Zion's Camp

Throughout my life as a believing Mormon I never understood why we ever had Sunday School lessons on Zion's Camp, Joseph Smith's failed military effort of 1834 to regain lost lands in Missouri. It was always presented as a wonderful example of the Lord trying his people and having to change plans because they weren't obedient enough, and yet when I heard the story I couldn't help but notice a certain discomfort afterwords because Zion's Camp is so clearly a sloppy, uninspired effort put together by a leader who was desperate to keep his followers happy.

Seriously, read it. Read the inspiring version for adults, read the inspiring version for children, watch the corny movie version or read the Wikipedia version. They all conclude with Joseph's prophecy falling flat on its face. No fighting took place and yet more Mormons died than Mormon enemies. What the hell is that?

Is it OK that I've been confused for so long?

Heavenly fatherliness #23 - Peace talks

According to popular wisdom, a good father is a supportive and active disciplinarian through the power of his words, not his fists.

When it comes to words, nothing gets more ink than religious writing. Everyone, even non-believers, have a copy or two of books filled with holy writ, so I should probably concede that God and his fans are doing what they can to "discipline through the power of his words." If only those words made more sense. 

When it comes to fists, sure God's had to do some smiting from time to time, but we're adults, we can deal with it.  

Besides he seems to be done with the whole smiting thing for now. He seems to be content sitting back and watching his children following his earlier example.

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father.

Heavenly fatherliness #15 - Fighting in front of family

According to popular wisdom, a good father does not fight with his wife in front of their children.

Heavenly Father doesn't do anything with his Wife in front of his children, so I guess he gets a point on this one. Then again, we don't know anything about Heavenly Mother. God keeps her from us. 

But when it comes to family fights, we do know that God has a very strained relationship with most of his children and fights with them daily. Maybe we should give our Father in Heaven a half point instead of a full one when it comes to domestic aggression.

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father. 

Heavenly fatherliness #13 - Quality time

According to popular wisdom, a good father spends quality (daily) time with his children.

Growing up Mormon I was told more than once that God is always watching over us, but I find that to be very wishful thinking. If God's there at all, he's doing a great job of staying out of sight. Imagine a father who simply watches his children via hidden camera, or who occasionally whispers something to you from down the hall or from the other side of a wall. I don't think that kind of behavior counts as quality time.

Let's not forget that we somehow have the ability to offend God and that the list of things that offend him is nothing short of enormous. He's just about the worst playmate anyone could hope for - the kind that will pick up his toys and stomp of at the drop of a hat. And this despite the fact that he knows us perfectly and already knows what we'll do before we do it! He can read our minds and then has the nerve to complain about our thoughts. Relax or butt out, Buddy!

Let's also revisit the concept of God waiting for us to come to him. Maybe he's just sitting around waiting for us to call or open the door or whatever, but that's really not what a good father's supposed to do. Come on, God, come entertain us a bit! Learn to appreciate what we like to do!

*These attributes represent the popularized and popularizing thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father.