New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year to all! It's a great time to remember that all we have is the present. So let's focus on a few things we should be doing to make the most of life.

1. Develop and show more empathy.
Nothing will make human existence better faster than trying to sincerely understand what others are going through. Empathy pacifies and unifies. We're all safer and happier with empathy.

2. Show more gratitude.
Gratitude requires a dose of humility. You have to slough off the notion that you earned and deserve everything you have and instead recognize the roll others have played and play in your life. Life gets better with gratitude.

3. Keep your nose out for bullshit.
A sucker is born every minute. Bullshitters are born every few seconds. We're all prone to make shit up and pass it off on others, but we can curb that tendency. Question others and question yourself. What you've been told is gospel truth very well may not be. What you tell yourself is true might very well be false. Keep an eye on the rhetoric people use to convince you one way or another. Take the time to engage with serious research. Some rational skepticism can go a long way in keeping the bullshit away.

4. Have some fun.
Life is short. Moments are fleeting. Have a laugh.

Central to the Church

Members of the LDS Church feel a certain pride stating that the temple is central to their worship or that it's the focus of their worship. The idea is that the temple is without a doubt what Mormonism is all about. It's the cream of the crop. The delicious white fruit from Lehi's dream. It's our end goal as mortal beings. 

White, delightsome and ready for baptism or whatever.

The funny thing is that it's nowhere near as central as your meeting house. Have you ever considered how odd it is that you're supposed to go to church every Sunday without fail in order to partake of the sacrament, but how you only have to get to the temple to take out your endowment once? Doesn't that suggest that the baptismal covenants are more greatly emphasized in deed if not in word?

This happens in front of all your LDS neighbors. Who knows 

who you'll recognize in the temple.

Consider the fact that Sunday worship is not at all casual. You have a specific day of the week designated for you by the Lord Jehovah himself and a precise time you must come and worship. Your attendance is recorded. They're literally counting you in sacrament meeting and you sign rolls in your other Sunday meetings. Sunday is not to be taken lightly at all. Don't mow your lawn. Don't confess to watching professional sports. You have to keep Sunday "holy".

 Because 3 hrs of this in one day isn't enough.

Contrast Sunday worship to days of temple worship. You can go whenever it's convenient during the temple's hours of operation (just check the schedule if you want to do an endowment session). You can choose your activity: baptisms and confirmations, washings and anointings, an endowment or sealings. You can go right after work if that's convenient, you can play sports afterward, you can go to the movies or play your favorite violent video game. There are no restrictions on your day whatsoever. The impression I get is that the temple is very much extracurricular for members.

"We're going to the mall for burgers and ice cream after this! Yay!"

You can argue that going to the temple is essential for salvation. That's what the Church tells us, anyway. But if it is, you only have to go one for yourself. That will fill your quota. Not so with baptism. After you're baptized you have to take the sacrament every week and make the same covenant with God over and over.

What do you think? Both are said to be essential but which is more central, baptism and the sacrament or temple worship? Doubters like me can rarely tell.

Exclusively for singles

I always hated singles wards. To me they felt as though a couple of grandparents got together for a chat, realized that they all had grandchildren who were single and possibly having a hard time dating, and decided to find a way to coral all these grandchildren together in good faith that all penises would eventually meet a vagina. Seriously, get enough young single adults together in a chapel bumping into each other and sooner or later they'll want to move things to the bedroom. It's a foolproof plan. And naturally (because they're all such wonderful kids) they'll make sure to stop by the temple for a quick sealing before they run off and make babies.

These singles wards are a real hit. The kids are so bonkers about the whole thing that they even organize gigantic summer vacations together so they can have more opportunities to bump into each other, only this time without being dressed for church. It's like EFY only better.

The only problem is that Mormons aren't marrying as early as they used to (but probably not because they don't want to) which means a lot of the penises finding vaginas are doing so out of wedlock. And that's very bad.

In effort to catch people at the new marrying age, the Church has created some very popular singles wards for people over 30. How's it all working out?, you might ask. Not great. The problem: the men. They're not hanging around. Instead they're flocking to their computers to play games and jerk off.

The plus side to all of this is that now those few older men who are hanging around can go back to marrying a handful of lovely young maidens. Polygamy, your time for open practice has returned!

Heavenly fatherliness #43 - Having fun

According to popular wisdom, a good father knows how to have fun with his children.

It's hard to believe that a Guy who forbids loud laughter really knows how to have a rollicking good time. When was the last time you had a fun time with God? Are you sure God was there or was it just you and some people you care about talking a bit about God? What's the funniest joke God's told you? How long did it take you to get the punchline? What's the best game you two have played together? Did you win or did he? Do you guys, like, totally hit it off?

I doubt you have real answers to these questions. I find the very idea of God having fun laughable at best.

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father.