WoW - mental health

Remember how the Lord finally addressed depression only six months ago? Of course, there are a number of disorders that God could have mentioned long long ago, way before last October, and yet he didn't bother. Mental and emotional disorders are nothing new, nor are they confined to human beings alone, and yet God never bothered bringing our various issues. It's almost as if our psycho-emotional well being had previously been of no interest to the Almighty otherwise he might have included a little something in his holy books and revelations. The Word of Wisdom would have been a wonderful place to address mental health. Not only did he not mention any of the common disorders people suffer from, he didn't bother mentioning the need for a loving family and trustworthy friends.

The Lord's law of health is an interesting law indeed. It makes me wonder what good prophesy and revelation are when they fail to effectively address such an important source of human suffering or warn us of things to come. When it comes to issues of mental health, God has left us entirely in the hands of modern science, medicine, and therapies.

Waiting downstairs (or outside)

Getting married in the temple means that the only people who will be at your wedding will be those members of your family and friends who have gone through the temple endowment and currently hold a temple recommend. Never mind the fact that no one, apart from the couple getting married, is actually required to do anything comparable to making a covenant. Okay, so there is the issue of seeing the couple take take each other in the "Patriarchal Grip, or the Sure Sign of the Nail" hand grip and maybe having to explain what the hell that is to non-member friends and family, but can't we get around that by simply telling the couple before they enter the sealing room that when they are instructed to hold hands across they alter they need to do the "Sure Sign" thing? I bet no one who wasn't already informed would even notice.

A story of no fun.

I guess there's also the issue of the couple wearing the temple clothes. Those might be hard to explain to the uninitiated. Then again, can't we give our family and closest friends the benefit of the doubt that they will respect our religion and our choice to participate in it?

Or, if we don't want to caste such Mormon pearls before unsympathetic swine, why don't we have civil marriages for all followed by temple sealings for the Mormons? Holy shit! That might actually work!

And really no one, especially not God, would be offended.

Good neighbors

Dear brothers and sisters in the faith,

Heaven knows we have some high standards and heaven also knows how easy it is for those standards to be compromised. It only makes sense that we only carefully interact with people who are not of our faith. It's only natural that we avoid inviting certain people over because we have no coffee in the house to offer them and that we turn down invitations to go out because none of us drink. It's right that we keep our children from spending too much time in a home that doesn't share our standards of living, our children might get the idea that it's okay if other people don't believe like we do! I mean, what if our children notice an R-rated DVD next to the TV or something? Scary!

We are completely justified in keeping certain neighbors at arm's length. We have to keep the World at arm's length given how we've learned that Satan is in reality "the god of this world." We can't take any risks! We have to surround ourselves with light and truth and, while it's true that everyone probably has some truth, we're really the only ones who have it all, so it only makes sense to keep to our own.

It's just that sometimes I get to thinking how Christ-like it would be to be open to everyone. I start thinking about how condescending our attitude is toward everyone who doesn't toe the Mormon line even when they're not Mormon. I ponder from time to time the arbitrariness of so many of our standards and then I consider how so many others seem to be directed at young teenagers who haven't yet learned to think for themselves and act on their own integrity.

Could it be possible that there's really nothing to fear? Would it be better if I showed more respect and trust toward my non-LDS neighbors and also my children? Should I stop taking brownies over with the sole intent of converting said neighbors?

Beware thy friends

Mormonism is extremely concerned about whom you interact with. Mormons know how easily it is to be influenced by friends and associates, and the influence goes both ways. That's probably why Mormons advise the youth of the Church to "choose friends who share your values so you can strengthen and encourage each other in living high standards" and to "invite your friends of other faiths to your Church meetings and activities". The Church doesn't want to lose the youth to the non-Mormon influences of others and would instead like the youth of the Church to have a heavy influence on their friends in order to convert them. There's nothing incredibly odd about that approach. It's called protecting your interests.

The real problem of all this is how it plays out on the ground. The reality is that choosing "friends who share your values" typically translates to other Mormons which fosters Mormon insularity. Non-members, non-believing members, and even believing members coming from a part-member family are often excluded a priori from the friend list. Even a seemingly innocent relationship might actually be the water hole of a "spiritual crocodile" who will be your downfall.

 This is not a spiritual crocodile.

"These spiritual crocodiles can kill or mutilate your souls. They can destroy your peace of mind and the peace of mind of those who love you. Those are the ones to be warned against, and there is hardly a watering place in all of mortality now that is not infested with them." (Boyd Packer)

It's fear mongering that continues to this day.

"Now, a word of caution to all—both young and old, both male and female. We live at a time when the adversary is using every means possible to ensnare us in his web of deceit, trying desperately to take us down with him. There are many pathways along which he entices us to go—pathways that can lead to our destruction." (Tom Monson)

Mormons stick to themselves for fear of having to suffer or - Lord help save us! - be seduced by opinions that are unsympathetic or antagonistic to Mormonism.

But it's more than fear of your spiritual downfall. There is another very practical reason to avoid non-Mormons, struggling Mormons, and unorthodox Mormons: you might not get a temple recommend! Question number six, to which you must reply in the negative, asks

"Do you affiliate with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or do you sympathize with the precepts of any such group or individual?"

Yelp! Does this mean you can't affiliate with your beer-drinking uncle? Does this mean you can's play sports with that one guy who's always trash talking Mormons? Does this mean you can't have your daughter over for Thanksgiving because she has a profile up on "I'm an ex-Mormon" and got married to another woman? Are you really a good Mormon if don't cut your ties with the pant-wearing, Ordain Women-supporting Feminist Mormon Housewives?

(I know, I know! This shirt's about having sex, not turning friends and family away.)

How many people give relationships up because the Church teaches them to avoid diversity? Why would anyone want to belong to an organization that tells you who you should and should not accept into your life?

On the inside looking out

"Faith-killers are to be shunned. The seeds which they plant in the minds and hearts of men grow like cancer and eat away the Spirit." Carlos Asay

Mormons don't shun like other religions, at least not anymore. Nowadays when someone leaves the Church he or she will likely still be welcome to come home to be with family and friends will still answer a disaffected friend's calls, but to say that everything stays the same would not be accurate for the vast majority of people who leave. Mormons handle dissidents with extreme care and expect former Mormons to agree to an awful lot of self-censure. It can make for some extremely uncomfortable encounters when family and friends are obviously concerned about casting their pearls before a swine such as yourself or when they're afraid that your opinions are aimed at corrupting and corroding their faith. It's not a pleasant feeling to have something you would like to say but don't dare say it for fear of offending people you love.

Mormons don't typically shun, but don't be surprised if they speak less frequently to you once you've left. Don't be surprised when old friends and acquaintances shy away and eventually disappear. It's only natural that removing a cornerstone of your relationship, if not the entire foundation of your relationship (as in the case of friends from church), would place some serious stress on both parties. The party who stays will, of course, be thinking "damn, I wish my friend would lighten up a bit and let the Spirit guide" while the party who has left is thinking "for fuck's sake, why can't they turn off the Church-installed chanting and think about this as though they were hearing it for the first time?!" How could a get-together between these parties possibly feel comfy and cozy? This is is just the natural result of growing apart, right?

Not really. Mormon leaders and Mormon scripture actually teach adherents to view those who give up Mormonism as sad, pitiful people, who are often consumed with bitterness and hatred. Apostates are cold and aggressive. They've adopted unhealthy lifestyles that drag them further down. They've been beguiled of the Devil and are too hard-hearted to accept the gift of Christ's Gospel. Mormons pray for those who leave the same way they pray for sick people.

Why should anyone belong to an organization that believes people who once believed but now think differently are mentally ill or possessed by the Devil? It's really weird. It's one of the reasons why Mormons don't dare think outside of Mormonism - it would be like having sex with someone who's saturated with venereal diseases - distasteful and dangerous! Most Mormons won't touch it. At least not without their 10' pole and their gloves on. It's not quite shunning.

Anti-Antis!

Stepping out meant taking a step in and that was scary. I wasn't worried about stepping into a dangerous, violent world of corruption and depravity. So the Church didn't work out for me! Not the end of the world. So God didn't pull through! Shucks, but life goes on. I was worried about becoming an Anti-Mormon in the eyes of my family and friends.

A "fall" like mine meant that I had probably become an enemy to the Church. I could no longer bear testimony of the truthfulness of it all. I was no longer cool with those most sacred of covenants made in the holy house of the Lord. What if I started telling people I no longer believed in the Church? How many fragile testimonies might my disbelief damage? What if I started sharing temple secrets? What if I tried to oppose the Church? What if I became obsessed with bringing the Church down?!

Well guess what. I was as opposed to Anti-Mormons as much as I was before. I couldn't understand why anyone would dedicate time to trash talking Mormons. I didn't want to say anything that might lead someone down my path of disbelief. So why the blog?

Mormons would love to control the narrative of Mormonism. They would love to eliminate all uncorrelated thoughts, practices, and voices. They hate it when a weirdo gets up in fast and testimony meeting, they hate it when someone digs up a crazy comment by a prophet or apostle, they hate it when someone gets in the media saying something that isn't exactly what they want that person to say. Mormons want to be beautiful and perfect. They want all warts burned off.

Unfortunately I and all the other warts are still here, and it's only fair that I and the other warts get a chance to talk about our thoughts and experiences. We don't have to silence ourselves for the Church's sake, especially when the Church - its leaders and its members - feel obligated to continue not just preaching, but also speaking ill of those who leave the faith.

It's past time for open dialog.