Showing posts with label New Testament. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Testament. Show all posts

Friday, July 17, 2015

Temple prep - "The Power to Seal"

The following text is taken from the pamphlet "Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple" (2002) and annotated by me.


If we would understand both the history and the doctrine of temple work we must understand what the sealing power is. I'm pretty sure chemists and physicists are working on that right now. We will crack the code! We must envision, at least to a degree, why the keys of authority to employ the sealing power are crucial. Self importance, perhaps?

Nearly nine hundred years before Christ, the prophet Elijah appeared in the court of the king of Israel. He carried with him a sacred authority: the power to seal. You don't think this story's made up?? I mean, it's from the Old Testament for crying out loud.

Elijah worked out his ministry, ordained and anointed Elisha to succeed him, and then—and this is important—he did not die. Like Moses before him, he was translated. Could he also fly and see through walls?


After that, his name appears only once in the Old Testament, in the next to the last verse of the last chapter of the Old Testament. It is here that Malachi prophesies that Elijah would return and that he would “turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers,” lest the whole earth be smitten with a curse. (See Malachi 4:5–6.) I really and truly hate curses. Please tell me Elijah flew back in from wherever he flew off to.
When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?
And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets.
He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?
And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.
And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-jona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.
And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.
And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. (Matthew 16:13–19.)
You didn't transition at all to these verses. How did you get from Malachi talking hearts to Matthew talking stones and keys so fast?

When Peter, James, and John went with the Lord to the Mount of Transfiguration, there appeared with the transfigured Lord two personages. It's all true, isn't it? Please tell me there are dead people that can come back and float in the air as we levitate. They recognized them to be Moses and Elijah, who had come to convey to that presidency the sealing power. (See Matthew 17:1–8; note that Elias is the Greek translation of the Hebrew name Elijah and is often used in the New Testament to designate Elijah, the prophet of the Old Testament.) If only Joseph Smith knew what you just shared with us he wouldn't look like such an ass today.


Peter was to hold the keys. Is that a euphemism for touching one's cock and balls? Peter was to hold the sealing power, that authority which carries the power to bind or seal on earth or to loose on earth and it would be so in the heavens. He could make thinks in the sky the same as on the ground? You need to explain this better. Maybe what you mean is that he had a special glue for his model rockets so they wouldn't fall apart in the air.

In A.D. 34, after His crucifixion, the Lord ministered to the Nephites. That's miraculous because the Nephites are a fiction. He dictated to them—and this is remarkable in scriptural history—the last two chapters of Malachi (which contained the prophecy that Elijah would return), caused them to write them, and then expounded them. What's truly miraculous here is that the Lord dictated from the King James Bible, which was still about 1600 years in the making. Or Joseph just copied them down from his Bible at home and threw in his preferred interpretation.

When the Angel Moroni appeared to the Prophet Joseph Smith to tell him of the plates, he quoted Malachi’s prophecy that Elijah would return. According to one version of the story. This quotation is now section two of the Doctrine and Covenants. So thanks to Joseph Smith, Malachi is now canonized in Jacobian English in 3 different books of scripture. Impressive.

Thirteen years after Moroni appeared, a temple had been built adequate for the purpose, and the Lord again appeared and Elijah came with Him and bestowed the keys of the sealing power. He returned again? That's dedication! Unfortunately he got back too late to help Joseph authorize his first plural marriage. Oops.

Those keys belong to the President of the Church—to the prophet, seer, and revelator. Today it's a man who has neither prophesied, seen or revealed anything on behalf of the Church. Despite those shortcomings, don't doubt that he is definitely holding fast to those keys. That sacred sealing power is with the Church now. Says the Church. Nothing is regarded with more sacred contemplation by those who know the significance of this authority. What is that significance? You haven't really said. Nothing is more closely held. Because of greed or fear? What would happen if those keys were conferred on an evil man? Would God help you find these keys again if you accidentally lost them?  There are relatively few men who hold this sealing power upon the earth at any given time—in each temple are brethren who have been given the sealing power. Our holy chefs of the original recipe... No one can get it except from the prophet, seer, and revelator and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or from those he has delegated to give it to others. This is why you have to go with LDS Mormonism. Don't settle for anything less than the most powerful sealing contractors in the business!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Mark Twain's review


"The Mormon Bible is rather stupid and tiresome to read, but there is nothing vicious in its teachings. Its code of morals is unobjectionable—it is “smouched” from the New Testament and no credit given."

Read the entire review here.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Heavenly fatherliness #37 - Open-minded

According to popular wisdom, a good father is open-minded.


I'm not sure how Heavenly Father can get a point for this one. He's not open-minded. It's either his way or the highway. Always.

Jesus was like that too: "he [Jesus] turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men" (Matthew 16:22-23).

God things are cool. Human things suck shit. Thus saith the Lord. 

On the other hand, Heavenly Father does understand all things, including all our thoughts (just imagine how dirty God's mind must be!). You've got to have a pretty big, open mind to do that.

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father.

Monday, April 28, 2014

The Bible! The Bible! Who assembled the Bible?


A common pet peeve among Mormons is when someone assumes the Book of Mormon is the Mormon version of the Bible. Fuck's sake, people, "we believe the Bible to be the word of God" (Article of Faith 1:8)! We just have another book of scripture to help straighten things out. See, it's like a pair of glasses - one corrective lens isn't going to be enough to get your vision into focus...

So if Mormons are cool with the extra books found in The Book of Mormon how do Mormons feel about the Apocrypha? Well, quite frankly, Mormons never touch it. Here's what God told Joseph Smith:

"Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you concerning the Apocrypha—There are many things contained therein that are true, and it is mostly translated correctly; There are many things contained therein that are not true, which are interpolations by the hands of men. Verily, I say unto you, that it is not needful that the Apocrypha should be translated. Therefore, whoso readeth it, let him understand, for the Spirit manifesteth truth" (D&C 91:1-4).


In other words, there's too much shit to wade through; don't waste your time. Oh, and don't read the Songs of Solomon either - they're not inspired. Those Old Testament apocrypha are the worst! (But the Book of Judith seems to have inspired the Book of Mormon somehow.) But the New Testament apocryphal gospels are a little trickier. Some of those darn Gnostic gospels actually predate the gospels included in the final cut. It seems as though their exclusion from the Greatest Hits compilation was more a matter of politics than unbiased research.


What if, in addition to pseudopigrypha, there were a huge absence of authentic and essential texts in the Bible? Why aren't the LDS Church and Mormons at large more interested and involved in a revision of the canonical Bible texts? Does corrective power of The Book of Mormon really justify having the wrong prescription in the other lens?

Sunday, April 27, 2014

The biblical authors


Mormons "believe the Bible to be the word of God" (Article of Faith 1:8). Does this go for all of the words in all of the books? I ask because Bible scholars have found that, for example, Moses didn't write the first books of the Old Testament, Solomon didn't write the Psalms, Isaiah was written by at least two people, and Paul is not the author of all of his epistles. Those are significant problems, but there are still more.


Are they still the words of God if we know that the author is different than what was traditionally believed? Do we need to treat the questionable books, chapters, and verses with any particular care? How can the Bible's pseudopigrapha not be subjected to doubt? Do we need to revise the eighth Article of Faith? Couldn't one of our prophets, seers, and revelators go through and separate the actual words of the prophets and apostles from those of the impostors? What would remain of the Bible were we to remove everything of false or highly questionable authorship? Would we finally have a bulletproof Bible full entirely and only with the Word of God?