Temple prep - "Not without Opposition"

The following text is taken from the pamphlet "Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple" (2002) and annotated by me.

Temples are the very center of the spiritual strength of the Church. That's right, all of you who are too young to go to the temple or who only attend you're 3 hours of block meetings on Sunday, do family home evening on Monday, manage Boy Scouts on Tuesday, help with Mutual on Wednesday, and go to Relief Society enrichment events on Thursday, and help move a neighbor on Saturday, YOU'RE PERIPHERICAL, you're just flies buzzing around the outhouse. Start going to the temple every Friday. We should expect that the adversary will try to interfere with us as a Church and with us individually as we seek to participate in this sacred and inspired work. Fear the Devil, kids. Assume that anyone and anything that might distract you is a tool of Satan. There be witches about and they're after you! The interference can vary from the terrible persecutions of the earlier days to apathy toward the work. That's right. If you're not gung ho about all this, you're under the influence of the Evil One! The latter is perhaps the most dangerous and debilitating form of resistance to temple work. The greatest lie Satan ever convinced us of is that he doesn't exist! The Boogeyman is real!

Temple work brings so much resistance because it is the source of so much spiritual power to the Latter-day Saints, and to the entire Church. Not because it's the source of much boredom, bafflement, annoyance, discomfort, silliness, and emptiness?

At the Logan Temple cornerstone dedication, President George Q. Cannon made this statement:

Every foundation stone that is laid for a Temple, and every Temple completed according to the order the Lord has revealed for his holy Priesthood, lessens the power of Satan on the earth, and increases the power of God and Godliness, moves the heavens in mighty power in our behalf, invokes and calls down upon us the blessings of the Eternal Gods, and those who reside in their presence. So I guess the world has gotten a heck of a lot better over the past 150 years. We have so many temples now, Satan must be horribly weak by now. (In “The Logan Temple,” Millennial Star, 12 Nov. 1877, page 743.)

"Satan, I renounce thee! Now take me back to the temple!"

When members of the Church are troubled or when crucial decisions weigh heavily upon their minds, it is a common thing for them to go to the temple. This is because they have been advised by Church leaders to take their problems to the temple, so they do. It is a good place to take our cares. So says another LDS apostle. Thanks, Boyd (R.I.P.). In the temple we can receive spiritual perspective. By staring at the backs of others heads while we watch a shit movie? You've got to be joking. There, during the time of the temple service, we are “out of the world.” You put "out of the world" in parentheses because we're really not. We're just pretending.

A large part of the value of these occasions is the fact that we are doing something for someone that they cannot do for themselves. And believe me, sitting on your ass in a comfy chair for a couple hours is a much better way to help someone than rolling up your sleeves and breaking a sweat outside in the world where your living and breathing neighbors live. Don't doubt that Jesus would have sat in air conditioning watching movies instead of treading dusty roads lined with sick people and prostitutes had he been given the chance. As we perform the endowment for someone who is dead, somehow we feel a little less hesitant to pray fervently to the Lord to assist us. I've never heard anyone say this ever. When young married couples have decisions to make, if they are near a temple there is great value in attending a session. It reminds the young couple that they should be giving the church more money and having more children to baptize. There is something cleansing and clarifying about the spiritual atmosphere of the temple. Is there? What is that something? What are you talking about? This sounds like BS.

Sometimes our minds are so beset with problems, and there are so many things clamoring for attention at once, that we just cannot think clearly and see clearly. So go to the temple to work on deciphering all the arcane symbolism! :S At the temple the dust of distraction seems to settle out, the fog and the haze seem to lift, and we can “see” things that we were not able to see before and find a way through our troubles that we had not previously known. Kids, just go on a hike or sit by a river for fuck's sake. Learn to meditate or something. Don't work through life's problems by watching a stupid dramatic production about how Satan is after you.

The Lord will bless us as we attend to the sacred ordinance work of the temples. Generic blessings or do you have something specific in mind? Blessings there will not be limited to our temple service. Why not? Why would we go to the temple and expect blessings not associated with temple attendance? We will be blessed in all of our affairs. Are you saying we'll see extra financial benefits at work? I'm pretty sure in the temple movie Satan promises Adam and Eve money... We will be eligible to have the Lord take an interest in our affairs both spiritual and temporal. Awesome! You really are promising temporal blessings like Satan did! Great job. I'm reconverted to temple attendance. :S

Temple prep - Preparing to Enter the House of the Lord

This month's issue of the New Era focuses on getting kids excited about taking out their temple endowment. How informative is this form of temple preparation? Text found here.

Smile when you think of the temple. OK! It is a place of power and blessing. Cool. I hope you explain this power and describe these blessings later on.

At a temple open house, I noticed some girls file behind their parents through the temple. They smiled as they found their reflections in brides’ room mirrors. Thrilled at the thought of fulfilling their role as wives and breeders no doubt. “Remember,” their grandmother whispered, “how special you are and how much Heavenly Father loves you.” Says you, Grandma. Heavenly Father's more of the silent type, if you haven't noticed. Each girl imagined the time when she would return to the temple as a woman of faith, with maturing loveliness and capacity, ready to fulfill her mission on the earth. "Maturing loveliness"? Really? You mean boobs and birthing hips? And "her mission on earth" is sexual reproduction, right? How dare you write so disgustingly about teenage girls? Boys who attended the open house also had glimpses of their future blessings and responsibilities. What blessings? What are you talking about? How did you get in these boys' heads exactly? How do you know they were contemplating their "future responsibilities"? And what are those responsibilities? Tithing? Fatherhood? What are you talking about?

What these children felt in the temple was right. You don't even know what they felt, dude. You assume you do. Heavenly Father wants to bless you. How? And why would the temple make that any easier? You do know he's God, right? God can kind of do what he wants. His greatest blessings come as you enter the temple to receive sacred ordinances and to make and keep sacred covenants. What are those blessings? Where does God ever discuss in scripture the nature of the temple and its blessings in detail? Let me tell you: the Old Testament. Do you know what ancient temple worship was like? I'll tell you: nothing like modern LDS temple worship. There was a lot of buying animals, killing them, putting their blood and guts on an alter, and burning incense to cover the smell of slaughter. You are responsible to prepare and be ready. I sure hope you tell us how to do this.

The temple is important in your life, especially when you’re young: “The young man needs his place in the temple even more than his father and his grandfather, who are steadied by a life of experience; and the young girl just entering life, needs the spirit, influence and direction that come from participation in the temple ordinances.”¹ Sure, if you say so. Can you explain why it's so much more important to the younger generations? I'm not getting it. If the temple ordinances are essential for everyone, how can they be more important for anyone? Begin now to prepare your heart and mind to be able to fully receive and understand these blessings. You already said this...

Receiving the Fulness of the Gospel  

"Fulness of the Gospel" refers to repentance and baptism (see 3 Ne. 11:40). The Book of Mormon is said to contain the "fulness of the Gospel" and it makes no reference to a dramatized temple play about Adam and Eve. The Book of Mormon also says the Bible contains the "fulness of the Gospel" and the Bible also lacks a description of our current LDS temple endowment. Let's be honest and stop pretending that Christ's gospel includes all the Mormon temple weirdness.

If you will prepare yourself to enter the temple, you will be “ready to receive the fulness of [His] gospel” in the temple (D&C 35:12; emphasis added). That verse says nothing about the temple endowment. The temple is a place of power and blessing. The pull quote from above! Let's see if you explain either the power or the blessings... The Lord instructed the Prophet Joseph Smith and the early Saints to gather to Kirtland, Ohio, USA, where they would eventually build a temple. Damn, looks like you preferred to skip the explanation. Oh well. On to the Kirtland temple... Are you insinuating that it was used the same way as today's temples? I hope not. It was more like a stake center and storehouse, and you probably know that. “There you shall be endowed with power from on high” (D&C 38:32; emphasis added). This revelation was given in 1831. When was the endowment introduced? Over a decade later shortly after Joseph Smith had become a Freemason. It's safe to say that the endowment of power mentioned in D&C 38 has nothing to do with the Freemasonry ceremonies the LDS Church later co-opted.

At a recent temple open house, an Apostle gathered his family around the holy altar in a sealing room. He taught them that everything we do in the Church—classes, activities, programs, and meetings—prepares us to come to the temple altar to receive the sealing ordinance. That's so true. Unfortunately for Mormons Jesus never taught it. The temple represents the very essence of your Heavenly Father’s plan for your eternal happiness and progression. If only that plan made any sense.

Preparing to Make Covenants with God

Your preparation to enter the temple and make covenants doesn’t happen quickly. The minimum requirement for an adult convert is a year. That's not very long. It began with your baptism and the confirming gift of the Holy Ghost and then grows with prayer, scripture study, obedience, and service. Actually faith and baptism is really all Jesus ever asked for. If someone does everything you've listed, Jesus would be thrilled. It invites cleanliness weekly as you participate in the sacrament. Partaking of the Lord's supper was about participating in the community of Christians (the body of Christ), not about preparing to dawn a bunch of robes and pretend you're Adam or Eve. It happens as you learn to seek forgiveness through repentance, as you keep standards, and as you worthily carry a limited-use temple recommend. Yes, keeping your Jr. membership card certainly keeps your eye focused on becoming a gold member card carrier. Youth programs will help you, but your preparation is personal; you are developing your worthiness, your testimony, your conversion. How can teens have a testimony of something they've never heard about in their lives? Tell them, please, what happens in the temple! The Savior’s Atonement applies to you personally. Non sequitur.

As you increase your level of spiritual maturity, you will desire to prepare for and enter the temple. Don't confuse maturity for increased gullibility, deeper financial investment and fear of non-conformity, sir. There you will receive ordinances and make covenants, which are necessary steps to draw closer to your Heavenly Father. Which ordinances? Which covenants? Can't you spell them out? Why don't the New Testament and Book of Mormon mention anything besides baptism? Temple ordinances are “the most exalted … ordinances that have been revealed to mankind.”² You mean revealed to the Freemasons in the late Middle Ages and stolen by Joseph Smith in the 1840s.

As you receive temple ordinances, you make solemn covenants with your Father only one time for yourself, and then you will strive to abide by them throughout your life. Holy cow, you actually kind of said something informative!! Kids, according to Mormon doctrine, you only have to go through once! Each time you enter the temple, you can feel of His Spirit and receive additional revelation and understanding while providing the necessary ordinances for others. What if we don't feel the spirit at all, let alone receive revelation? As for "others", why are we doing the work for people who's names have already gone through the temple many times before? You will understand and receive assurance of your eternal existence and the unending power of your covenants. I didn't. The temple made me feel very unsure of everything and made covenants feel cheap. If we were not eternal beings, the temple would have no significance. You don't know we are eternal. No one does. You may hope and believe we are, but you don't know. If you or anyone else wishes to disagree, please present your evidence. You enter the temple and make covenants because you will exist eternally and want to be with your Heavenly Father and your family in “never-ending happiness” (Mosiah 2:41). Heavenly Father is such a loving dad, right? This assurance grows in your own soul and is confirmed by the Holy Ghost. Unless it doesn't and isn't. What do you have to say to people who made every effort to experience this and didn't?

Being Worthy

The role of the Holy Ghost is real. He teaches you, purifies you, and conveys the Father’s love (see Romans 5:5). Does he?The Holy Spirit of Promise is the ratifying power of the Holy Ghost, which validates each covenant eternally. How bureaucratic.

In order to receive the Spirit, you must enter the temple clean and pure, free from any unforgiven transgression. Or else what? Your endowment doesn't count? Name one case of an unworthy person's presence being detected. Please explain what happens to the children and grandchildren of a someone who was unworthy at his or her sealing. Do you have answers to these kinds of questions or are you just trying to scare kids into conformity? If the adversary could succeed in any way to overcome you, it would be to keep you from the temple or to entice you to go there unworthily. Satan's very scary like that. What would happen should he succeed? Does the temple cave in on you? Let's lower the stakes now. What happens to the sacrament, for example, when it's blessed by teenage hands that have masturbated only hours before?

For this reason, you will be invited to sit in a personal interview with your bishop or branch president, to consider your worthiness and readiness to receive a recommend to enter the temple. These interviews are the worst, even for kids who have nothing to confess. Not only that, they shouldn't be allowed. Parents, do not let your teens be interviewed alone behind closed doors! Be honest and trust him to help you. Why trust him? He has no professional training. How do we know he's not jerking off like the rest of us? In reality, you are determining your own standing before the Lord (see D&C 109:24). Are you sure you cited the right verse? Yes, it used the word "standing" but that doesn't mean it backs up your point, which wasn't a bad one, by the way. I think it makes a lot of sense to cut out the middle man and take things into your own hands. You will sign your own recommend first. You are witnessing your worthiness before the Lord. ³ No, it's to the bishop and the temple ushers. They say God can see your whole heart and mind, so he wouldn't need to watch you sign your name, would he?

To be worthy does not mean you are perfect yet. It means that your heart is right, that you are living the commandments, and that you desire to be better each day. So if we feel our heart is in the right place (I felt that way), we're living the commandments (I was), and we desire to improve day to day (I certainly did) we can skip the interview? Of course not. God still needs to watch us sign our name for some reason.

Learning from Symbols

In the temple, as in the scriptures, the Lord teaches using symbols. You can find many symbols in the scriptures, such as the rock, the seed, the fruit, the tree of life, and the bread and water of the sacrament (see, for example, 1 Nephi 11; Alma 32; Helaman 5:12). Baptism by immersion symbolizes new life, rebirth, and cleanliness (see Romans 6:3–5). In the temple we all wear white, symbolizing purity, holiness, light, and equality. Wow! You just taught an actual symbol from the temple! Oh wait, that whole white=purity/holiness thing is from baptism (and baby blessings). Nothing new here.

Some symbols in the temple are both physical and spiritual. For example, wearing the garment is a physical daily reminder of the temple covenants and the promised blessings. If respected and honored, the garment protects us from temptations and unrighteous influences. Does it? So it's like a magic Satan shield? Say we're about to steal something, for example, will we suddenly think of our uncomfortable underwear and remember what it means? Never mind, I have a more important question: How is this different from the Gift of the Holy Ghost that we get at confirmation? Isn't he supposed to be prompting us and keeping us from evil all the time? So why in the world do we need garments or an awful script if they're doing the exact same thing?

Each of the temple ordinances is symbolic. And also literal, though. I was physically anointed with oil, brother. A man said the words and touched my naked body. That's literal. I also literally wore some ridiculous clothes on top of my ridiculous garments and was taught about the true robes of the Priesthood and the false Priesthood robes of Satan. It's not just symbolism. “In a sacred ceremony, an individual may be washed and anointed,”⁴ reminiscent of the kings and priests of ancient Israel being prepared to take their positions (see 1 Samuel 10:1; 16:13). Yeah, but we're also literally being anointed to become kings and priests, queens and priestesses to the most high. That's literal, not symbolic. That's why these ordinances are essential, right? The instruction and covenants in the endowment signify being clothed or invested with additional power and promises from God (see Luke 24:49). Please take a few paragraphs to lay out what we covenant in the temple. Also, this verse has nothing to do with the LDS temple, don't pretend it does. It's dishonest. Perhaps the most beautiful symbol is the sealing ordinance, in which a couple is united in an unbreakable bond which can last through all eternity. So is there a real "unbreakable bond" or is it just symbolic? Most Mormons tend to think they really truly are literally going to be with their families forever when they get sealed.

The promises in the temple are rich and noble. What are they? You still haven't told us. They are the “great favors” and “great blessings” (3 Nephi 10:18) that our Father has reserved for you personally. So I read the verse and it seems like you're implying that we'll personally see Jesus if we go to the temple. Is that what you're saying. You're being extremely vague yet tantalizingly suggestive. So smile when you think of the temple. Smile because we love mystery?

No matter your age, do whatever is necessary to be ready to receive the greatest blessings your Father in Heaven offers to you. And you think that those blessings are found in the enactment of a 2-hour Freemason-inspired dress rehearsal for the Celestial Kingdom? That would be nutty. Oh yeah, how come you haven't mentioned Freemasonry yet?? Trust how it felt when you were a child and sang, “I love to see the temple. I’m going there someday. … I’ll prepare myself while I am young. This is my sacred duty.”⁵ I felt a lot of things while singing Primary songs. Usually I felt anxious to get home and eat. Later in life I felt uncomfortable hearing children sing those songs. They felt brainwashy, especially "I Love to See the Temple". It can be true for you. Kent, I'm sorry to say this, but you're a shitty salesman. :(

Why Do We Build Temples?

“We must gain some feeling for why we build temples, and why the ordinances are required of us. "Feeling", not understanding? Thereafter we are continually instructed and enlightened on matters of spiritual importance. Do we take classes or have deep discussions in the temple? No, no we do not. It comes line upon line, precept upon precept, until we gain a fullness of light and knowledge. You mean until we see Jesus in the flesh? No, you mean we sit in silence and go through the endowment a bunch of times until we think we have it all figured out. We make up all the addition lines and invent all of the new precepts for ourselves because no one sets us straight. We remain tight-lipped about it all (because it's sacred) and then we die. This becomes a great protection to us—to each of us personally. … What "fullness of light and knowledge" becomes a "great protection"? You haven't explained it, you just insist on it.

“… No work is more spiritually refining. Jesus would very much disagree with you. Try feeding the hungry, clothing the naked and caring for the sick. No work we do gives us more power. This means nothing to your reader because you haven't explained the "power" is or why we need more of it. No work requires a higher standard of righteousness. Not even parenthood? You can be a parent without being endowed.

“Our labors in the temple cover us with a shield and a protection. … More empty words. Please explain yourself.

“… If we will enter into our covenants without reservation or apology, the Lord will protect us. Considering the fact that we almost all enter the temple without any real knowledge of what we'll be doing there, I think it's safe to say that essentially everyone enters without reservation or apology. So what is the Lord protecting us from? We will receive inspiration sufficient for the challenges of life. … This is not true. I received no inspiration that was worth a damn in the temple. None. Maybe I'm the exception...

“So come to the temple—come and claim your blessings.” What blessings? You keep making promises without saying what those promises are.

Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple (booklet, 2002), 37.

Key Points

• In the temple you receive ordinances essential to your salvation. Only baptism is essential. Read your scriptures.
• You must enter the temple clean and pure, free from any unforgiven transgression. Or else what?
• As in the scriptures, many of the teachings and ordinances in the temple are symbolic, allowing you to learn more and more each time you return to the temple. What happens when you run out of symbols? Or when all the symbols mean the same thing? What about all the literal stuff? You didn't really discuss that. In fact, you didn't really discuss anything. This whole article was nothing more than smoke and mirrors. May God have mercy on your dishonest soul. 

The temple - re-enacting myth

Robert Segal's explanation of Mircea Eliade's approach to myth strikes me as particularly applicable to Mormons' motives for enacting the endowment ceremony.

To hear, to read, and especially to re-enact a myth is magically to return to the time when the myth took place, the time of the origin of whatever phenomenon it explains:

But since ritual recitation of the cosmogonic myth implies reactualization of that primordial event, it follows that he for whom it is recited is magically projected in illo tempore, into the 'beginning of the World'; he becomes contemporary with the cosmogony. (Eliade, The Sacred and the Profane, p. 82)

Playing Adam and Eve in the LDS temple.

... In returning one to primordial time, myth reunites one with the gods, for it is then when they are nearest, as the biblical case of 'the Lord God['s] walking in the garden in the cool of the day' typifies (Genesis 3.8) That 'reunion' reverses the post-Edenic separation from the gods and renews one spiritually:

What is involved is, in short, a return to the original time, the therapeutic purpose of which is to begin life once again, a symbolic rebirth. (Eliade, The Sacred and the Profane, p. 82)

The ultimate payoff of myth is experiential: encountering divinity. (From Myth: A Very Short Introduction, pp. 55-56)

Aaaaand... welcome to the Celestial Room!

Polygamy - empty explanations

In addition to God needing believing babies, the early saint's apparently needed learn some shit the hard way.

Church leaders taught that participants in plural marriages should seek to develop a generous spirit of unselfishness and the pure love of Christ for everyone involved. (See here.)

Why was polygamy the preferred didactic method for teaching "the pure love of Christ"? I have no clue. Back in Jesus' day his approach was telling people to give all they had to the poor and not judging and stuff like that. The Church seems to be suggesting that God doesn't really care or want us to understand his motives.

Like the participants, we “see through a glass, darkly” and are asked to walk by faith. (See here.)

The only real important thing is that we believe God will give us something for our efforts:

They believed it was a commandment of God at that time and that obedience would bring great blessings to them and their posterity. (See here.)

We view our current polygamous practices the same way.

[T]he Church permits a man whose wife has died to be sealed to another woman when he remarries. Moreover, members are permitted to perform ordinances on behalf of deceased men and women who married more than once on earth, sealing them to all of the spouses to whom they were legally married. The precise nature of these relationships in the next life is not known, and many family relationships will be sorted out in the life to come. (See here.)

In other words, we don't know what the fuck we're doing or why exactly we're doing it, but we trust it's from God and we trust that he'll sort all this shit out even though it's absolutely absurd. Considering all the sealing combinations we've tried out (and the probability that many of those sealed souls won't even make it to Celestial glory), it's safe to say the tapestry of eternal families we've woven will look something like this:

Keeping sealing, dear Saints, but whatever you do do not stop to consider the idea that Joseph Smith made this all up so he could take advantage of several women (and girls).

Book of Mormon - not much Mormonism

Another issue I had as I would make my way through The Book of Mormon for the umpteenth time was that there wasn't a whole lot in there that looked or felt like the Mormon Church I was a part of. I think the most Mormon parts came in Moroni when he gives us the sacrament prayers verbatim and when he denounces infant baptism. There's no talk of our Pre-Earth Life, the War in Heaven, the three kingdoms of glory, temple washing and anointings, the endowment, eternal marriages, eternal families, baptisms for the dead, Spirit Prison, children and teen males participation in worship services, the Aaronic Priesthood, the Melchizedek Priesthood, a Relief Society type organization, any discussion of female participation at all, bishops, youth leaders, etc.

The religion of The Book of Mormon better represented a day and age when any man feeling "called of God" could set to preachin' and declarin' repent'nce and baptism, and that was about all you needed. Commit to Jesus and walk in his ways, AMEN!

It made it hard to take seriously the claim that The Book of Mormon was written for our day.

They "prophesied concerning us and our future generations" (2 Ne. 4:2)... or did they?

The temple - the invitations to leave

At a couple of points in the endowment ceremony attendees are invited to leave if they do not feel comfortable or ready to make the covenants about to be presented. These invites really bothered me for a few reasons.

1. My first time through I deeply doubted whether I should go through with the covenants. Maybe I really wasn't worthy and they were calling me out. Maybe they were going to be really weird covenants that I would honestly not want to take on.

2. Later I realized that they were asking me to make a decision about something I knew nothing about. How is that fair? How could I have possibly known what was best for me when they hadn't yet explained what the stakes were?

3. The vast majority everyone going through the temple in any given session has already been through before and are going through vicariously for someone who has died. Why would a repeat attender ever back out? Frankly I can't see why they would. Is the spirit of the deceased ever going to prompt someone to back out of the endowment on its behalf? Probably not if it's there in the temple waiting to receive the ordinances. So who exactly would ever back out of the temple covenants besides kids in their late teens and early twenties going through for the first time?

4. Has anyone ever backed out? How could someone back out when you're surrounded by so many people who are choosing to stay, many of whom might be immediate and extended family, friends, and members of his or her congregation? The pressure to go through with the temple ordinances is tremendous. It's peer pressure with your eternal salvation on the line.

It struck me as a nefarious set up. While at the time I still rejected the term, I think the best way to describe the scenario is "cultish". 

No, no! It had to be holy. Shoot, it even says "Holiness to the LORD" out over the entrance to the temple! Doubt your doubts! The temple endowment's the best!

The temple - boredom

The discomfort I felt my first time through the temple didn't deter me from going again, instead it spurred me on. I knew the temple was holy and that I needed to get comfortable with the ways of the Lord. 

I expected the temple ordinances to slowly come into focus for me, but by about the third or fourth session I started falling asleep. The endowment, as it turns out, is simply boring. You do the same things every time and watch the same shitty movie (yes, there are/were a couple different versions) and it takes an hour and a half minimum. What shitty full length film would you like to sit through over and over? How badly do you want to go play Pat-a-cake with total strangers over and over. Go to the temple enough and it starts to feel like the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. 

A couple months into weekly attendance it was a miracle if I could keep awake through an entire session. I did get more comfortable with the clothing, hand gestures, bowing my head and saying yes to covenants, whispering formulas through a curtain, all of that. Maybe even too comfortable. It also became easier and easier to be critical and/or suspicious of the whole thing. 

But I still believed it wholeheartedly for years afterward. I told myself to focus more on the content, not the format. Something marvelous was right before my eyes, I just had to learn to see it.

The temple - baptisms for the dead

I had a doubt or two when I first did baptisms for the dead. I doubted I was worthy enough considering how much I thought about not thinking about how badly I wanted to see boobs, for example, but my main doubts came during or after the experience of being baptized "for and in behalf of" a deceased person. I had heard countless stories of people seeing the spirits of the dead hanging around waiting for you to get dunked only to scamper off like a puppy to play outside finally freed from Spirit Prison. Other's had said that you would maybe just feel the presence of the spirits, or maybe just the joy of relief that the spirits were feeling as they witnessed and accepted their baptism. Then again, maybe all you'd feel is the Joy of the Holy Ghost witnessing to you the truthfulness of "the work". I didn't feel any of it. 

So how did I feel? I felt worried that a temple worker would discern through the Spirit that I was unworthy to be there because I wanted to see boobs. I felt uncomfortable about my wet clothes clinging too tightly to my crotch and revealing my white Hanes briefs. I felt weird about the being essentially alone in a room with two men I didn't know as they conferred the Gift of the Holy Ghost on me on behalf of the people I had been baptized for. It wasn't a very spiritual experience for me (nor would it ever be despite fasting and praying and preparing each time I went), and I wasn't anxious to go back and do it again.

Despite all of that discomfort and doubt, I stuck it out for years. I went back various times throughout my teenage years to be baptized and confirmed for the dead. I doubted my doubts, but that didn't improve anything for me.

Redeeming the dead

So now on to my first Mormon-specific doubt that comes to mind. Baptisms for the dead. On the one hand it only makes sense that God should provide a way for people who never ever had a chance to hear of Jesus to get a shot at accepting the Straight and Narrow via baptism, on the other hand it was recognizably insane even in my pre-teen brain. 

(What's a 9-year-old girl doing in the temple? And what's with the yellow dress?)

The thought of having to perform baptisms for every person who has lived since the ministry of Christ gets increasingly complicated when you consider things like the sheer number of people who have lived in the time spanning the Resurrection to today - only the smallest fraction of a percentage of which were baptized "by authority" - and the fact that no recording of names was ever made for the vast majority of those people. Even if some record had been made of a birth, a death, a marriage, a purchase, or anything else, chances are it doesn't exist anywhere. 

The way it was told me, the Mormon solution to the billions of forgotten and unresearchable names of the dead calls for the assistance of angels who will, I guess, whisper entire, unending genealogies to temple workers during the Millennium. Angels always get their facts straight so there won't be anything to worry about, right? Well, maybe. I didn't find it very convincing myself, but I doubted my logic and found faith in faith.