Mary Ann Frost Stearns Pratt (Smith) - wife #33

Mary Ann Pratt (January 14, 1809 - August 24, 1891) was Olive's sister. She married apostle Parley P. Pratt in 1837, four years after the death of her first husband, Nathan Stearns, and two years after joining the Mormon church.

Mary Ann, Parley, and Olive served a mission to England together from 1840 to 1843. Mary Ann returned to Nauvoo without Parley and the two divorced shortly after his later return.

Marry Ann was secretly sealed to Joseph Smith by Heber Kimball about the same time as her sister. In 1852 she moved to Utah with her children Olivia and Moroni.

Almera Woodward Johnson (Smith) Barton - wife #23

Almera Johnson (October 12, 1812 - March 4, 1896), Delcena's younger sister. Joseph Smith approached Benjamin Johnson, Almera and Delcena's brother, about plural marriage and marrying Almera at the beginning of April, 1843 during a stay with them in Macedonia, Illinois. Benjamin was shocked (apparently he had not yet found out about Delcena) but came around after hearing Joseph preach that same night about the parable of the talents.

Almera did not buy Benjamin's explanation when he nervously approached her, so Joseph had Benjamin bring her to Nauvoo, where Almera got a talking to from Joseph's brother and right hand man, Hyrum. Hyrum's endorsement tipped Almera over the edge. William Clayton married her to Joseph that same April.

Almera stayed at the Mansion House for three weeks before going back to Macedonia with Benjamin. Joseph would visit and sleep with her again there.

After Joseph's assassination Almera married Reuben Barton. They had five daughters, the third of which, Lois, was mentally impaired and cause of deep guilt for Almera, who felt she was being punished by God for marrying again.

Almera separated from Reuben in 1860. She died in Parawan, Utah.

Elizabeth Davis Goldsmith Brackenbury Durfee (Smith) Lott - wife #12

Elizabeth Durfee (March 11, 1791 - December 16, 1876), Joseph Smith's twelfth wife, gives us yet another case of Joseph marrying a woman who "belonged" to another man. At the time of her marriage to Joseph she was still Jabez Durfee, her third husband following the death of her previous two.

The Durfee's moved to Nauvoo with their ten children (she had had children with both of her previous husbands and Jabez had a few of his own as well) in 1839. She married Joseph Smith in 1842. She was 51 and, like the Patty Sessions, who was also older than Joseph, became a polygamy recruiter. Elizabeth was not a virgin and did not bear Joseph any children. Emma didn't know about this marriage either.

Elizabeth and Jabez separated shortly after Joseph's death. She married again, this time to Cornelius Lott. In addition to finding a fifth husband, she got a sister wife through Cornelius' daughter Melissa, who was also married to Joseph.

Elizabeth never made it out to Utah. Instead she grew tired of the Brighamites and went back to Nauvoo, where she joined Emma and Joseph Smith III in the Reformed LDS Church (Community of Christ).

Marry the prophet! Marry the prophet! Don't disobey!

What, pray tell, is holy about Joseph Smith recruiting older women to help convince young women to marry him? How awful is it to have pressure from both the prophet and a few select older women of the community? Did Elizabeth know that Joseph was having sex with some of his wives or did she think this was all a spiritual thing?

Marinda Nancy Johnson Hyde (Smith) - wife #11

Marinda Johnson (June 28, 1815 - March 24, 1886) joined the Church with her family at age 15. Three years later she was courted by soon-to-be-apostle Orson Hyde. They were married in 1834 and within months Orson was off on a series of missions leaving Marinda and their two children all to their young lonesomeness. The Hydes moved to Nauvoo in 1839 where they had another child.

Then, in April of 1840, Orson was sent to Jerusalem. He was gone for three years leaving his family to suffer financially as well as emotionally. Two years into Orson's Jerusalem mission, Marinda married Joseph Smith. Orson probably didn't know about it before it happened, but within a year of his wife's marriage to Joseph, he also entered polygamy marrying two more women.

Two of Marinda's children Frank Henry and Orson Washington, though they were given the Hyde family name, could have been Joseph's.

Marinda and Orson would stay together for another 27 years - Marinda bearing seven more children and Orson marrying seven more women - until their divorce in 1870.

Such is the bliss of celestial marriage.

Pluralities

The LDS Church currently does not allow its members to have two living spouses. Anyone in the Church with more than one living spouse is most likely keeping it a secret from member friends and local leaders. Consequently most members take the Church's current position to mean that the Church doesn't practice polygamy and others might not believe its part of Mormon doctrine.

However, the fact is that polygamy, when divinely commanded, is a divine principle according to Mormon scripture, and God could at any moment bring it back.

Not that it's actually gone away completely. Currently apostle Dallin Oaks is expecting to live eternally with at least two women. He married Kristen McCain after his first wife, June Dixon, passed away. He is eternally sealed to both women, who get to share his eternal companionship.

 Eternal companion #1

 EC2

Previous wives don't have to be dead though. Today a Mormon man can be sealed to more than one living woman as long as he is only legally married to one and not cohabitating with the one(s) he had divorced. In other words, a man can be sealed in the temple, divorce that wife, and be sealed to another woman even if the first is still alive.

I'm not sure if the Church puts a cap on how many times a man can divorce and be sealed to a new woman, but I do know that there's a cap on how many times a woman can be sealed in the temple while living. Once. Any marriages following a death or divorce are for time only.

Yes, that's sexist. No, I don't think it's right.

Jesus on divorce

It's very clear that Jesus would not be very happy with today's divorce practices.

"I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." (Matt. 19:9)

JC says no divorce unless you've been cheated on and no marrying someone who's been divorced (because they're cheaters!).

I'm not sure who to doubt on this one. Do I doubt Jesus for wanting to force people to stay in unhappy relationships and for showing so little forgiveness to those who have been unfaithful to their spouse at some point? Or do I doubt the LDS Church for not following Jesus' teachings?

Divorce runs rampant in the LDS Church, just like it does in the rest of the Western World. I can't even begin to count the number of temple marriages of people I know personally that have ended in divorce - and not because of infidelity. A lot of those same people have been remarried. Is their married life a sin in Jesus' eyes? Do they not care about Jesus' words on the matter? Have they not read the New Testament? Is the Church in a sinful state for allowing divorce?

It seems the LDS Church might have created for itself a "comfortable" god and some "comfortable" doctrine, and we all know how apostle Jeff feels about that!

Let love in

Mormons are taught early on that they want to be married in the temple. We've been taught that if someone can't or doesn't want to get married in the temple, we should kick their sorry ass to the curb.

George Durrant reported a conversation he had with his fifteen-year-old son. He had asked him, “Where are you going to get married?”

“In the temple,” was the reply.

“Why?”

“I’ve just never thought of getting married anywhere else.”

“Why?” the father pressed.

“Well, that’s where you go so you can be married forever.”

“But,” the father asked, “what if you meet a girl who doesn’t feel that the temple is that important?”

There was a long pause. Then he replied, “Dad, I wouldn’t marry her.”

I can just imagine the numerous conversations shared between Mormon couples in love when they discover that the temple has been eliminated from the equation. My heart swells at all the tear drenched "I'm sorry"s and the understanding "go fuck yourself, you unworthy pig"s that have sent eternal dreams summer-salting off the highway of holy love and into a cold gray ditch of empty Big Gulps and soggy cigarettes. Tragic.

Tragic, but necessary. We can't be placing love of another human over our love for Mormonism. Marriage is so much more. Some teachers of the youth even complain about the expression "marry in the temple" because they feel it makes light of the ordinance and prefer instead "to call the Lord’s way of marriage the 'sealing ordinance' or 'being sealed.'" This isn't just a marriage, it's a godly right of passage; this togetherness isn't simply for time, it's FOR ETERNITY.

Sealings are more than just some silly hoopla Mormons have added to their religion in attempts to legitimize polygamy or an attempt to create an analogous rite to the the highest sacrament of Catholicism, and anyone telling you otherwise is just speculating. The fact is that as much as God loves you, he can't respect your love unless you proved your commitment to him and your spouse at one of his alters. Period. God's house is a house of order (D&C 132:8), and there's nothing confusing or disorderly about making sure everyone on earth who loves him marries in his holy house. So don't worry about the guy who's sealed to three different women, all of whom learned to hate him deeply and divorced him; don't worry about if the atheist grandfather you vicariously sealed to your grandmother probably won't accept the ordinance but your grandma probably will; don't worry that Joseph Smith was sealed to 11 women who were already married to other Mormon leaders; don't worry about your brother who's sealed to an unfaithful woman who doesn't love or deserve him; don't worry about anything, it all makes sense to God.

And yet sometimes I can't help but think about how hard it can be for people to find love and how often the love they find lies outside of their religious culture. Sometimes I think about God being a completely loving and completely understanding father and just how his love and understanding might play out in the eternities. At times I think how strange it is that so many Mormon grandparents are convinced that all you need is a penis, a vagina, and two strong testimonies for a marriage to work. (It's almost as though Spencer Kimball said this: "it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.) And maybe it is a little funny that Mormon kids think that they will conveniently find the person they will marry within their very limited ward boundaries.

Instead of pushing love away because temple requirements get in the way, wouldn't it be more respectful and loving in many cases to trust in God's love and celebrate the love a couple shares with each other? For many people life is too short and too hard to go it alone. It's also true that Mormonism can be very harsh on its single members. Can't God let his children embrace love and companionship as it presents itself without putting harsh parameters on who qualifies?