It's not a joke. The really do teach you how to handshake your way into Heaven. I couldn't believe it myself. Seriously? This is how I'll unlock the Pearly Gates? I literally have to physically do this move on an angel standing guard? Oh, they're seriously so important I can't tell anyone about them? Wow... And no one else has let this out of the bag yet? Satan doesn't know about this? I can imagine Satan could really mess up the whole who-gets-into-Heaven thing if he knew about this.
The "signs and tokens" I was taught in the temple struck me as completely arbitrary and superfluous to heartfelt Christian belief and yet I was told that these were gestures passed down from God to man from Adam until the present day. The temple was supposed to be the oldest, most sacred ritual in the history of man.
I knew enough about the Israelite's tabernacle in the wilderness, Solomon's temple, and the temple in Christs time to know that the whole story sounded a bit funky. I also kept somewhere in the back of my mind the allegation that Freemasonry had something to do with the temple, but I never dared look into it. I nurtured my faith instead of my suspicions and doubts.
As it turns out I should have followed up on the whole Freemason thing. The temple endowment, as it turns out, is a complete rip off of Freemasonry. And we're not just talking about a simple handshake here,
all of the handshakes were lifted from the Freemasons,
as are most of the words, explanations, now purged penalties, clothing, etc. All I did when I went through the temple was become a pseudo-Freemason. Look it up. This shit's not just weird, completely unrelated to ancient worship, and devoid of any real Christian significance, it's really not that exciting.
I say if you want to become a Freemason, go to the Freemasons, not the Mormons.