belong to an organization that tells you who you should and should not accept into your life?

On the inside looking out

"Faith-killers are to be shunned. The seeds which they plant in the minds and hearts of men grow like cancer and eat away the Spirit." Carlos Asay

Mormons don't shun like other religions, at least not anymore. Nowadays when someone leaves the Church he or she will likely still be welcome to come home to be with family and friends will still answer a disaffected friend's calls, but to say that everything stays the same would not be accurate for the vast majority of people who leave. Mormons handle dissidents with extreme care and expect former Mormons to agree to an awful lot of self-censure. It can make for some extremely uncomfortable encounters when family and friends are obviously concerned about casting their pearls before a swine such as yourself or when they're afraid that your opinions are aimed at corrupting and corroding their faith. It's not a pleasant feeling to have something you would like to say but don't dare say it for fear of offending people you love.

Mormons don't typically shun, but don't be surprised if they speak less frequently to you once you've left. Don't be surprised when old friends and acquaintances shy away and eventually disappear. It's only natural that removing a cornerstone of your relationship, if not the entire foundation of your relationship (as in the case of friends from church), would place some serious stress on both parties. The party who stays will, of course, be thinking "damn, I wish my friend would lighten up a bit and let the Spirit guide" while the party who has left is thinking "for fuck's sake, why can't they turn off the Church-installed chanting and think about this as though they were hearing it for the first time?!" How could a get-together between these parties possibly feel comfy and cozy? This is is just the natural result of growing apart, right?

Not really. Mormon leaders and Mormon scripture actually teach adherents to view those who give up Mormonism as sad, pitiful people, who are often consumed with bitterness and hatred. Apostates are cold and aggressive. They've adopted unhealthy lifestyles that drag them further down. They've been beguiled of the Devil and are too hard-hearted to accept the gift of Christ's Gospel. Mormons pray for those who leave the same way they pray for sick people.

Why should anyone belong to an organization that believes people who once believed but now think differently are mentally ill or possessed by the Devil? It's really weird. It's one of the reasons why Mormons don't dare think outside of Mormonism - it would be like having sex with someone who's saturated with venereal diseases - distasteful and dangerous! Most Mormons won't touch it. At least not without their 10' pole and their gloves on. It's not quite shunning.