Whittling our wicks

Even though Jesus supposedly fulfilled the Law of Moses and the uncircumcised have been initiated into God's covenant people since the days of Paul, Mormons in the United States still think it's a very good idea to have their newborn sons' prepuce paired down a tich.

I'm really can't imagine why God thought circumcision was a good practice in the first place. Or why it would be necessary. Didn't God create our bodies just the way he wanted them? So why'd he come back at us with a design adjustment?

 (Circumcision comes at the end...)

For some strange reason, God thought circumcision might be an effective sign of fidelity to him even though the only people who would see this physical sign were the circumcised men and their wives. It would have made more sense to trim down earlobes or something more visible and less functional. Oh well, God's not exactly known for his logic - mystery is more his game.

Let me ask you this: WHY WOULD YOU WORSHIP A BEING WHO SAYS "IF YOU LOVE ME  CUT YOUR PENIS!"? That's pretty messed up. If this reminds you of any of your intimate relationship I recommend you get out of them before you incur any further abuse.

Moving now to modern Mormonism, why exactly it is that members are so okay with this painful and presumptuous practice puzzles me. My guess is that it has more to do with being a part of American culture than than it does God's culture. (Then again, maybe God's insecure enough that he requires all his boys' penises to look like his.)

Mormons (and Americans in general), please stop cutting your sons. If they want the snip they can decide for themselves later. InthenameofOiledJoshua,Amen!

Consummation

One of the most horrible ideas I grew up with had to do with making a matrimonial union official. It's a practice called consummation and the idea is that a couple has to have sex to make their marriage legitimate. The man must "take" the bride for her to "be his" in very fact. No sex, not a real marriage.

It's not a Mormon-born concept and I'm not sure if it counts as Mormon doctrine, but belief in it was alive and well in the Church during my formative years (but probably even more alive in the years Joseph Smith was prophet). My friends and I would sometimes talk about how soon after being sealed we were going to go consummate the marriage. Sometimes we would joke about doing it right away because we'd obviously be so horny right after the ceremony, but just as often we would choose the ASAP option because, according to our logic back then, you wouldn't want a terrible tragedy to happen and not have the marriage count. Either way, there was no time for delay.

Let's get some virgin blood on the sheets!

Libido

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The temple - Adam and Eve

So the temple endowment film is essentially a rehashing of the Adam and Eve story and how they got kicked out of the Garden and then had to learn how to once again gain Elohim's presence. It's not exactly the freshest, most riveting tale anymore but that doesn't mean it can't be interesting. Don't forget that Adam and Eve start things off in their birthday suits!

The Church did a decent job of choosing attractive actors to play the roles and, yes, for all the audience can see, they're naked. Which was weird. It was a little uncomfortable for me to be sitting next to my dad in an amazingly sacred, super sacred place watching a couple of naked people through a camera that's slowly panning around strategically placed plants and rocks. The way it was shot made the whole thing feel rather voyeuristic. I don't think I was the only one who was both nervous and hopeful about seeing a nip slip.

Then again it also felt a bit like the end of Austin Powers - International Man of Mystery. Pretty comical with all those bushes and leaves popping up in just the right places and the shot cutting away just before you see too much.

Once I got over the weirdness of the ceremony in general I found myself thinking more about how hot the two Eves were. I was getting an erection every time I went to do a session. It really didn't feel right.

I wondered who was calling the shots on this whole movie thing. Whoever it was, did they actually watch the final product? And why was I finding the stupid movie even slightly erotic at all? I decided I just had to grow up a bit. It would all make sense one day. No use dwelling on doubts.