Temple prep - Endowed from on High "Lesson 6"

I'm reading the Church Education System's manual for temple preparation and adding my two cents. Text found here.

Objective

“And inasmuch as my people build a house unto me in the name of the Lord, and do not suffer any unclean thing to come into it, that it be not defiled, my glory shall rest upon it” (D&C 97:15). Does this mean that the glory of the Lord is not upon any temple that has unwittingly introduced an unrepentant sinner? If so, I'm willing to argue that there's not a single temple on the earth today with the glory of the Lord. Cheaters enter temples across the globe every single day. The Church cannot stop it from happening because no one in the Church has the "power of discernment".

To prepare the class members to worthily enter the temple. This looks a lot like the objective of Lesson 2. Let's move on. When are you going to have a lesson on Freemasonry's influence on Joseph Smith and the LDS temple?

Lesson Presentation

Ask class members if they have any questions. Are we hoping students will have done a little internet study before class? Perhaps you could address why we no longer make the Oath of Vengeance. Take the time required to answer questions to the best of your ability and as guided by the Lord’s Spirit. Good luck explaining why praying against the United States was God's way for nearly 90 years and why we haven't been doing it for the past 80 plus. Remember that some aspects of temple work must not be discussed outside the temple. Is the Oath of Vengeance one of those things? What exactly is on the list of temple elements we cannot discuss?

Each Person Should Prepare for the Temple

Explain that each person is individually responsible for taking the steps that will lead to the full blessings of the temple. OK, what are those steps? I'm guessing most kids end up getting pushed through them whether they want to or not.

Briefly discuss the following five ideas. Are these just ideas or are they the steps? Each one presents a way in which we should be prepared to enter the temple. You may want to list each point on the chalkboard as you discuss it.

1. Each person should be worthy. Please note that a discussion of worthiness never comes up when considering how much a father should offer a son or daughter. No parent denies a child because that child was "unworthy" of the gift or knowledge or assistance. If God is in fact our father, then we are all already worthy of whatever he has to offer us.

Ask the class members to read Doctrine and Covenants 97:15–17.

• What does this passage teach you about the importance of being worthy when you enter the temple? It teaches us that the Lord is very very sensitive despite his perfection and unforgiving despite having already paid for everyone's sins 2000 years ago.

President Howard W. Hunter asked us to consider the “attitudes and righteous behaviors that the Lord pointed us toward in the counsel He gave to the Kirtland Saints through the Prophet Joseph Smith as they were preparing to build a temple.”

This counsel is found in Doctrine and Covenants 88:119. Ask the class members to read this passage.

Ask the class members also to consider the question posed by President Hunter: “Are these attitudes and behaviors indeed reflective of what each of us desires and seeks to be?” (“The Great Symbol of Our Membership,” Ensign, Oct. 1994, 2). It sounds a lot more like a regular church building to me than a temple. A house of prayer? Meetinghouses see all sorts of prayers all the time. A house of fasting? Meetinghouses hold fast and testimony meetings every month. A house of faith? Meetinghouses are often where faith begins. A house of learning? There are tons of classes in meetinghouses all organized carefully by age, sex, and priesthood authority held. A house of glory? Meetinghouses are dedicated and filled with the spirit. A house of God? All LDS churches have signs saying their the Church of Jesus Christ so if he wants them they're his.

2. Each person should be humble.

Each person should enter the temple in humility, with a desire to be taught from on high. I agree. Each person should also have the courage to admit when he or she's not seeing the emperor's new clothes.

• Why is humility so important as we serve and learn in the temple? It's always a good idea when confronting something new to have an open mind and give it a chance to live up to the hype.

Have the class members read Doctrine and Covenants 136:32–33.

• What does this passage teach about the importance of humility? Apparently God only works with the ignorant. How could you apply this counsel to attending the temple for the first time? If you think the temple sucks or feels like a cult your first time through, you're probably just being a prideful, unteachable prick and God knows it.

3. Each person should understand that receiving temple ordinances and covenants is essential to gaining eternal life. I don't think Jesus would agree. He liked baptism for some reason and definitely endorsed burning animal sacrifices (but strangely not the sale of animals in the outer temple court), but there was no possible way for him to endorse the LDS temple ceremonies that were invented in the mid-1800s.

“Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God” (D&C 88:119). We already read this. Why are we back here again?

President Harold B. Lee said: “The temple ceremonies are designed by a wise Heavenly Father who has revealed them to us in these last days as a guide and a protection throughout our lives, that you and I might not fail to merit exaltation in the celestial kingdom where God and Christ dwell” (“Enter a Holy Temple,” Improvement Era, June 1967, 144). The moral of the temple is to wait for God's word as it comes down the line and keep doing it until God gives you new instructions. Not a bad plan, right? Now we just have to figure out how to establish what God really said. By the time we hear the message it's passed through enough people the message is as warped as anything you'd hear at the end of the telephone game. By the way, I thought all we had to do to "merit exaltation" was believe in Christ, get baptized in his name and live our lives the way he led his.

President Joseph Fielding Smith said: “These blessings insure to us, through our faithfulness, the pearl of great price the Lord has offered us, for these are the greatest blessings we can receive in this life. I didn't get pearls, I got paper spitballs. Everyone, check the pearls you receive in the temple! It is a wonderful thing to come into the Church, but you cannot receive an exaltation until you have made covenants in the house of the Lord and received the keys and authorities that are there bestowed and which cannot be given in any other place on the earth today” That's right, the top Church leaders think they have the monopoly on exaltation tickets. You pay their price if you're too lazy to shop around. (Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McConkie, 3 vols. [1954–56], 2:253).

4. Each person should understand the importance of wearing the temple garment.

Explain that those who have participated in the temple ceremony are privileged to wear the garment of the holy priesthood. You can't buy the cheap uncomfortable ones unless you have a temple recommend or get lucky on ebay. Otherwise you're stuck buying the more comfy expensive ones. In a statement to the Church, the First Presidency said:

“Church members who have been clothed with the garment in the temple have made a covenant to wear it throughout their lives. Because God is extremely interested in your underwear. This has been interpreted to mean that it is worn as underclothing both day and night. No more sleeping naked, kids! …

“The fundamental principle ought to be to wear the garment and not to find occasions to remove it. Stop looking for opportunities to go to the pool or get a professional massage. Those days are over. … When the garment must be removed, … it should be restored as soon as possible. Right after you wash up after sex. No, this IS NOT WEIRD AND CONTROLLING! :S

“The principles of modesty and keeping the body appropriately covered are implicit in the covenant and should govern the nature of all clothing worn. God, your creator, doesn't want you guys seeing each other. It's... bad... because... ew! Right? Endowed members of the Church wear the garment as a reminder of the sacred covenants they have made with the Lord and also as a protection against temptation and evil. The rest of use have to be happy with CTR rings. How it is worn is an outward expression of an inward commitment to follow the Savior” Yes, an outward expression worn inwardly so no one on the outside can see it. Don't let your Gs hang out, brothers and sisters. (First Presidency letter, 10 Oct. 1988).

5. Each person should be prepared for personal and sacred worship. Not public and profane worship.

In the temple, before, during, and after the ceremonies, there are opportunities for a person to meditate and to draw closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. But let's be honest, if it's private meditation you want you should probably stay home or go somewhere quiet where you don't have to spend two hours playing dress up and watching an annoying movie in snippets. Everyone is faced with questions that need answers, with burdens that need lightening, with problems that need to be solved. Many have appreciated the temple as a place to get away from the world and to communicate with Heavenly Father. Many have found answers, peace, and joy in the temple. I'm sure this is true for some, it's also true that many have not found answers, nor peace, nor joy in the temple.

President Ezra Taft Benson said: “Temples are places of personal revelation. I never received any and I always went to the temple with a specific question I needed answered. Maybe my questions were no good. When I have been weighed down by a problem or a difficulty, I have gone to the House of the Lord with a prayer in my heart for answers. These answers have come in clear and unmistakable ways” Lucky for you. (“What I Hope You Will Teach Your Children about the Temple,” Ensign, Aug. 1985, 8).

Explain that in the temple, we can submit the names of those who have special needs so that those who attend the temple can unite their faith and prayers in behalf of these people. It's a lot like the Care Bear stare.

Special Preparations for the First Temple Visit

The following information will help each person make all necessary preparations for the first temple visit and ensure that this visit is uplifting. Discuss with class members the information that applies to their circumstances. Alright! Some practical information!

1. Temple Recommend. Obtain a temple recommend. Be sure to carry your recommend with you to the temple, since only those with valid recommends may enter. Unfortunately, the Church doesn't trust you to diagnose yourself as worthy or not, so they make you confess your faith to the bishop and stake president. As you live worthily, the recommend will allow you to enter any temple of the Church as often as you wish during the next two years. To renew your temple recommend, you must be interviewed by a member of your bishopric or your branch president and a member of your stake presidency or the mission president.
   
2. Planning and Scheduling the Visit. Before you go to the temple to receive the endowment or the sealing ordinance, call the temple to make an appointment. It's a bit like the doctor's office in a way. Find out when you need to arrive at the temple, how long you should plan to stay, and what you should take with you. OK, maybe it's more like going off to spend a day with your aunt. Ask for translation assistance if necessary. Your aunt who maybe speaks another language.
   
3.   Travel Plans. If you live a long distance from the temple, you should consider the following:
   
   • Make transportation, lodging, and eating arrangements in advance. It may be to your advantage to travel with a group if possible. Group tours tend to be cheaper.
     
   • If necessary, make arrangements to exchange your money into the currency of the country where the temple is located. If you need to be told this, you're definitely at a good intellectual level to feel like you've learned something at the temple.
     
   • Take sufficient funds to cover all expenses. You may need to purchase additional garments, rent temple clothing, and pay for lodging and travel. (Note that rental clothing is not available in many temples. The First Presidency encourages all members to purchase their own temple clothing.) Apart from the bit about temple clothing rental, you shouldn't have to be told any of this.
     
4. Dress. Plan to dress as you would when attending Sunday meetings. Women should not wear pants to the temple. The Lord has a no pant's policy for women. He HATES pants on women. So gross!
   
5. Escorts. All who are going to the temple for the first time may have an escort to accompany them. No, not THAT kind of escort!! This can be a relative or friend of the same gender who has previously been to the temple, or one of the temple workers may assist. Workers in the temple will offer friendly guidance at all times. Your temple escort is the one who makes sure you don't fuck up too badly your first time through. Of course fuck ups could be avoided if the Church let new initiates practice the temple stuff a bit before they go, but that's just not the way God wants it.
   
6. Sealing Work. If you plan to do sealing work for your deceased ancestors, you should take completed family group records with you to the temple. Good to know. If you and your spouse are to be sealed or if you are going to have children sealed to you, you must have your own family group record. OK. If you are going to be married, you will need to comply with all local civil laws and bring a valid marriage license with you. Ah. Read carefully the Member’s Guide to Temple and Family History Work for more detailed information about how to provide temple ordinances for both the living and the dead. You may also contact the temple recorder at the temple you are planning to visit. OK then.
   
7. Care of Children. If children are coming to the temple to participate in a sealing ceremony, they will be cared for in the temple youth center until it is time for them to join you in the sealing room. What and who is in that room with my children? White clothing for the ceremony will be provided for the children. Who dresses them? After the sealing ceremony is completed, they will return to the center to wait for you. What do they do there while they're waiting? No care is provided at the temple for children not involved in a sealing. The temple's not a daycare, people!
   
8. Temple Garments. You will need to buy one or two pairs of temple garments before you enter the temple. Do not put them on before you go to the temple. Or they'll turn black and Satan will hide in your genitals for a few months. After receiving your endowment and when you are satisfied that you have identified the desirable size and fabric, you can purchase additional pairs of garments. So if your first pairs don't fit, too bad for you! Some people like to wash their initial pair of garments to make sure they fit comfortably before purchasing others. Good idea. And good luck finding comfortable ones. Temple garments are manufactured by the Church and may be purchased through Church Distribution Services. Or over at Mormon Secret.
   
   “The temple ceremonies are designed by a wise Heavenly Father … that you and I might not fail to merit exaltation in the celestial kingdom” That design has changed a lot over the years by wiser human beings, though. Believe me, if you had to do the shit they did a hundred years ago you would not be well pleased. (President Harold B. Lee).
9. Temple Clothing. The First Presidency has encouraged members to purchase and use their own temple clothing. In some temples it is possible to rent temple clothing for a small fee, but it is preferable for members to own and maintain their own temple clothing. It's less hassle for the Church that way. The bishop or branch president can provide information about where this clothing may be purchased. Good to know.
   Sisters may wear their wedding dresses for their temple wedding, but the dress must be white, have long sleeves, be modest in design and fabric, have no train, and be free from elaborate ornamentation. The Lord hates all the worldly fashiony bullshit in his house. It deeply offends him. We don't know why he's so sensitive. Sorry. 

Heavenly Father's going to be so mad when he sees you in here dressed like a slut!

Conclusion

Share your testimony of the sacredness of temple work. Say whatever comes to mind. Nothing comes to mind? Fine, just say "I want to share my testimony with each and everyone of you that the "work" we do in the temple is extremely sacred. There's nothing more sacred on earth. Nothing. Not clean air and water. Not the pure love of a child. Nothing. Wearing funny clothes, learning handshakes, and repeating bizarre passwords is as good as we get in this life. It's true, I promise. In the name of Joshua the Oiled One, amen! Express your happiness in seeing the class members prepare to enter the temple. Just say "I'm so happy and excited for you! This is so great! I'm so happy! This is really wonderful!"

Following this lesson, class participants and instructors should attend the temple together where possible. Oh boy! I just wish we would have covered more...

Temple prep - Endowed from on High "Lesson 4"

I'm reading the Church Education System's manual for temple preparation and adding my two cents. Text found here.

Objective

“And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh” (D&C 84:21). Isn't God (and the power of godliness) evident to "men in the flesh" through all of Creation regardless of priesthood authority and ordinances? The Book of Mormon strongly suggests that he is and all we really have to do to observe this power is observe the stars and planets (Alma 30:40-41, 44).

To help class members understand the importance of temple ordinances and covenants. This lesson is totally for me. If there's one thing I can claim to not understand about the temple it's its importance to a Christian God. But somehow I doubt this lesson will be of much help...

Preparation

1. If it is available in your area, you may want to show the video presentation Together Forever. Yet another super-sentimental video from the '80s? This trash is emotional manipulation for the hyper-sensitive. The presentation lasts approximately 27 minutes. 27 minutes of stiff scripted and poorly acted religious goop. Pure torture (except for the bad boy in a sports car 12 min. in).
   
2. You may want to prepare to have the class members sing “More Holiness Give Me” (Hymns, no. 131). That's a great song who's message can be summed up as: "More more more, now now now. I'm a worthless god dropping. Amen."
   

Lesson Presentation

Ask class members if they have any questions. About what? You haven't even introduced the topic yet, so unless these kids have read something on their own (from the Internet, say) they won't have anything to ask. Take the time required to answer questions to the best of your ability and as guided by the Lord’s Spirit. Fine. I have a question for you to answer by the Spirit. Why do we no longer speak Adamic in the prayer circle? Why would the Lord reveal that special language and then tell us we're not supposed to use it anymore? Did we piss of God in the late '80s somehow? Remember that some aspects of temple work must not be discussed outside the temple. Adamic is no longer part of the temple ceremony so can we talk about it?

In the Temple We Receive Ordinances and Make Covenants

Explain that in the temple we receive the ordinances that will enable us to return to the presence of God. Kids, these are handshakes and oaths taken directly from the Freemasons and modified in some cases by Joseph Smith. We also make covenants to live the laws of the gospel. Didn't we already do that at baptism and every week after in sacrament meeting? The following material will provide information about ordinances and covenants in general, and temple ordinances and covenants in particular. Ooh! Particulars!

Ordinances

Explain that an ordinance is a sacred ceremony that has a spiritual meaning and effect. We learned this long before we were baptized.

Ask the class members to name some of the ordinances in the Church. (They may mention naming and blessing of babies, baptism, confirmation, the sacrament, ordination to the priesthood, and temple ordinances.) Well they can't really name the temple ordinances because they probably don't know what they are. They might mention anointing the sick and dedicating graves. Magical healing lube and sanctifying holes in the ground are important!
Explain that ordinances performed by the power of the priesthood are essential to our exaltation. I think Jesus would say that baptism and the sacrament are essential. He didn't talk about the other stuff as essential, if he talked about it at all. It is through these ordinances that we receive the power of God in our lives. Jump through the hoops and God gives you one of his lightning bolts to play with.
 

Ask the class members to read Doctrine and Covenants 84:19–21.

• What is necessary in order for the power of godliness to be manifest in our lives? (The ordinances of the Melchizedek Priesthood. The “greater priesthood” mentioned in these verses is the Melchizedek Priesthood.) This doesn't make sense at all. What about those verses in Alma I linked us to above? They say that God's power is manifest through all things. The New Testament says that God makes it rain on rich and poor. My understanding is that everyone is constantly witnessing God's power everyday regardless of who we are. Does God not bless people who aren't baptized LDS? Does he not answer their prayers? Does he not work through them?

“We covenant to give of our resources in time and money and talent—all we are and all we possess—to the interest of the kingdom of God upon the earth” (Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple, 35). So rewrite my wills, kids. The LDS Church gets it all.

Have class members turn to page 29 in Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple. Ask a class member to read the following statement aloud:

“How important are the ordinances to us as members of the Church? The real question is "How important are these ordinances to Jesus?" Probably not very. He never really talked about them.

“Can you be happy, can you be redeemed, can you be exalted without them? Answer: They are more than advisable or desirable, or even than necessary. More even than essential or vital. They are crucial to each of us.” "Necessary", "essential", "vital" and "crucial" are synonyms. Your rhetoric is weak.

Covenants

Emphasize that a covenant is a sacred agreement between God and a person or group of people. More rehash of baptismal prep. I promise we all get it at this point. God sets specific conditions, and He promises to bless us as we obey those conditions. The conditions are pretty rigid and the blessings are extremely suspicious. God's stacked things in his favor. When we choose not to keep covenants, we cannot receive the blessings, and in some instances we suffer a penalty as a consequence of our disobedience. Before 1990 the penalties LDS Mormons were covenanting to involved slitting throats, slashing chests open and disembowelment. Fortunately that was all rhetorical and not literal. Still gross though. The saving ordinances of the priesthood are always accompanied by covenants. Because God can't help you unless you dress in white and get dipped in water or whatever. He's got to know you're in it to win it! #powerofhazing

• What covenants have you made with the Lord up to this point in your lives? (Class members may mention the covenant of baptism, which is renewed each time we take the sacrament.) That just about covers it. They haven't made other covenants and Jesus didn't ask for any more.
• What covenants do we make when we are baptized? (See Mosiah 18:8–10; D&C 20:37.) To call ourselves Jesus' people, share hardships, show empathy and generosity to others, tell everyone that God is great, serve God always and show others you do indeed serve him (best done by feeding the hungry, clothing the naked and healing the sick).

Emphasize that when we make covenants with God, we express our desire to serve God and our willingness to obey all that is asked of us. Trying to express that desire through any other means just doesn't convince the Lord. You have to play by his arbitrary rules. In return, God promises us many wonderful blessings. Ugh! More "blessings". This is just shorthand for "trust us". We must make and keep covenants in order to progress toward eternal life. And one of those covenants, ladies, is that you will obey your husband. I'm not kidding. Apparently unless you "harken unto" your righteous husband, you'll be blocked at the pearly gates.

Temple Ordinances and Covenants

Explain that the temple ordinances include the endowment and sealings (temple marriage and sealing of parents to children) for both the living and the dead. I'm guessing everyone in the class already knows this. Why don't we explain instead what the endowment looks like and how sealings began as polygamous unions, not monogamous ones. The ordinance of baptism for the dead is performed in temples, as are other priesthood ordinances. Jews hate that whole baptism for the dead thing, as do many other people who don't want Mormons trying to convert their ancestors. In the temple ordinances, we make solemn covenants to give ourselves to God and to help build His kingdom on earth. I think you mean "at baptism". The temple is sounding redundant.

Elder James E. Talmage said about the covenants we make in the endowment:

“The ordinances of the endowment embody certain obligations on the part of the individual, such as covenant and promise to observe the law of strict virtue and chastity, to be charitable, benevolent, tolerant and pure; to devote both talent and material means to the spread of truth and the uplifting of the race; to maintain devotion to the cause of truth; and to seek in every way to contribute to the great preparation that the earth may be made ready to receive her King,—the Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you very much for the list, I just have a question for you: how are these not covered in the baptismal covenants? I think they're already covered. With the taking of each covenant and the assuming of each obligation a promised blessing is pronounced, contingent upon the faithful observance of the conditions” (The House of the Lord, rev. ed. [1976], 84). What blessings? List some that are actually convincing. I can tell everyone what you hear in the temple. The gods promise they "will provide a Savior for you, whereby you may come back into our presence, and with us partake of Eternal Life and exaltation". Part of this partaking of "Eternal Life and exaltation" includes "the day... when you will be... Kings and Queens, Priests and Priestesses" in heaven. It sounds impressive, doesn't it?

You may want to review the covenants just described by writing them on the chalkboard. I guess, but where are the actual temple covenants to be found? Why can't temple preppers see them in advance? Emphasize that we make covenants to be righteous and pure, and we also make covenants to give all we have to building the Lord’s kingdom. Tithing isn't enough. The LDS Church wants all you money. Read the following statement:

“We are a covenant people. We covenant to give of our resources in time and money and talent—all we are and all we possess—to the interest of the kingdom of God upon the earth” (Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple, 35). God knows when you're holding back and it really pisses him off! No hiding cash in your mattress, no putting meetings of personal importance over church meetings, no pretending you don't know how to play the trumpet. You've promised it all to God.

• In what ways can we give “all we are and all we possess” to the kingdom of God? Stop spending money on vacations and eating out and start giving that money to the Church. Make sure we properly indoctrinate out children to think that our family is happy because and only because of Church doctrine. That's for starters.
• What sometimes hinders members from giving all that they have to the Lord’s kingdom? Needing to buy food for yourself. Believing that the poor and sick could use the money more.

You may want to share your testimony about the blessings that have come into your life because you have made and kept temple covenants. Feel free to say anything you want here no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Tell students that you always grow beautiful carrots in you garden thanks to your temple covenants. Tell them that you've never once had to dip into your year supply of food because you always make sure spend generous amounts of time in the temple. You can seriously say anything and say it's because of the temple. Or you may want to ask another endowed person to share his or her testimony. Sometimes making up blessings can be rather fatiguing or make you feel a bit dishonest so it's nice to pass that task on to someone else.

We Must Be Faithful to the Covenants We Make in the Temple

Explain that the Lord said, “Unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required” (Luke 12:48). And yet the Church maintains a flat 10% on all of its members for some reason. It's time to raise tithing on the rich.

• How do you think this verse applies to the covenants we make in the temple? It has nothing to do with those covenants. They didn't even exist back in New Testament times. What this has to do with is the way servants behave when their master is away. If they know what their master wants, they should do it; if they don't know and don't do, they should still get beaten up a bit. Not exactly to most moral of lessons.

Explain that the Lord has provided temple ordinances and covenants so that His children can understand the purpose of this life and be prepared for the glorious opportunities of eternal life. This is ridiculous. Every LDS child is taught the "purpose of life" well before they can even pronounce the words let alone comprehend them. We're so saturated with the plan of salvation by the age of 4, we actually think it makes sense. When we receive these blessings, we become accountable to live worthy of our increased knowledge and opportunities. You've learned little to nothing (a secret name, the discomfort of garments, some Freemasonry and a new format for group prayer) and the increased opportunities are delusional. Do we honestly think knowing the Sure Sign of the Nail is going to unlock another level of heaven to us? Please. Emphasize that we must be faithful to the covenants made in the temple.

• Why is it so important to be faithful to the covenants we make in the temple? Because you just said we must be. Because if we're not we won't get the, um... "blessings"? Because if we stop wearing garments we'll lose our divine fire insurance? Because if we turn on our temple covenants God will ship us off to live with Satan in Outer Darkness? What's the answer?

Ask the class members to read Doctrine and Covenants 82:10. Ah! Because God will cut us loose! Scary!

President Joseph Fielding Smith said: “I say unto you the Lord is not bound, unless you keep the covenant. God already said that in D&C. The Lord never breaks his covenant. Just look at rainbows! We haven't had a global flood since Noah! Why? Because the Lord keeps his word. When he makes a covenant with one of us, he will not break it. Hopefully. I mean he's God, he can do what he wants. If it is going to be broken, we will break it. Remember, it is ALWAYS YOUR FAULT. YOU are always the problem. But when it is broken, he is under no obligation to give us the blessing, and we shall not receive it” Call it tough love, but it's sill love. (Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McConkie, 3 vols. [1954–56], 2:256–57).

“I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (D&C 82:10). Yes, repeat it! Plant it deep into their loamy gray matter!

Faithfulness to Our Covenants Will Bring Peace and Safety

Explain that the temple is a place of peace and a sanctuary in a troubled world. In this sanctuary you will be herded blindly (your first time) into threatening talk of Satan and discussions about how evil the world is. Very peaceful stuff. :S As we attend the temple regularly and are faithful to our covenants, we will find peace, safety, and direction in our lives. Unless, of course, you don't. Some people find the temple troubling and meaningless. We wonder why the Church still practices Joseph's version of temple worship.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “If we will keep our covenants, the covenants will keep us spiritually safe” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1987, 87; or Ensign, May 1987, 71). In other words, watch yourselves or Satan will get you!

• In what ways have the covenants you have made thus far helped to keep you spiritually safe? I was taught that getting baptized and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost was going to keep me straight, but I could never sort out when it was influencing me. What I'm saying is that I don't believe I have been kept safe.

Point out that in the temple we covenant to live worthy to return to the presence of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Which you've already done at baptism. Sometimes, in the midst of our daily struggles, we may wonder if such living is possible. Only if we're constantly repenting for being weak, stupid beings who need to be bathed in god blood.

Ask the class members to read 1 Nephi 17:3, 13.

• What do these scriptures teach about how the Lord will help as we strive to return to Him? They didn't say anything about how to keep the commandments or if it's even possible as imperfect beings, they just say that if we do God will lead us. How have you seen these scriptures fulfilled in your life? I haven't. I prayed several times a day to be lead by God as a missionary and mostly talked to crazy people. It was very frustrating. Apart from missionary work, it doesn't seem I needed much direction from God. Life was always good for me. I still sought it fervently with no success.

Elder Boyd K. Packer said: “When you come to the temple and receive your endowment, and kneel at the altar and be sealed, you can live an ordinary life and be an ordinary soul—struggling against temptation, failing and repenting, and failing again and repenting, but always determined to keep your covenants. In fact, keep feeling like a failure in need of repentance your whole life because that way you'll be more likely to keep attending church. … Then the day will come when you will receive the benediction: ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things; enter thou into the joy of thy lord’ (Matthew 25:21)” (Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled [1991], 257). Never stop believing that. This is one imaginary carrot you're going to catch!

President Howard W. Hunter invited us to go to the temple often “for the personal blessing of temple worship, for the sanctity and safety which is provided within those hallowed and consecrated walls. "Blessing blessing blessing!" It's a blessing you're spending hours in a quiet earthquake proof building. You have less of a chance of being in a building that will collapse on you. The temple is a place of beauty, it is a place of revelation, it is a place of peace. But not for everyone. Some find its aesthetic to be in bad taste, its teachings to be jarringly stupid, and the general vibe extremely unsettling. It is the house of the Lord. Don't trip on his shoes on your way in. It is holy unto the Lord. Trust us. God loves veiled women. It should be holy unto us” Whatever God likes we need to like too. (quoted in Jay M. Todd, “President Howard W. Hunter,” Ensign, July 1994, 5).

Conclusion

Ask class members to share their feelings about the blessings of receiving the temple ordinances and making covenants with Heavenly Father. How can they when they haven't been through the temple and received those "blessings"? Are you asking how they feel about the idea of getting blessed for participating in temple ceremonies? I feel like God has to have some serious issues if he can only bless his children if they sit through these absurd temple ordinances (which have not even been detailed yet - and this lesson promised particulars!). I also feel like baptism by proper authority is only slightly less absurd. I feel like an all loving god could have set up a much more better system for teaching his billions of children.

If time permits and the video presentation Together Forever is available in your area, you may want to show the presentation. You do not want to watch this video. It's godawful.

Bear testimony about the blessings of receiving the temple ordinances and the privilege of entering into covenants with Heavenly Father. You already did this earlier in the lesson so just say with quiver in your voice and a tear in your eye that you KNOW! Heavenly Father wants to bless us so badly and WILL! if we humbly seek to make and keep the sacred temple covenants! No further testifying is necessary. Thank you.

Temple prep - "Not without Opposition"

The following text is taken from the pamphlet "Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple" (2002) and annotated by me.

Temples are the very center of the spiritual strength of the Church. That's right, all of you who are too young to go to the temple or who only attend you're 3 hours of block meetings on Sunday, do family home evening on Monday, manage Boy Scouts on Tuesday, help with Mutual on Wednesday, and go to Relief Society enrichment events on Thursday, and help move a neighbor on Saturday, YOU'RE PERIPHERICAL, you're just flies buzzing around the outhouse. Start going to the temple every Friday. We should expect that the adversary will try to interfere with us as a Church and with us individually as we seek to participate in this sacred and inspired work. Fear the Devil, kids. Assume that anyone and anything that might distract you is a tool of Satan. There be witches about and they're after you! The interference can vary from the terrible persecutions of the earlier days to apathy toward the work. That's right. If you're not gung ho about all this, you're under the influence of the Evil One! The latter is perhaps the most dangerous and debilitating form of resistance to temple work. The greatest lie Satan ever convinced us of is that he doesn't exist! The Boogeyman is real!

Temple work brings so much resistance because it is the source of so much spiritual power to the Latter-day Saints, and to the entire Church. Not because it's the source of much boredom, bafflement, annoyance, discomfort, silliness, and emptiness?

At the Logan Temple cornerstone dedication, President George Q. Cannon made this statement:

Every foundation stone that is laid for a Temple, and every Temple completed according to the order the Lord has revealed for his holy Priesthood, lessens the power of Satan on the earth, and increases the power of God and Godliness, moves the heavens in mighty power in our behalf, invokes and calls down upon us the blessings of the Eternal Gods, and those who reside in their presence. So I guess the world has gotten a heck of a lot better over the past 150 years. We have so many temples now, Satan must be horribly weak by now. (In “The Logan Temple,” Millennial Star, 12 Nov. 1877, page 743.)

"Satan, I renounce thee! Now take me back to the temple!"

When members of the Church are troubled or when crucial decisions weigh heavily upon their minds, it is a common thing for them to go to the temple. This is because they have been advised by Church leaders to take their problems to the temple, so they do. It is a good place to take our cares. So says another LDS apostle. Thanks, Boyd (R.I.P.). In the temple we can receive spiritual perspective. By staring at the backs of others heads while we watch a shit movie? You've got to be joking. There, during the time of the temple service, we are “out of the world.” You put "out of the world" in parentheses because we're really not. We're just pretending.

A large part of the value of these occasions is the fact that we are doing something for someone that they cannot do for themselves. And believe me, sitting on your ass in a comfy chair for a couple hours is a much better way to help someone than rolling up your sleeves and breaking a sweat outside in the world where your living and breathing neighbors live. Don't doubt that Jesus would have sat in air conditioning watching movies instead of treading dusty roads lined with sick people and prostitutes had he been given the chance. As we perform the endowment for someone who is dead, somehow we feel a little less hesitant to pray fervently to the Lord to assist us. I've never heard anyone say this ever. When young married couples have decisions to make, if they are near a temple there is great value in attending a session. It reminds the young couple that they should be giving the church more money and having more children to baptize. There is something cleansing and clarifying about the spiritual atmosphere of the temple. Is there? What is that something? What are you talking about? This sounds like BS.

Sometimes our minds are so beset with problems, and there are so many things clamoring for attention at once, that we just cannot think clearly and see clearly. So go to the temple to work on deciphering all the arcane symbolism! :S At the temple the dust of distraction seems to settle out, the fog and the haze seem to lift, and we can “see” things that we were not able to see before and find a way through our troubles that we had not previously known. Kids, just go on a hike or sit by a river for fuck's sake. Learn to meditate or something. Don't work through life's problems by watching a stupid dramatic production about how Satan is after you.

The Lord will bless us as we attend to the sacred ordinance work of the temples. Generic blessings or do you have something specific in mind? Blessings there will not be limited to our temple service. Why not? Why would we go to the temple and expect blessings not associated with temple attendance? We will be blessed in all of our affairs. Are you saying we'll see extra financial benefits at work? I'm pretty sure in the temple movie Satan promises Adam and Eve money... We will be eligible to have the Lord take an interest in our affairs both spiritual and temporal. Awesome! You really are promising temporal blessings like Satan did! Great job. I'm reconverted to temple attendance. :S

Temple Prep - "Come to the Temple"

The following text is taken from the pamphlet "Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple" (2002) and annotated by me.

 

There are many reasons why one should want to come to the temple. Even its external appearance seems to hint of its deeply spiritual purposes. Sounds like curiosity and you said curiosity was not a good reason to go to the temple. I should also add that the external appearance of the temple is all you get before going through. No one hears about the secret rituals unless they have someone close to them break the temple rules or they do a little online searching. Much more is this evident within its walls. Over the door to the temple appears the tribute “Holiness to the Lord.” When you enter any dedicated temple, you are in the house of the Lord. That "Holiness to the Lord" tribute is still external, sir, not "within its walls". Anyway, I really hope you explain some of the internal stuff to help us all understand just why you think the Lord would live in an LDS temple. I suspect you saw him there one morning in his pajamas frying a couple of eggs, or at least found his toothbrush in the bathroom.

In the Church we build buildings of many kinds. Like luxury malls, sky rise apartments and anything else that will fit in a city designed for 500 thousand people. We're busy little bees, ain't we? In them we worship, we teach, we find recreation, we organize. You forgot "buy", "sell", "invest" and "strategize". We can organize stakes and wards and missions and quorums and Relief Societies in these buildings or even in rented halls. But, when we organize families according to the order that the Lord has revealed, we organize them in the temples. What? It sounds like you need a little lesson on how families are made. There are several options. The most popular method is sexual reproduction. Another very popular approach is adoption. Both sexual reproduction and adoption can happen different ways, but I'm guessing you're already not paying attention...  Temple marriage, that sealing ordinance, is a crowning blessing that you may claim in the holy temple. The way you've framed it, it sounds more like the capstone requiring a skillful crane maneuver. 

In the temples members of the Church who make themselves eligible can participate in the most exalted of the redeeming ordinances that have been revealed to mankind. There, in a sacred ceremony, an individual may be washed and anointed and instructed and endowed and sealed. Weren't we washed at baptism? Why do we need to be washed again? And what do we need anointing for? How does the content of the instruction you speak of differ from our regular meetings? What does "endowed" mean exactly? I think sealings are the only thing non-endowed members really understand before they go through the temple. It means an eternal marriage, right? A marriage that can never ever be dissolved by God or man. And when we have received these blessings for ourselves, we may officiate for those who have died without having had the same opportunity. Why would God not give so many billions of his children this opportunity in life? Why would he make nearly everyone who's ever lived writhe in sorrow and anguish over the unavoidable loss of their loved ones at death for the duration of their earth life? Don't you think they'll be at least a little annoyed to find out that someone else was sealed on their behalf? That all their emotional suffering was for nothing? The jokes on them! In the temples the sacred ordinances are performed for the living and for the dead alike. Those who died without the law are exempt from the law. That's what the scriptures say. Do you believe your own scriptures? Here is the baptismal font, where vicarious baptisms for the dead are performed, with worthy members acting as proxy for those who have gone beyond the veil. Baptism, like most rites in most cultures, is horribly arbitrary. It's almost like God didn't think this through.

“Come to the temple.” If not now, come soon. Pray fervently, set your lives in order, save whatever you can in hopes that that day may come. "Save" as in "save your money so you can spend it on temple attendance? This finally sounds a bit like temple attendance in Jesus' day. Will we buy sacrificial doves and oxen there or just T-shirts and keychains? Start now that sometimes very difficult and discouraging journey of repentance. Because you know your reader is that besmirched with sin? Keep in mind that your audience has been baptized, and repentance, dear brother, is a prerequisite for baptism. What I mean is, we know about repentance. The temple transforms the individual and makes abundantly worthwhile any efforts made to get there. You're right about being transformed. I doubled my efforts to understand what I had gotten involved in and those efforts to understand ultimately changed my life in a big way. For some who live at great distances from a temple, the temples will come to you before you might come to them. Keep your faith and your hope and determine that you will come—that you will be worthy and that you will come to the temple. If you're online you have no excuse for not going to the temple right now.

Anti-Banking

If Joseph Smith's years of scrying and his story of gold plates that no one can see don't bother you at all, you probably won't be phased by Joseph's illegal creation of an "anti-bank" (sounds inspired by the Anti-Nephi-Lehies). It was a pure con that blew up in his face and cost the saints a pretty penny.

I have no idea how anyone can deny that Joseph was a conman. Doubt it if you can, shelf it if you must.

Heavenly fatherliness #33 - Not an ATM

According to popular wisdom, a good father does not allow his children to treat him like an ATM.

Heavenly Father scores again! He is definitely not letting us cash in on his infinite resources. God only blesses us with financial prosperity when he sees fit. Most frequently that monetary blessing comes in the form of a coin on the sidewalk.

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father.

A little cash on the side

Why did the Smith family turn the whole Egyptian mummies and papyri purchase into a money making endeavor? Why in the tours offered by the Smith family did they say so many things about the artifacts that were horribly false? And why didn't they at least stick with the same false information instead of making up new bullshit from time to time? I thought this stuff was supposed to be ancient and sacred.

The leg of Pharaoh's daughter? The one who found Moses? Um... OK, Lucy. Sounds totally legit...

Large and spacious

Mormons fear large and spacious buildings unless they're temples where they can imagine ascending into Heaven, a conference centers from which they can judge and mock the world, or a mall.

I don't understand it either.

Show me the money

The LDS Church's finances are all entirely secret. Members are required to pay 10% of their income to the Church, plus additional monetary offerings, and yet they have only the foggiest idea of how that money is being spent. Mormons trust the Church is using their money exactly the way Jesus himself would use it. I assume the Church administrators would tell you the same thing and insist that all monies are spent only after prayerful consideration. So why the financial secrecy? What is the Church hiding? Can we trust that all our tithes and offerings are going toward Christ-like endeavors? It's a topic worthy of investigation.