Heavenly fatherliness #25 - Encouraging family members

According to popular belief, a good father encourages family members.

Does Heavenly Father do this? Does he encourage us? If you're like me, you were told that God is always pleading with us to live a righteous and holy life, and doesn't that sound a hell of a lot like encouragement? And think about all of his prophets who talk to us all the time at General Conference. They encourage the shit out of us!

The thing is that God's encouragement comes via a long list of appeals that any logical person would throw out as irrelevant to righteousness and holiness. He appeals to his authority (he's The Great I Am), to bad consequences (you'll be miserable if you think and do differently), to force (he will destroy us if we disobey or are found unclean), and appeals to wealth (you'll have treasures untold in Heaven, maybe even a harem!). Even should any of these appeals prove true, they do not make God an especially good motivator, just more of a manipulator.

Then again, God's not interested in teaching his children to think. God wants obedience above all - above service and kindness and tolerance. Ignorant faith and blind obedience are worth more than thoughtful disillusionment and disaffection. That sounds like an Asshole Father to me.

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father.

Helen Mar Kimball (Smith) Whitney - wife #27

Helen Kimball (August 22, 1828 - November 13, 1896) was the daughter of Heber Kimball, perhaps biggest horse's dick of all the early Mormon polygamists. Heber was so fucking classy he decided it was a great idea to hand fourteen-year-old Helen - his only daughter - over to Joseph Smith as a wife. Fourteen years old! Then again, Heber would have done anything to be eternally close to Joseph. Even Helen saw that her dad was obsessed enough with being sealed to Joseph Smith and saw herself as a spotless offering on her father's behalf. (Heber stayed obsessed by the desire to be sealed to Joseph to the day he died when on his death bed he asked his wife Sarah, who was sealed to Joseph, to intercede on his behalf.)

Helen was three when her parents joined the Church. They moved to Kirtland, where Heber was ordained an apostle, in 1835. They eventually moved to Nauvoo, where they settled near the temple lot.

Heber, not Joseph, was the one to approach Helen about polygamy. He gave her 24 hours to think things over. Helen was repulsed by the idea, as was her mother, Vilate Murray, who had seen how challenging plural marriage was for other women. But this was all about Heber's salvation. Helen agreed to do it and Vilate sorrowfully consented.

Helen was Joseph's fourth teen bride in a row in less than a month. So many virgins! Yay!

I'm not sure who the hell decides to marry his friend's fourteen year old. I actually doubt it was Joseph's idea; I think it was Heber's. I also think Joseph should have told Heber to cool his fucking jets and at least give it a few more years. I don't know if Joseph slept with a Helen, but I also can't see why he wouldn't. Either way, the marriage changed Helen's life significantly. She was no longer allowed to be a young girl and enjoy her previous social life. She absolutely hated polygamy.

No dancing for you, young Mrs.!

Almost two years after Joseph was killed at Carthage jail Helen married Horace Whitney (pictured above). Helen was still sealed (in fact, resealed at the time of her marriage to Horace) to Joseph, and Horace was sealed to Elizabeth Sykes, who was dead. They had eleven children: Helen, William, Horace, Vilate, Orson, Elizabeth, Genevieve, Helen (again), Charles, Florence, Phebe.

I wonder what their eternal family will look like. Will Helen and Joseph get the kids? Will Helen and Horace? Will Horace and Elizabeth? Will they all just share? Why don't these sealings resemble our sealings today?

Not surprisingly, Helen came around to polygamy. In her later years she became an advocate for it. She died in Salt Lake City.

Lucinda Pendleton Morgan Harris (Smith) - wife #3

Lucinda Harris and her husband George joined the LDS Church in 1834 and moved to Missouri four years later. Joseph and Emma also moved to Missouri that same year and were taken in by George for a couple of months. Joseph secretly married Lucinda (a few years Joseph's senior) before being pushed from Missouri to Nauvoo, Illinios.

Lucinda continued living with George, who might not have even been aware of Lucinda's marriage to Joseph. Emma probably didn't know about it either.

Or maybe they did. Joseph reserved a lot for the Harrises across the street from him in Nauvoo, George wanted to see the Nauvoo Expositor press destroyed, and when he died Lucinda was crying hard at the head of the casket. Joseph clearly wanted the Harrises close by, George might have wanted to hide his wife's polygamy, and Lucinda's position at the Joseph's casket could indicate that Emma accepted her as a sister wife. Who can say for sure? It might have been an 1830s open but secret marriage.

What is certain is that this marriage was in violation of the rules of taking plural wives. Lucinda was certainly not a virgin and she never had a child with Joseph. So how did they justify it?

Lucinda divorced George around 1853 and eventually became a Catholic nun.

Here is the Feminist Mormon Housewives Podcast episode about her. 

Them there's the rules!

Unlike in other books of scripture, The Doctrine & Covenants contains a very precise explanation of how to properly engage in divinely sanctioned polygyny.

1. Women who are sealed to other men are disqualified because that would be polyandry. (D&C 132:41)
2. The bride to be must be a virgin and
3. you have to ask your current wife or wives for permission. (D&C 132:61)
4. If the wife says no, she's a sinner and the husband is exempt from practicing polygamy. (D&C 132:65)
5. You have to have babies. (D&C 132:63)

The key concept to understand here is that once a woman has sex with a man, she belongs to that man.

"And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified." (D&C 132:62)

Virginity is not a gift that keeps on giving - it's a one time trade - , but as long as you can pile on the virgins you're good. Thus sayeth the Lord.