Graven images

 As a missionary I loved accusing Catholics of worshiping idols. It made me feel so superior. Hadn't they read the Bible, or God's sake? It's very clear:

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 

I think that means no statues of birds, or calves, or fish, or Satan, or prophets, or God, etc. Let's keep reading:

Yes.

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

I find it odd that God would feel so insecure about statues of stuff. Keep in mind he's not saying he feels self-conscious about how big a sculptor might make his nose or how small of a penis an artist might give him - he seriously just can't stand people using statues of any kind in worship. It doesn't seem to matter if the statue is nothing more than a vehicle to get people focused on God and his works. GOD FORBIDS ALL STATUES. 

Of course.

God's so touchy about this shit that he's totally willing to accuse users of statues of hating him and threatening their children. Yes, I know, he sounds like a asshole, but what I really want to point out here is that Mormons love their religious statues. 

Oh, that'd be perfect for the living room!

I reached a point where I had to doubt LDS adherence to Number Two of the Big Ten. That really sucked because it made criticizing Catholics so much harder.

 

Oh, my! Satan has such a strong hold on the World!

Mormon pilgrimages

Jerusalem? Rome? Santiago? What are we, Catholics? Do we have to travel hundreds or even thousands of miles to worship an object? Not a chance. No idols for us. Leave reverencing objects to everyone else. Let the Muslims make their once in a lifetime trek to Mecca. We carry religion in our hearts. Our eternal souls worship in a walking tabernacle of flesh.

Sure, we have to be sure to make it to the temple at least once in our lives (heaven forbid we die before taking out our endowment and sealed for time and all eternity), but fortunately for everyone, the Church these days is working hard to make church and temple attendance as easy and non-pilgrimage-like as possible. With meeting houses and temples cropping up all over the globe, chances are you're no more than a couple of hours away from an LDS place of worship.

Of course that doesn't stop us from making distant religious journeys in order to prove our spirituality, pay our respects to our forebearers and prove to our neighbors that the Church is the most important thing in our life. Who among us doesn't feel a slight tinge of guilt for not having humbly offered a prayer of gratitude for Joseph Smith in the Sacred Grove? Who among us hasn't felt some degree of urgency that our sons and daughters experience the spiritual banquet to be had on Heritage Tours? How else will they gain a testimony in their youth? The Kirkland temple, the Nauvoo temple, the temple site in Missouri, we just have to see them.

And why stop at the locations that have actual Mormon history? Why not make up some new sites for Book of Mormon tours? Heartland model believers, we've got you covered too! It doesn't matter if it's all bullshit. You really have to see it for yourself!

 

Most amazing of all is Salt Lake City! Come listen to a prophet's voice at General Conference! Come on! You believe he's a prophet, right? You love him, right? You have a testimony that he's God's mouthpiece, right? So show us your conviction! Come, come, ye saints! Come!

Lucinda Pendleton Morgan Harris (Smith) - wife #3

Lucinda Harris and her husband George joined the LDS Church in 1834 and moved to Missouri four years later. Joseph and Emma also moved to Missouri that same year and were taken in by George for a couple of months. Joseph secretly married Lucinda (a few years Joseph's senior) before being pushed from Missouri to Nauvoo, Illinios.

Lucinda continued living with George, who might not have even been aware of Lucinda's marriage to Joseph. Emma probably didn't know about it either.

Or maybe they did. Joseph reserved a lot for the Harrises across the street from him in Nauvoo, George wanted to see the Nauvoo Expositor press destroyed, and when he died Lucinda was crying hard at the head of the casket. Joseph clearly wanted the Harrises close by, George might have wanted to hide his wife's polygamy, and Lucinda's position at the Joseph's casket could indicate that Emma accepted her as a sister wife. Who can say for sure? It might have been an 1830s open but secret marriage.

What is certain is that this marriage was in violation of the rules of taking plural wives. Lucinda was certainly not a virgin and she never had a child with Joseph. So how did they justify it?

Lucinda divorced George around 1853 and eventually became a Catholic nun.

Here is the Feminist Mormon Housewives Podcast episode about her. 

The unordained

Priesthood bitch slap Catholic Batman style.

How do the daughters of Mormons feel when they turn twelve years old and watch their male peers get ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood and start passing the sacrament and collecting fast offerings? How do they feel when they turn fourteen and have to hear the boys in Sunday School talk about going to church early to prepare the sacrament and staying after Sacrament Meeting to put it away? How do they feel when they turn sixteen and see those same boys blessing the sacrament for the entire congregation? Is it possible that they feel left out? Is it possible that they are in actuality left out? Is it possible that they feel inferior? Is it possible they feel superior? Is it possible that they feel resentment? Is it possible that they feel confused? Is it possible that the male-only Priesthood policy contradicts the concept of Heavenly Father being impartial? Is it possible that the male-only Priesthood policy is not explicit in Mormon scripture? Is it possible that Jesus inducted women into the Priesthood? How do we feel about the deaconesses mentioned in the Bible? Or the prophetesses? How do we feel about Joseph Smith's intentions to make the Relief Society a parallel institution to the Priesthood? What would happen if the Church started ordaining women, young and old, to the Priesthood?

Bitch slaps outside the LDS No Girls Allowed club.

Thus vote the Brethren!

Remember how in all of LDS scripture God essentially taps a dude on the shoulder, tells him he's now a prophet, and sends him off to tell everyone else what it is he (God) wants? I'm not sure that process was the most efficient considering the prophet to non-prophet ratio and the tendency for huge portions of the population to be skeptical of what one man has to say, but I think that process would be much more convincing than what we have going on today. The Church leaders (our dear prophets, seers, and revelators) no longer do things Moses' way, or Isaiah's way, or Jesus' way, or Samuel the Lamanite's way, or Joseph Smith's way of wielding all decisive power and authority on a matter; now they sit around in board meetings and vote like businessmen. And nothing passes unless there is a unanimous vote in favor. It sounds a bit Catholic, but such is the business of revealing God's Will for us today. I'm just curious what happened to the traditional method of prophecy, in which men had much less say in what the message would be.