Exorcisms

The first miracle of Joseph Smith's new church was an exorcism. Now not all latter-day saints know what to make of exorcisms, but it's definitely a recognized practice in the New Testament, The Book of Mormon and elsewhere.

If you've heard the story of how Joseph cast a devil out of Newel Knight, there's a good chance it sounded pretty straight forward. The LDS Church, as it just so happens, likes to present its history in a clean, easy to swallow format fit for children - even if its for adults.

I, however, suggest we look at a more complete version of this miraculous exorcism as described by Dan Vogel, who takes into account a number of witness testimonies (emphasis mine).

"... when [Joseph] Smith asked him to pray, Newel begged to be excused. Like his father, he may have considered prayer to be a private matter and found his first attempt at public prayer embarrassing and difficult. Despite Smith's encouragement, Knight insisted on delaying his vocal prayer until morning when he could go into the woods.

"The next day, Knight attempted several times to pray vocally but experienced great difficulty. He began to feel a flood of emotion: anxiety, guilt, confusion, and finally panic. By the time he returned to his house, 'his appearance was such as to alarm his wife very much.' A desperate Newel anxiously asked his wife to bring Smith to him. 'I went and found him suffering very much in his mind,' Smith recalled, 'and his body acted upon in a most strange manner. His visage and limbs [were] distorted and twisted into every possible shape and appearances, and finally he was caught up off the floor of the apartment and tossed about most fearfully.' ...

"... Knight was unable to speak during his convulsions, for Smith reports that when he took hold of Knight's hand, 'almost immediately he was able to speak.'
"... Newel earnestly requested Joseph to cast the devil out of him. In front of eight or nine people who had gathered to witness the scene, Joseph said, 'If you know that I can, it shall be done.' Then Joseph rebuked the devil, commanding it 'in the name of Jesus Christ' to depart from Newell, upon which the latter 'saw the Devil leave him and vanish from his sight.'

Newel recalls levitating at this point:

"I felt myself attracted upward and remained for some time enwrapped in contemplation insomuch that I know not what was going on in the room. By and by I felt some weight pressing upon my shoulder and the side of my head; which served to recall me to a sense of my situation, and I found that the Spirit of the Lord had actually caught me up off the floor, and that my shoulder and head were pressing against the beams."

"... When Smith is brought to trial in South Bainbridge and Colesville in July 1830, Knight testifies that Smith had cast the devil out of him, but is evasive when asked to describe what the devil looked like. ... Apparently, he was less evasive in his home town, for Joel K. Noble, who presided over the trial in Colesville, remembered that Knight 'swore in open court [that] Jo. Smith cast a devil out of him ... and said how [the] devil looked. Said devil was a body of light..."

 "So I just cast it the fuck out right then and there! Easy!"

"... others remembered that Knight gave additional details. In the earliest account of the incident, [Martin] Harris said to Abner Cole in June 1830 that the devil, whom Smith had cast out of Newel, was of 'an uncommon size.' According to a later source, Joseph Knight Sr. and Josiah Stowell testified that they had seen the devil as well. Once testified that he saw 'a devil as large as a woodchuck leave the man and run across the floor,' while the other said he saw the devil leave the possessed and 'run off like a yellow dog.' neither witness said that Knight specifically described the devil's appearance, only that he had given an approximation of its size. This was confirmed by William R. Hine, a resident of Colesville, who said that Knight's testimony before Justice Noble was that 'Smith had cast three devils out of him. ... The first was as large as a woodchuck, the second was large as a squirrel, the third about the size of a rat.' When the judge asked what became of them, 'Knight said that they went out at the chimney.'" Dan Vogel, Joseph Smith: The Making of a Prophet, pp. 496-98.

Demon woodchucks and their pals? I fucking hate them. Floating on the ceiling in ecstasy? Fucking love it. Thoughts on whether this miracle is legit? I think I'll go eat some ice cream.

God and our moral sense

If God exists and has the power to intervene in nature, and on occasion apparently uses that power, they [critics of religion] ask, why does God fail to intervene in so many other cases of horrific injustice, cruelty, and suffering? Why, for example, did God allow Agatha to be tortured, abused, and mutilated before miraculously healing her through a vision of St Peter? Why would god allow some to be killed by volcanic eruptions and plagues, while bestowing special protection on the inhabitants of Catania? Why, in any case, does God need to use the powers of an object such as St Agatha's veil to achieve this protection, rather than acting directly to prevent the eruption or the disease in the first place? More generally, why is one person miraculously cured while another of equal faith and virtue suffers and dies? We might say that God moves in a mysterious way - which certainly seems to have been the case if we are to believe the many religious tales of wonders and miracles through the ages - but is that a good enough response? If God created us and our moral sense, then why do God's own ways of acting in the world seem to us not to meet our own standards of what is just and good?

Thomas Dixon Science and Religion: A Very Short Introduction, pg. 56.

Poor theologians!

Pity the poor theologians! They are faced with a seemingly impossible dilemma when it comes to making sense of divine action in the world. If they affirm that God does act through miraculous interventions in nature, then they must explain why God acts on these occasions but not on numerous others; why miracles are so poorly attested; and how they are supposed to be compatible with our scientific understanding of the universe. On the other hand, if they deny that God acts through special miraculous interventions, then they are left with a faith which seems to be little more than Deism - the belief that God created the universe but is no longer active within it. If God is real, should we not expect to be able to discern at least some special divine acts? The theologian seems to have to choose between a capricious, wonder-working, tinkering God and an absent, uninterested, undetectable one. Neither sounds like a suitable object for love and worship.

Thomas Dixon Science and Religion: A Very Short Introduction, pg. 41.

Thomas Paine speaks the truth

 “Is it more probable that nature should go out of her course or that a man should tell a lie? We have never seen, in our time, nature go out of her course. But we have good reason to believe that millions of lies have been told in the same time. It is therefore at least millions to one that the reporter of a miracle tells a lie.”  

The Age of Reason

Christmas confusion: the star

Mormons believe that there really, truly was a star that appeared at Jesus' birth. They believe this partly because the Gospel of Matthew mentions some astrologers reading his sign in the sky but also because The Book of Mormon treats the star as a real thing.

It all starts out with the sun going down and "great lights in heaven" (Helaman 14:3) keeping things as bright as day. Then we get the Star of Bethlehem showing up sometime later.

The story makes wonderful sense until you stop to think about it. Why does the Bible not mention a night as bright as day? Were the "great lights" Samuel the Lamanite spoke of, like, angels acting as nightlights or something? Third Nephi doesn't say. Why would Herod's astrologers be the only assholes able to see and understand the significance of a mega-bright star showing up in the sky? Why should we believe that star-reading, horoscoping assholes had any valuable insight about the future at all, ever? Why would said astronomers need a star to travel ten miles down the road, anyway? Why doesn't Samuel the Lamanite give any instructions on how to read the "many signs and wonders in heaven" (Helaman 14:6)? Is a new savior being born every time a supernova pops or a meteor shower hits? Does God really relay messages of truth through the stars? If so, it would seem that modern-day astronomers and modern-day prophets are both having a hell of a time making heads or tails of what God's trying to tell us via astroscript.

What if it's all just a fun story? What if The Book of Mormon is just another fun story based off of a fun story or two?

Tom Monson criticized

The first teachings that come to mind when I reflect on the messages of the current LDS prophet, Thomas Monson, have to do with being present in others' times of need and carefully attending to the duties of service. I don't find much fault in any of that. I think it would be wonderful if we all tried to pay more attention to others and offer whatever assistance we are capable of.

But Tommy's also said plenty of bullshit. Here's an example that fits nicely within the general scope of this blog:

Remember that faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other.

Should doubt knock at your doorway, just say to those skeptical, disturbing, rebellious thoughts: “I propose to stay with my faith, with the faith of my people. I know that happiness and contentment are there, and I forbid you, agnostic, doubting thoughts, to destroy the house of my faith. I acknowledge that I do not understand the processes of creation, but I accept the fact of it. I grant that I cannot explain the miracles of the Bible, and I do not attempt to do so, but I accept God’s word. I wasn’t with Joseph, but I believe him. My faith did not come to me through science, and I will not permit so-called science to destroy it.”

May you ever frame your life with faith.

Did you catch all of that? The appeal to tribalism? The denigration of agnosticism? The plea to stop thinking critically about natural history, scripture and Church history? The encouraged distrust in science? This is God's message to us today? This is what he wants to tell the world? Not a fucking chance.

Take the time to doubt brother Tommy, dear brothers and sisters, if only for a day or two.

Sun miracles

God's awesomest miracles happen in the sky. According to scripture the Sun, err... Shinehah miraculously did not set because Joshua prayed that it wouldn't. That's pretty amazing. We all know that the setting sun is really just the Sun fading from our view as the earth spins away from facing it, so saying the Sun stood still actually means the earth stopped spinning, and we know that if the earth were to suddenly stop spinning (coming to a halt in less than 24 hours is extremely sudden for a massive object like the earth to stop spinning at it usual speed of 1038 mi/hr along the equator if you're American or 2670 km/hr if you're not) anything that isn't bedrock would keep spinning around. think about what would happens inside a snowglobe when you stop shaking it - the internal atmosphere keeps shaking and splashing around for a while. We're talking about massive tsunamis and land upheavals that would trash the world worse than the Flood. And yet the holy word of God cannot be wrong! (For anyone tempted to play the "symbolic language" card, please explain how a symbolic reading is supposed to fit the context of this miracle.)

"C'mon, God! Please? We're not done killing people yet."

Then there was that time in 3 Nephi when the Sun set but it was still as bright as noon day. The star of Bethlehem hadn't even shown up yet to help illuminate the earth and some how no darkness fell at all that night. Amazing! What on earth or in heaven could equal the brightness of another star that's only 8 light minutes away from the earth? Don't worry about the science, just believe.

Plains Indians go to Mesoamerica to venerate the cross with the Nephites.

The literal gathering

One of the most miraculous aspects of the literal gathering of Israel in these latter-days is that it's all done via adoption. I have no idea how adoption into the tribe of Ephraim can be called a literal gathering of people descended from the Northern Kingdom. I mean, if you're not a literal, blood descendent with Hewbrew DNA and you don't even know anyone who is literally descended from the Israelite tribe in question, how can you literally be gathering that tribe by self-appointing yourself a member of that tribe? It's literally got me all mixed up.

Right in the head

As in the case of acceptance toward homosexuality, Mormons are coming around when it comes to mental illness. Once upon a time illnesses such as depression were downplayed and sufferers were expected to find comfort and healing in Jesus. Now we have an apostle speaking more openly about severe depression, but his advice to seek out qualified professionals only comes after his advice to:

"Never, ever doubt that ['God’s love is there for you'], and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles."

But even then, seeking professional help is warrented only "[i]f things continue to be debilitating".

Alright, so the Church is still way behind the curve on this one. It almost makes you wonder, has the Church ever been ahead of the times?

The mustard seed

It is written that faith the size of a mustard seed is sufficient to do some pretty kick-ass stuff.

"And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you." (Luke 17:6)

"And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."  (Matthew 17:20)

"And Alma and Amulek came forth out of the prison, and they were not hurt; for the Lord had granted unto them power, according to their faith which was in Christ. And they straightway came forth out of the prison; and they were loosed from their bands; and the prison had fallen to the earth, and every soul within the walls thereof, save it were Alma and Amulek, was slain; and they straightway came forth into the city." (Alma 14:28)

Even my faith was at least the size of a mustard seed (I actually like to think it was much bigger), but I was never able to work a miracle of any discernible magnitude.

The truth is I've never heard of any of this kind of thing happening in real life - only in scriptures and fantasy novels - and I think the Mormon Church (and other churches) have more than a few adherents who are sure "beyond a shadow of a doubt" of their beliefs. They have the faith, so where are the miracles?

I have to doubt these words of Jesus because they simply haven't proven to be true in the slightest. It seems instead that if you have faith the size of a mountain you'll be grateful for every little mustard seed of hope you come across.

Miracles - out miracled

 It's hard not to wonder where God is in your life when everyone else seems to have really awesome miracle stories and your church's just kind of suck. I met a man once who had a dream of two skyscrapers covered in fireballs a mere two days before 9/11. Admittedly the guy didn't know what the dream "meant", but why the hell didn't our true prophet Gordon have that dream so one of his sidekicks could interpret it? Then there was a guy who saw God and got his symbol (apparently a phoenix or a peacock) tattooed on his back. Not even our highest priests hanging out in the Holies of Holies discussing who doesn't get the Priesthood next dare say they saw something as miniscule as the imprint in the carpet from Jesus' feet. Buddhists have found Buddha's permanently impressed in rocks!

We've got nothing. We have lost car keys showing up. We have avoided accidents. We manage to find our soul mates from the Pre-Existence. We like to think we get weather on demand. We get well-blessed food. We maybe have really weird old women bearing testimony about feeling the presence of a ghost in the temple. We don't have many healings. It's all pretty meh.

God, at least send us some seagulls to save save our picnics from ants and yellow jackets. We're just not impressing anyone these days.

Miracles - the "fruits" of other religions

One thing about asking people outside of Mormonism about their spiritual experiences is that you end up hearing about a lot of spiritual experiences that can't take credit for and can't incorporate. I ran into this frequently on my mission. I would try to establish an understanding of someone's spirituality only to find they had stories of blessings and miracles and visions and visitations and practices that I would then have to work with in my attempt to explain how the more Mormon-like parts were integral to the Mormon god's plan for them and how the crazy parts (read "non-Mormon-like) were maybe less significant than they thought. That's what you do, right? You find the common ground and build on it.

"She totally would have died had we not been there... and had she not received medical treatment."

My doubts came about because I knew my approach wasn't honest. I wasn't letting these people own their personal, family, and faith tradition's miracles they way I expected them to believe and respect mine. Was what I was doing ethical? It felt more manipulative than anything.

"I should be dead right now, but I was protected!"

Another doubt soon followed. Why were all of the miracles and answers to prayers I was hearing about so familiar to things like the First Vision story, any number of personal conversion stories, and Mormon healing stories? Why weren't they experiencing stupors of thought instead of enlightenment? Why were they being healed through priestcraft instead of the Priesthood? Why were they seeing heavenly beings when they weren't even praying to God the Father in the name of Jesus Christ? How were they getting clear messages from beyond the veil that were leading them to incredibly un-Mormon-like beliefs?

"He came from beyond and spoke to me..."

It was as though they were working from the same narrative template as we Mormons, but only to confirm the efficacy of non-Mormon beliefs. Could we all - Mormons and non-Mormons alike - be making this crap up? Are we all delusional? Are we all simply finding ways to confirm what we want to believe? I had to wonder. Were my stories any more credible or convincing than theirs?

"My guy has powers. You gotta check him out!"

Things only got weirder when people would pray about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon, receive an answer that it was true only to incorporate Joe and his book as part of their belief system instead of abandoning their incomplete knowledge and embracing Mormonism fully. What do you do when they pull the rug out from under you by ignoring what the answer to a prayer about the Book of Mormon is supposed to mean?

Miracles - "modern-day miracles"

 
I couldn't help but cringe every time a "modern-day miracle" was announced. Over one-hundred operating temples throughout the world! A million members in Mexico! The inactivity rate hitting 75%! Hooray! The Work is true, the Work is true!

Modern-day miracles not only sucked in comparison to scriptural and early saint miracles because they were the were boring (no dead raised? no seas parted? fire from the sky to burn an offering? no blind healed? no angels from beyond the Veil? damn.), they were disturbing because they were all so corporate-feeling and un-Christ-like. Modern-day miracles are all about the Church's growth though hidden under the guise of "making blessing available".

Think of all the modern-day miracles Apple has had over the past years. I'm starting to think Apple is probably an even truer church than Jesus Christ's.

The temple - boredom

The discomfort I felt my first time through the temple didn't deter me from going again, instead it spurred me on. I knew the temple was holy and that I needed to get comfortable with the ways of the Lord. 

I expected the temple ordinances to slowly come into focus for me, but by about the third or fourth session I started falling asleep. The endowment, as it turns out, is simply boring. You do the same things every time and watch the same shitty movie (yes, there are/were a couple different versions) and it takes an hour and a half minimum. What shitty full length film would you like to sit through over and over? How badly do you want to go play Pat-a-cake with total strangers over and over. Go to the temple enough and it starts to feel like the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. 

A couple months into weekly attendance it was a miracle if I could keep awake through an entire session. I did get more comfortable with the clothing, hand gestures, bowing my head and saying yes to covenants, whispering formulas through a curtain, all of that. Maybe even too comfortable. It also became easier and easier to be critical and/or suspicious of the whole thing. 

But I still believed it wholeheartedly for years afterward. I told myself to focus more on the content, not the format. Something marvelous was right before my eyes, I just had to learn to see it.