Follow the prophet

PROPHETS ARE WONDERFUL! FOLLOW THAT SHIT! WOOT WOOT!

Adam-ondi-Ahman

When the early saints moved down to Missouri Joseph Smith conveniently learned that it was a very cool place. Jesus was going to do some millennial ruling from there and, believe it or not, Adam, the father of mankind, would also be making a return visit! The exact location is called Adam-ondi-Ahman (Adamic for "Adam in the presence of God") but before that it was just good old Spring Hill.

"Spring Hill is named by the Lord Adam-ondi-Ahman, because, said he, it is the place where Adam shall come to visit his people, or the Ancient of Days shall sit, as spoken of by Daniel the prophet." (D&C 116:1)

Actually, before that it was the Adams and Eves family stopping grounds. 

"Three years previous to the death of Adam, he called Seth, Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel, Jared, Enoch, and Methuselah, who were all high priests, with the residue of his posterity who were righteous, into the valley of Adam-ondi-Ahman, and there bestowed upon them his last blessing." (D&C 107:53)

 No Eden here, try Missouri.

Yes, that means the Garden of Eden was in North America and not somewhere in the vicinity of the Middle East. Here's what Spring Hill/Adam-ondi-Aham/Almost Eden looks like.

I always had a hard time with believing this story. Adam, as in an actual historical non-literary first man created by God 6000 years ago? Missouri, really? God's mentioning mountains, I don't think this can be the right place. What about the whole scientifically-based "out of Africa" thing? And why's Adam coming back for the Second Coming anyway? Won't that steal some of Jesus' thunder? What other big names are billed for the event? If I get tickets for Adam's Blessing will I still be able to catch the Destruction of Gog and Magogs? I hear that show's gonna kick ass.

And how about the Adam-ondi-Ahman temple? Is that venue up yet? I can't wait! I hear it's gonna be sweet!

The New Jerusalem

Are you ready to pack up and move to Jackson County, Missouri? Will you be willing to uproot everything when the prophet makes the call? It could happen any day now. These are the latter days, people!

Back when God revealed the location of New Jerusalem he made it clear that there was not time to waste.

"Yea, the word of the Lord concerning his church, established in the last days for the restoration of his people, as he has spoken by the mouth of his prophets, and for the gathering of his saints to stand upon Mount Zion, which shall be the city of New Jerusalem. Which city shall be built, beginning at the temple lot, which is appointed by the finger of the Lord, in the western boundaries of the State of Missouri, and dedicated by the hand of Joseph Smith, Jun., and others with whom the Lord was well pleased. Verily this is the word of the Lord, that the city New Jerusalem shall be built by the gathering of the saints, beginning at this place, even the place of the temple, which temple shall be reared in this generation. For verily this generation shall not all pass away until an house shall be built unto the Lord, and a cloud shall rest upon it, which cloud shall be even the glory of the Lord, which shall fill the house." (D&C 84:2-5, emphasis added)

"And in order that all things be prepared before you, observe the commandment which I have given concerning these things— Which saith, or teacheth, to purchase all the lands with money, which can be purchased for money, in the region round about the land which I have appointed to be the land of Zion, for the beginning of the gathering of my saints; All the land which can be purchased in Jackson county, and the counties round about, and leave the residue in mine hand." (D&C 101:69-71, emphasis added)

For those who don't know the story, the saints were driven out of Jackson and many generations have passed away without erecting New Jerusalem in the slightest (I'm sure God was very discouraged, but hopefully he's over it by now). Instead we built Zion in Salt Lake City and after a while just told people to stay put for the time being.

But Jackson County's still slated to be Zion, the New Jerusalem. That hasn't changed. Since the 1970s the LDS Church has been "purchas[ing] all the lands with money [...] which can be purchased with money," just like it says to do in D&C 101.

So why do I doubt this Jackson County-New Jerusalem thing? Is it because God was wrong when he said "verily this generation shall not pass away until an house shall be built unto the Lord" (D&C 84:5)? Is it because the Church seems so ho-hum about hastening the work? Is it because Missouri sucks? I mean, honestly, why would Jesus rule the entire world from Jackson County? It's weird.

Then again, is ruling the world from a throne build in rural America any weirder than ruling from Washington D.C. or London or Paris or Berlin or Moscow or Beijing or somewhere else? Jesus rules, he can do what he wants.

P.S. Goddammit people! Someone beat us to building building the New Jerusalem temple.

War - God's mouth piece

You know what was awful? Sitting through Gordon Hinckley's General Conference talk on war.

In case you forgot, the first semiannual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 2003 came about three weeks after the United States declared war on Iraq.

The war was on everyone's mind, so it was an awesome feeling to hear the prophet announce that he was going to address it. It was controversial, to say the least. We all had questions and doubts. We wanted answers. Who better than the prophet - the Lord's mouthpiece on Earth - to provide those answers?

For me Hinckley's talk was the talk that conference. No one could have anything more relevant to say. He was our man. He was going to set the record straight. We members were going to walk away proud to have a living prophet, grateful to understand our inspired position with regards to such a significant current event.

Here's what he said:
1. I have a great story about a Mormon dad who died!
2. Okay, anyway, so I really sought the Spirit about this whole thing because, you know, the Church is so global it's hard to know what to say to keep everyone happy. Let's face it, this is some emotional shit.
3. Here's the thing, war is old news! It's pretty much what we do.
4. We like to glorify it but really it's pretty fucking ugly.
5. Some of "our own" are fighting in this one! Yikes!
6. Here's a sad letter I got... things are sad and people don't like it!
7. So where do we as a church stand?
8. We don't hate Muslim's but (un)fortunately we're really under our government's thumb on this one.
9. Just keep in mind that we're all about peace!
10. And keep in mind that, like the Nephites, we're "inspired by a better cause"!
11. By the way, the Book of Mormon totally justifies wars like this...
12. And, look, even Jesus said he was going to bring "the sword"...
13. (Recap)
14. In case you were wondering, military personnel are just pawns and bear no responsibility for this shit show.
15. To be honest, God might actually get pissed off if you oppose this war.
16. Don't hate.
17. Let's pray our people come back safe.
18. Let's pray for the people we're gonna kill. (Sorry, guys, we love you!)
19. People die, but comfort comes from Jesus.
20. Let's hope the Millennium comes soon.
21. Let's also keep Jesus in our hearts and keep on preachin' on!
22. It's important to remember that our earthy existence is nothing in comparison to the eternities, so who cares how or when you die as long as you're cool with the Jeebs!

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Here's the recap: War happens and our scriptures say it's cool sometimes, and besides, maybe God wants this one because, holy shit, those dudes over there are evil, so I wouldn't oppose this one. Stay safe out there and trust in Jesus! Amen.

I thought we were all wondering about the existence of weapons of mass destruction and whether or not the war was really, truly justifiable based on evidence, not whether or not we should be converts of Christ.

Wouldn't it have been wonderfully prophetic had Gordon said something like "You know, I've been praying a lot about this conflict and my impression is that we need to take our time and look more closely at the evidence and consider more carefully the implications of waging war"? And wouldn't it have been truly amazing had he said "Dear brothers and sisters, this war is being waged on a false premise. This will be the greatest American scandal since the U.S. involvement in Vietnam. Our endorsement of this war will greatly tarnish our reputation and credibility abroad"?

Instead we got some bullshit talk about how we have to submit to the government, fight against evil, and, you know, BLESS OUR TROOPS! With prophets like this, who needs 'em?

Redeeming the dead

So now on to my first Mormon-specific doubt that comes to mind. Baptisms for the dead. On the one hand it only makes sense that God should provide a way for people who never ever had a chance to hear of Jesus to get a shot at accepting the Straight and Narrow via baptism, on the other hand it was recognizably insane even in my pre-teen brain. 

(What's a 9-year-old girl doing in the temple? And what's with the yellow dress?)

The thought of having to perform baptisms for every person who has lived since the ministry of Christ gets increasingly complicated when you consider things like the sheer number of people who have lived in the time spanning the Resurrection to today - only the smallest fraction of a percentage of which were baptized "by authority" - and the fact that no recording of names was ever made for the vast majority of those people. Even if some record had been made of a birth, a death, a marriage, a purchase, or anything else, chances are it doesn't exist anywhere. 

The way it was told me, the Mormon solution to the billions of forgotten and unresearchable names of the dead calls for the assistance of angels who will, I guess, whisper entire, unending genealogies to temple workers during the Millennium. Angels always get their facts straight so there won't be anything to worry about, right? Well, maybe. I didn't find it very convincing myself, but I doubted my logic and found faith in faith.