Monday, January 13, 2014

Mormon house tour

Here we are...

Welcome to our home! We're so excited to share with you the ways in which we've made our house a haven of love and spiritual devotion! Come on in!

So we've recently repainted! Everything used to be off white but, as you can tell, the light greenish gray thing going on really matches the stucco exterior of the home so much better! Please also note the adorable "HOME" decoration that let's everybody know that this is friendly place where all can feel comfortable and loved! And on the opposite side of the entry way we have the true head of the household, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

We hang His picture here so everyone knows the second they come in and as they're on their way out that our Savior not only lives and loves us, but He's also an integral part of our family! He's literally our oldest brother! We would be nothing with out Him and His eternal sacrifice that allows us to be together forever in the eternities! And now for the rest of us! (He he he!)

As you can see we kind of agreed on a family uniform of sorts because it's so ridiculously cute! And also because all of our neighbors do this sort of thing for their family photos! And also to remind everyone who comes in that some of us have penises and are responsible for providing while others of us have vaginas and should be staying home with children! It's all part of our Heavenly Father's amazing Plan of Happiness!

Oh my gosh, you haven't heard of the Plan of Happiness?? It's so amazing and so beautiful and totally proof that Heavenly Father loves us so much! It's all about the family! Basically God will let families be together forever if the husband and wife are sealed (just a fancy way of saying "married"!) in the temple! Our prophet and apostles a few years ago (okay, like almost 20 years ago!) wrote down this incredibly inspired explanation of what a family is and what it should do! It basically says that we were all spiritual penises and vaginas before we ever gained a body (by being born!) and that we all need to be heterosexual and perform within the so called "traditional" gender roles of 1950s America! It's so cool and so true!

But anyway, this is where it all happens! This is the temple! (Well really it's just the most famous of like, I don't know, probably hundreds of Mormon temples across the entire planet!) This is where a young breeding couple goes to be sealed! Going to the temple is so sacred and so important that we never completely explain to our children what goes on inside, but we do like to hang pictures of temples, like this one, all over the house!

Our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson said it's the right thing to do because another prophet said so. "To you parents of young children, may I share with you some sage advice from President Spencer W. Kimball. Said he: 'It would be a fine thing if … parents would have in every bedroom in their house a picture of the temple so [their children] from the time [they are] infant[s] could look at the picture every day [until] it becomes a part of [their lives]. When [they reach] the age that [they need] to make [the] very important decision [concerning going to the temple], it will have already been made'” and he thinks that's a great idea and consequently so do we! Mormon's love to agree with the prophets because they're always right, so we all tend to have a collection of temple pictures hanging about our homes as though they're fine art or something!

And speaking of fine art, here's this beauty!

This is George Fucking Washington! The biggest badass to never be Mormon! But he would have been, a guaranfuckingtee it! Look how piously he prays in a grove of trees just like Joseph Smith did! I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he saw an angel that day!

We also like just about anything by Brother McNaughton! Look at Obama stepping on the Constitution of the United States! Whoever voted for that guy??

Sorry to get political there, but we all know bad things are happening here in the U.S.! I mean, look at gay marriage! The gays are basically shoving their gayness in our faces and down our throats! Even our oldest daughter struggles with same sex attraction! (But we still love her, especially because she's being so diligent about fighting her homosexual tendencies and is staying married to her husband she hasn't had sex with in years!) It's crazy what people think is okay to do! No, it's horrible! Satan really has a lot of influence over the children of Man!

That's why we have to send out so many missionaries! All of our kids have served missions as they have come of age! We have to tell the world that we have standards that we will not back down from! We have a message of love for everyone! And we can't get discouraged when people don't understand that message and reject it! But we can't give up either! Ever!

Framed quotes like these on almost every wall of the house keep me focused and happy! They teach me who I am and make me proud to be that person!

And I'm not the only one who appreciates a little encouragement! Fortunately there are entire stores dedicated to producing and selling these types of wonderful, spiritually uplifting messages for us to fill our homes with! It's such a blessing! It also makes finding gifts for all occasions so much easier!

Thanks so much for coming! We loved having you over and hope you too felt that special spirit that exists only inside a Mormon home! And remember, that special spirit can be yours, if you want it! Maybe we should have you over next week for an FHE with the missionaries!

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