Smooth operator

Folks living in the Middle East and the Mediterranean are lucky sons of guns! They're blessed enough to live where olives have historically been cultivated and spread. Why does that matter? It matters because olive oil is the awesomest!

It's a magic healing elixir, folks. When consecrated by the power of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood, it has amazing healing powers.

It transforms people into priests.

It turns you into royalty.

It made Jesus the Oily One way awesomer than all the other Jesuses. (I guess there were olives in the Pre-Existence.)

It guarantees Celestial glory.

And it's edible.

The point is this olive oil is very cool stuff when backed up by the proper magic which is why Mormon men tend to be locked and loaded at all times.

Keep your barrels well oil, brethren.

Right in the head

As in the case of acceptance toward homosexuality, Mormons are coming around when it comes to mental illness. Once upon a time illnesses such as depression were downplayed and sufferers were expected to find comfort and healing in Jesus. Now we have an apostle speaking more openly about severe depression, but his advice to seek out qualified professionals only comes after his advice to:

"Never, ever doubt that ['God’s love is there for you'], and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles."

But even then, seeking professional help is warrented only "[i]f things continue to be debilitating".

Alright, so the Church is still way behind the curve on this one. It almost makes you wonder, has the Church ever been ahead of the times?

Miracles - out miracled

 It's hard not to wonder where God is in your life when everyone else seems to have really awesome miracle stories and your church's just kind of suck. I met a man once who had a dream of two skyscrapers covered in fireballs a mere two days before 9/11. Admittedly the guy didn't know what the dream "meant", but why the hell didn't our true prophet Gordon have that dream so one of his sidekicks could interpret it? Then there was a guy who saw God and got his symbol (apparently a phoenix or a peacock) tattooed on his back. Not even our highest priests hanging out in the Holies of Holies discussing who doesn't get the Priesthood next dare say they saw something as miniscule as the imprint in the carpet from Jesus' feet. Buddhists have found Buddha's permanently impressed in rocks!

We've got nothing. We have lost car keys showing up. We have avoided accidents. We manage to find our soul mates from the Pre-Existence. We like to think we get weather on demand. We get well-blessed food. We maybe have really weird old women bearing testimony about feeling the presence of a ghost in the temple. We don't have many healings. It's all pretty meh.

God, at least send us some seagulls to save save our picnics from ants and yellow jackets. We're just not impressing anyone these days.

Miracles - the "fruits" of other religions

One thing about asking people outside of Mormonism about their spiritual experiences is that you end up hearing about a lot of spiritual experiences that can't take credit for and can't incorporate. I ran into this frequently on my mission. I would try to establish an understanding of someone's spirituality only to find they had stories of blessings and miracles and visions and visitations and practices that I would then have to work with in my attempt to explain how the more Mormon-like parts were integral to the Mormon god's plan for them and how the crazy parts (read "non-Mormon-like) were maybe less significant than they thought. That's what you do, right? You find the common ground and build on it.

"She totally would have died had we not been there... and had she not received medical treatment."

My doubts came about because I knew my approach wasn't honest. I wasn't letting these people own their personal, family, and faith tradition's miracles they way I expected them to believe and respect mine. Was what I was doing ethical? It felt more manipulative than anything.

"I should be dead right now, but I was protected!"

Another doubt soon followed. Why were all of the miracles and answers to prayers I was hearing about so familiar to things like the First Vision story, any number of personal conversion stories, and Mormon healing stories? Why weren't they experiencing stupors of thought instead of enlightenment? Why were they being healed through priestcraft instead of the Priesthood? Why were they seeing heavenly beings when they weren't even praying to God the Father in the name of Jesus Christ? How were they getting clear messages from beyond the veil that were leading them to incredibly un-Mormon-like beliefs?

"He came from beyond and spoke to me..."

It was as though they were working from the same narrative template as we Mormons, but only to confirm the efficacy of non-Mormon beliefs. Could we all - Mormons and non-Mormons alike - be making this crap up? Are we all delusional? Are we all simply finding ways to confirm what we want to believe? I had to wonder. Were my stories any more credible or convincing than theirs?

"My guy has powers. You gotta check him out!"

Things only got weirder when people would pray about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon, receive an answer that it was true only to incorporate Joe and his book as part of their belief system instead of abandoning their incomplete knowledge and embracing Mormonism fully. What do you do when they pull the rug out from under you by ignoring what the answer to a prayer about the Book of Mormon is supposed to mean?