Temple prep - "'We Saw the Lord'"

The following text is taken from the pamphlet "Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple" (2002) and annotated by me.

The day of the return of Elijah was a Sunday afternoon, April 3, 1836. A sacrament meeting had been held in the Kirtland Temple. Right, because the concept of the temple was more like a stake center or cathedral, not a Freemason temple. The Prophet described that afternoon in these simple terms:

In the afternoon, I assisted the other Presidents in distributing the Lord’s Supper to the Church, receiving it from the Twelve, whose privilege it was to officiate at the sacred desk this day. After having performed this service to my brethren, I retired to the pulpit, the veils being dropped, and bowed myself, with Oliver Cowdery, in solemn and silent prayer. After rising from prayer, the following vision was opened to both of us. (D&C 110, introduction.)

The veil was taken from our minds, and the eyes of our understanding were opened. So this is all imaginary...

We saw the Lord standing upon the breastwork of the pulpit, before us; and under his feet was a paved work of pure gold, in color like amber. You know where else Joseph saw visions of gold? In a hat.

His eyes were as a flame of fire; the hair of his head was white like the pure snow; his countenance shone above the brightness of the sun; and his voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters, even the voice of Jehovah, saying: This is sounds like one very horrifying acid trip.

I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father. Lord, are you really going to run through all your titles?

Behold, your sins are forgiven you; you are clean before me; therefore, lift up your heads and rejoice. Yay!

Let the hearts of your brethren rejoice, and let the hearts of all my people rejoice, who have, with their might, built this house to my name.

For behold, I have accepted this house, and my name shall be here; and I will manifest myself to my people in mercy in this house. You're not pissed that they didn't built it by a beach or a lakeside resort, Lord? There's not even a patio for your sun chair.

Yea, I will appear unto my servants, and speak unto them with mine own voice, if my people will keep my commandments, and do not pollute this holy house. Is this where Mormons get the misguided idea that the prophet sees and hears the Lord? Who was the last prophet who said he saw Jesus in the temple?

Yea the hearts of thousands and tens of thousands shall greatly rejoice in consequence of the blessings which shall be poured out, and the endowment with which my servants have been endowed in this house. Tens of thousands? Proportionally to the world's population, that not very impressive.

And the fame of this house shall spread to foreign lands; and this is the beginning of the blessing which shall be poured out upon the heads of my people. Even so. Amen. The fame of the Kirtland temple is known abroad only to members and they have been given a whitewashed and embellished version of its history and meaning.

After this vision closed, the heavens were again opened unto us; and Moses appeared before us, and committed unto us the keys of the gathering of Israel from the four parts of the earth, and the leading of the ten tribes from the land of the north. Ah, yes, the 10 tribes!

After this, Elias appeared, and committed the dispensation of the gospel of Abraham, saying that in us and our seed all generations after us should be blessed. The "gospel of Abraham"? Is that the gospel where you circumcise yourself, your sons and all other males in your household?

After this vision had closed, another great and glorious vision burst upon us; for Elijah the prophet, who was taken to heaven without tasting death, stood before us, and said: WHOA! Hang on a sec. You made a big booboo, Joseph. I think we can safely say you're pulling this vision out of your ass.

Behold, the time has fully come, which was spoken of by the mouth of Malachi—testifying that he [Elijah] should be sent, before the great and dreadful day of the Lord come—

To turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers, lest the whole earth be smitten with a curse—

Therefore, the keys of this dispensation are committed into your hands; and by this ye may know that the great and dreadful day of the Lord is near, even at the doors. (D&C 110:1–16.) I can't wait for the day of the Lord. That's Sunday, right?

I saw Jesus in the temple. He was so beautiful.

It had happened! This signal event went unheeded by the world, but it would influence the destiny of every soul who has ever lived or will live. In the words of Ken Ham, WERE YOU THERE? How do you know this happened? The story appears grossly fabricated. Things began quietly to happen. What things?! The Church became a temple-building church. The Church is definitely not quiet about its temple building! It is very quiet about how the purpose of temples has drastically changed and even quieter about how the ordinances continue to change today.

In the world there emerged here and there, in a way thought to be spontaneous, people and organizations and societies interested in tracing genealogies. This happened thanks to John Farmer's efforts in the more heavily populated New England area throughout the 1820s, not Joseph Smith receiving "keys" in on of America's sparsely populated frontier towns in the mid-1830s. This has all taken place since the appearance of Elijah in the Kirtland Temple. Or do you mean Elias? Please reread my comments above.

From that very day, April 3, 1836, the hearts of the children began to turn to their fathers. Before that, all children hated their fathers and never thought of them, especially not to help them. Thereafter ordinances were not tentative, but permanent. Baptism was tentative before 1836? Ordination to the Priesthood was tentative!! Are you serious? The sealing power was with us. Rest easy, kids, this highly suspicious story Joseph Smith told means we've got the most powerful magic of any religion. You're in the right place! No authorization transcends it in value. So never ever under any circumstance take seriously what other religions say they have to offer. That power gives substance and eternal permanence to all ordinances performed with proper authority for both the living and the dead. You'll feel it, brothers and sisters. It will feel low key. Almost anticlimactic. Kind of like the awesomeness of it all was in what was said, not so much in what was done and what happened afterward. What I'm saying is don't expect to see the Lord or anything amazing like that. Keep your expectations to a minimum.

Graven images

 As a missionary I loved accusing Catholics of worshiping idols. It made me feel so superior. Hadn't they read the Bible, or God's sake? It's very clear:

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 

I think that means no statues of birds, or calves, or fish, or Satan, or prophets, or God, etc. Let's keep reading:

Yes.

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

I find it odd that God would feel so insecure about statues of stuff. Keep in mind he's not saying he feels self-conscious about how big a sculptor might make his nose or how small of a penis an artist might give him - he seriously just can't stand people using statues of any kind in worship. It doesn't seem to matter if the statue is nothing more than a vehicle to get people focused on God and his works. GOD FORBIDS ALL STATUES. 

Of course.

God's so touchy about this shit that he's totally willing to accuse users of statues of hating him and threatening their children. Yes, I know, he sounds like a asshole, but what I really want to point out here is that Mormons love their religious statues. 

Oh, that'd be perfect for the living room!

I reached a point where I had to doubt LDS adherence to Number Two of the Big Ten. That really sucked because it made criticizing Catholics so much harder.

 

Oh, my! Satan has such a strong hold on the World!

Zion's Camp

Throughout my life as a believing Mormon I never understood why we ever had Sunday School lessons on Zion's Camp, Joseph Smith's failed military effort of 1834 to regain lost lands in Missouri. It was always presented as a wonderful example of the Lord trying his people and having to change plans because they weren't obedient enough, and yet when I heard the story I couldn't help but notice a certain discomfort afterwords because Zion's Camp is so clearly a sloppy, uninspired effort put together by a leader who was desperate to keep his followers happy.

Seriously, read it. Read the inspiring version for adults, read the inspiring version for children, watch the corny movie version or read the Wikipedia version. They all conclude with Joseph's prophecy falling flat on its face. No fighting took place and yet more Mormons died than Mormon enemies. What the hell is that?

Is it OK that I've been confused for so long?

A little cash on the side

Why did the Smith family turn the whole Egyptian mummies and papyri purchase into a money making endeavor? Why in the tours offered by the Smith family did they say so many things about the artifacts that were horribly false? And why didn't they at least stick with the same false information instead of making up new bullshit from time to time? I thought this stuff was supposed to be ancient and sacred.

The leg of Pharaoh's daughter? The one who found Moses? Um... OK, Lucy. Sounds totally legit...

The biblical authors

Mormons "believe the Bible to be the word of God" (Article of Faith 1:8). Does this go for all of the words in all of the books? I ask because Bible scholars have found that, for example, Moses didn't write the first books of the Old Testament, Solomon didn't write the Psalms, Isaiah was written by at least two people, and Paul is not the author of all of his epistles. Those are significant problems, but there are still more.

Are they still the words of God if we know that the author is different than what was traditionally believed? Do we need to treat the questionable books, chapters, and verses with any particular care? How can the Bible's pseudopigrapha not be subjected to doubt? Do we need to revise the eighth Article of Faith? Couldn't one of our prophets, seers, and revelators go through and separate the actual words of the prophets and apostles from those of the impostors? What would remain of the Bible were we to remove everything of false or highly questionable authorship? Would we finally have a bulletproof Bible full entirely and only with the Word of God?

No, no, don't help me!

I didn't know what to think of ole Yahweh after he zapped Uzzah. OK, sure, he wasn't supposed to touch the Ark of the Covenant, I know, but this was seriously a split second decision sort of situation.

Take a moment to imagine the scene. You're trudging along, guarding the most holy object the world has hitherto seen - Yahweh's hand written law safe in a chest! - and you see one of the oxen pulling the box stumble and the chest starts to slide. "Oh my dear LORD God (Jehovah), no! If the tablets of stone hit the ground who knows what will happen! They might break! They might be defiled! Yahweh might get PISSED like he did back at Sinai! Heads will roll!" You can't let it happen so in that split fraction of a second you reach out to prevent the calamity and BAM! you're dead.

It's like Yahweh's a feisty, gun-welding old man who furiously insists on doing everything himself.

All you wanted to do was keep the holy holy, save and preserve the sacred, prove your vigilance in guarding the gifts of God (or maybe you didn't even have time to think about any of that, maybe you reached for the ark instinctively the same way you try to catch a glass that's about to topple), and now you're divinely smitten to death. Congratulations.

Was this killing of Uzzah really justifiable? Can I respect and worship a god who will kill for such a petty "offense"? Can I love a god who constantly threatens his people with death? Who does this god think he is, anyway?

No ordinary man

I always hated that statement that Joseph "did more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it". I guess it's not really a statement, it's scripture.

I think we can all admit that Jesus did a hell of a lot for the salvation of man, like proposing The Plan, creating the Universe, and suffering for everyone's sins and shortcomings so Our Father can legally forgive us without tanning our hides. That's a lot of work, but more important still - HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY REASON ANYONE IS SAVED AT ALL.

What did Joseph do? Well, he "brought forth the Book of Mormon", sent the Gospel to the "four quarters of the earth" via some missionaries, wrote the D&C and some other stuff, gathered thousands of people, and built a city (Nauvoo). Has anyone else ever done anything similar at all?

Moses dueled with the pharaoh, freed hundreds of thousands of Israelite slaves, gave them rocks with God's handwriting, paraded around the desert with them for 40 years, and showed them the Promised Land, which is full of many significantly more famous cities than Nauvoo.

What about Enoch? The dude was so bad ass that not only did every single person in his city go straight to heaven, but the city itself lifted off the ground and went celestial! That sounds like some mighty heavy work for the salvation of men.

How many billions of people are indebted to the Gospel writers for their knowledge of Jesus? And how many people are indebted to Joseph for their knowledge of the Savior? A few million.

This belief that Joseph is second only to Jesus in saving souls is nonsensical. Think for a moment how many souls could have been saved without Adam and Eve? Don't our first parents deserve a lot more credit than Joseph for the simple fact that their eating of the fruit made Jesus-Savior relevant in the first place? That sounds like a pretty huge role to play in the salvation of men.

The thing is this scripture always sounded ridiculously hyperbolic and overblown. As I recall from a Church movie, John Taylor wrote this when he was under the influence of a giganto cry-gasm. Why is it canonized scripture? Why is anyone even competing for the title of Person Who Did the Most for the Salvation of Men in the first place? All glory be the Father's, remember?

P.S. Here's a great entry about this topic at By Common Consent.