The forgiving god

God forgives generously. Think of all our horrible, awful sins. Swearing, selfishness, lies, stealing, fighting, lust, backbiting, sleeping in church, not blessing your snacks, not doing genealogy, loud laughter, and the list goes on. How can a Perfect Being possibly put up with such shenanigans? Then again I'm not sure how much God even cares.

But let's pretend God does care. I have some serious doubts about him being forgiving. If he's so forgiving, why did Jesus have to pay for our sins? I mean, if Jesus paid for our sins then there's no need to forgive them. FORGIVING A PRICE THAT'S ALREADY BEEN PAID MAKES NO SENSE. It's like hearing your waiter tell you your meal's on the house right after the bill's been paid.

Did Jesus pay the price or not? If he paid the price, God doesn't have to forgive shit (and neither does Jesus, apparently), and teaching that he forgives is nonsensical. If Jesus' brief suffering didn't quite do the job, then I guess God might still have a chance to prove how forgiving he is.

Well, as long as we repent first.

Heavenly fatherliness #26 - Tolerating mistakes

According to popular wisdom, a good father allows his kids to make some mistakes, however, he makes it clear that repeated irresponsibility won't be tolerated.

 Mormon beliefs about Heavenly Father's tolerance of sin suggest a fairly benevolent god, who will forgive us as often as we repent. Of course, if you don't repent you'll be eternally damned, so it's hard to maintain that the Father is entirely benevolent. His approach is "I forgive you only if you're sorry," and yet he asks us to forgive all regardless of whether or not they ask for that forgiveness.

"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:10)

That's called a double standard.

We should also keep in mind that proof of God's forgiveness or of his eternal rage are impossible to find here and now. We have to wait until we die to see how it all plays out. For the time being the Father of the Universe is showing no limits whatsoever as to what behavior he will tolerate.

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father.

Heavenly fatherliness #22 - Challenges

According to popular wisdom, a good father challenges his children, meaning he gives them some liberty to face setbacks, conflicts, and tasks to resolve on their own.

Chalk one up for God being a good father! Mormons totally believe God gives us our free agency so we can prove that we choose his plan and often gives us trials so we can learn about ourselves and gain wisdom through our experiences. God did it! He scored one for being a Good Father!

Actually, God's not so good at this, in my opinion. In fact, it seems he's cut us loose entirely and left everything up to his children to resolve. We have no evidence at all that God has done, is doing, or will do anything for the benefit of his children. All he ever "gives" are setbacks, conflicts, and tasks to resolve.

Worst of all, if you somehow mismanage these setbacks, conflicts, and tasks he'll blame you for it. I can hear him now, "You really should have just trusted in Me more. You didn't have enough faith. You were obviously too proud, too weak, too stupid, too mired in sin to pull yourself out of it. I'm really unimpressed. Lucky for you I'm so forgiving!"

*These attributes represent the popular thoughts of Ask Men’s Jullian Marcus, examiner.com’s Tanya Tringali, and Open Talk Magazine’s Glenn Silvestre as per their respective articles on what makes a good father. 

Letter to God

Dear Cloud Pappy,

Please forgive my brother Lucifer for he knoweth not what he's doing. I know Thou art an angered because Luc made an early power grab and that's why he's now Thy arch nemesis, but we all know that Thou willeth kick his ass, no contest. Seriously, how is this even a contest? How is Thy rivalry with Thy son Lucifer (a.k.a. Morning Star) not one of the silliest rivalries in the existence of the Universe? The conflict between You is as absurd as a grown man arm wrestling a toddler. Maybe worse. A toddler might think he can win against a grown man though he will surely lose, but consider the fact that the grown man isn't even all powerful. Thou art! None can match Thee, oh Father. Luc might think he can, but we all know he can't. Stop holding his pride against him. Be the Bigger Man and forgive him of his infantile ways.

In the name of Oily Josh, amen.

Morning Star and Oily Josh offering Cloud Pappy a little entertainment.

Jesus, our Lord and Annihilator

Torture and death can really change a man. Take Jesus for example. Just before dying on the cross he offered this prayer:

"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

That was pretty big of Jesus and must have been really hard for God. Shit, let's be real! It might have been hard for Jesus too. However it doesn't seem he had much forgiveness left after keeling over. Look how unforgiving the Savior of the World is toward folks on the other side of the world just moments (hours?) after his crucifixion.

"And it came to pass that there was a voice [Jesus'] heard among all the inhabitants of the earth, upon all the face of this land, crying: Wo, wo, wo unto this people; wo unto the inhabitants of the whole earth except they shall repent; for the devil laugheth, and his angels rejoice, because of the slain of the fair sons and daughters of my people; and it is because of their iniquity and abominations that they are fallen! Behold, that great city Zarahemla have I burned with fire, and the inhabitants thereof. And behold, that great city Moroni have I caused to be sunk in the depths of the sea, and the inhabitants thereof to be drowned. And behold, that great city Moronihah have I covered with earth, and the inhabitants thereof, to hide their iniquities and their abominations from before my face, that the blood of the prophets and the saints shall not come any more unto me against them. And behold, the city of Gilgal have I caused to be sunk, and the inhabitants thereof to be buried up in the depths of the earth; Yea, and the city of Onihah and the inhabitants thereof, and the city of Mocum and the inhabitants thereof, and the city of Jerusalem and the inhabitants thereof; and waters have I caused to come up in the stead thereof, to hide their wickedness and abominations from before my face, that the blood of the prophets and the saints shall not come up any more unto me against them. And behold, the city of Gadiandi, and the city of Gadiomnah, and the city of Jacob, and the city of Gimgimno, all these have I caused to be sunk, and made hills and valleys in the places thereof; and the inhabitants thereof have I buried up in the depths of the earth, to hide their wickedness and abominations from before my face, that the blood of the prophets and the saints should not come up any more unto me against them. And behold, that great city Jacobugath, which was inhabited by the people of king Jacob, have I caused to be burned with fire because of their sins and their wickedness, which was above all the wickedness of the whole earth, because of their secret murders and combinations; for it was they that did destroy the peace of my people and the government of the land; therefore I did cause them to be burned, to destroy them from before my face, that the blood of the prophets and the saints should not come up unto me any more against them. And behold, the city of Laman, and the city of Josh, and the city of Gad, and the city of Kishkumen, have I caused to be burned with fire, and the inhabitants thereof, because of their wickedness in casting out the prophets, and stoning those whom I did send to declare unto them concerning their wickedness and their abominations. And because they did cast them all out, that there were none righteous among them, I did send down fire and destroy them, that their wickedness and abominations might be hid from before my face, that the blood of the prophets and the saints whom I sent among them might not cry unto me from the ground against them. And many great destructions have I caused to come upon this land, and upon this people, because of their wickedness and their abominations." (3 Nephi 9:1-12)

Can you say "take it easy, Jesus"? That's A LOT OF REVENGE! This Book of Mormon Jesus just wiped out thousands of people. Entire cities. Men, women, and children. Wow! And this right after dying for their sins. Weird.

God, boys, and country

Why is it that the Church so strongly endorses the Boy Scouts of America? Is it just a convenient institution to occupy church-going adolescents? Could it be that the Church got involved with the BSA in efforts to prove its solidarity with the rest of America? I honestly don't know and the bullshit origin story that the Church celebrated doesn't clear much up. My main point of disgust with the BSA (though there are many) has to do with the fact that it's a celebration of military strength and machoism. Here in the United States duty to God and country is synonymous with military service. It's true that boy scout troops aren't taught military drills (at least most of the time), but the paramilitary shell, with all its prominent signs of honor and accomplishment along the hierarchical track displayed in pseudo-military style, creates the perfect psychological space for a future soldier.

I can't see the Biblical Jesus fitting into any of this. When did Jesus tell the children to dawn uniforms and fixate on war? I don't see the gospel of peace, love, and forgiveness here, but that certainly doesn't mean it doesn't make sense to other people.

Yahweh vs. other gods

Throughout the Old Testament Jehovah worries incessantly that his people will turn to other gods. As I made my way through the entire Bible for the first time it became increasingly clear that to Jehovah and the Israelites the gods of other nations were taken pretty seriously. Jehovah & Co. weren't so much about converting other people to the one true god as much as defeating the other gods and decimating their followers in a show of strength. A few quick examples of Jehovah out to annihilate might include Moses freeing the Israelites from the Egyptians, the Israelites taking over the land of Canaan, and the story of Elijah calling fire down from the sky to burn his offering.

The Elijah story's a little odd, if you ask me, because Jehovah and Elijah behave so badly. First Elijah insults the prophets of Baal, suggesting that Baal might be busy taking a shit because Baal isn't igniting the wood under their sacrifice. That's when Elijah gets showy and orders people to dowse his alter with water so it would be especially hard to light. And Jehovah's totally cool with this sort of braggart showmanship. He sends down his divine flame to consume the offering, and Elijah gathers all the prophets of Baal and kills them despite their recognition that Jehovah was the true god.

What the hell, right? What about baptizing people and accepting them into your midst after they have seen the truth of your words and have confessed belief in God?

Once again I found myself doubting my beliefs in Jehovah/Jesus the more I read the texts that were supposed to convince me.