Filling pockets full of virgins

Isn't it at least a little strange that following Joseph Smith's death many of his wives were divvied up between Brigham Young and Heber Kimball? It's a fact that many of those women didn't meet the requirements for plural marriage in the first place and should not have been married to Joseph, but why would they end up automatically marrying other early Mormon bigwigs? Is there another rule about wives trickling down the chain of hierarchy upon a prophet's death?

What about Brigham and Heber's other wives? I'm sure if we were to look at the lives of each of these sister wives and the situations surrounding their polygamous marriage, as has been done with Joseph's wives, we would find plenty of instances to doubt the divinity and righteous practice of the Law of Plural Marriage. Maybe some day I'll get around to it, but then where would I then stop? How many early Church leaders practiced polygamy? How many women had to cope with the practice despite their better judgement?

Years ago we heard that polygamy helped house and provide for widows. Taking care of the surplus of women is a good thing. We heard that polygamy was needed to boost the Mormon population even though polygamy doesn't actually do that. We were told that only a very small percentage of Mormon men practiced it as if that would somehow make how it was practiced ethical. We even heard our prophet say he did not think polygamy was doctrinal even though the commandment and explanation of it is still contained our scripture.

There's a lot of history here that we could discuss - a lot - and the LDS Church is trying to discuss it as little as possible while still appearing open and willing. What I would like to see is more focus on the people who felt constrained to practice and not on the institutional justifications.

Consummation

One of the most horrible ideas I grew up with had to do with making a matrimonial union official. It's a practice called consummation and the idea is that a couple has to have sex to make their marriage legitimate. The man must "take" the bride for her to "be his" in very fact. No sex, not a real marriage.

It's not a Mormon-born concept and I'm not sure if it counts as Mormon doctrine, but belief in it was alive and well in the Church during my formative years (but probably even more alive in the years Joseph Smith was prophet). My friends and I would sometimes talk about how soon after being sealed we were going to go consummate the marriage. Sometimes we would joke about doing it right away because we'd obviously be so horny right after the ceremony, but just as often we would choose the ASAP option because, according to our logic back then, you wouldn't want a terrible tragedy to happen and not have the marriage count. Either way, there was no time for delay.

Let's get some virgin blood on the sheets!

Melissa Lott (Smith) Bernhisel Willes - wife #34

Melissa Lott (January 9, 1824 - July 13, 1898) moved with her family to Nauvoo in 1842. Her father, Cornelius, managed the Smith family farm a couple of miles south of town. Melissa soon moved in with the Smiths and helped out with Joseph and Emma's children. She moved back home as a single teen.

Then, towards the end of June, 1843, Joseph sent an entourage of secret wives to convince Melissa that she needed to marry him. Eliza Snow, Elvira Holmes, Elizabeth Durfee, and Elizabeth Whitney (mother of one of Joseph's teenage wives, Sarah Ann Whitney) dropped by the Lott farm for a chat.

Nineteen-year-old Melissa was secretly married to Joseph in September. Her parents were present as Melissa and Joseph vowed to keep themselves "wholly for each other" in the capacity of husband and wife. Melissa later confirmed that she was Joseph's wife "in very deed," which is to say they had sex. She even returned to the Smith home that winter. I wonder if Emma noticed anything.

Less than year after Joseph was murdered, Melissa married again, this time to a man named John Milton Bernhisel. Three years later, now in Utah, she married Ira Jones Willes, with whom she had six children: Achsa, Stephen, Lyman, Ira, Cornelius, and Polly.

Melissa lost her husband and son Cornelius in 1863. Achsa and Stephen also died before reaching adulthood.

Desdemona Wadsworth Fullmer (Smith) Benson McLane - wife #31

Desdemona Fullmer (October 6, 1809 - February 9, 1886) was a devout believer from an early age. She had her own First Vision of sorts about ten years before reading The Book of Mormon. She was praying to know which church to join when she was struck down and paralyzed by the power of God. It was in that state that a voice came to her and told her that she would have to wait a while yet before finding the true church.

Desdemona went through a lot with her fellow Mormons. Her family gathered in Kirtland and then in Missouri, where she witnessed the Haun's Mill massacre. She felt resolved to stay in Missouri and weather the persecution, but she and her family were eventually pushed out to Nauvoo in 1842.

In Nauvoo Desdemona first stayed with Joseph Smith and his family. (She most likely knew a few of Joseph's other secret wives, like Emily and Eliza Partridge, Elvira Cowles, and others) She moved out after a year without having married Joseph Smith, but that would be resolved less than six months later.

Desdemona's secret marriage to Joseph caused her to worry that Emma might find out and poison her, so obviously Joseph was not following the first wife's consent rule. On the plus side, she was probably a virgin!

Joseph was murdered less than a year later. Desdemona married Ezra Benson early on in 1846. Some time after Ezra died she married Harrison Parker McLane, with whom she had a daughter, Desdemona, who died the year she was born.

Lucy Walker (Smith) Kimball - wife #24

Lucy Walker (April 30, 1826 - October 5, 1910) moved with her parents and siblings to Nauvoo in the spring of 1841. She saw her family fall apart the following January when her mother died of malaria, Joseph Smith sent her devastated father, John, on a mission, and her and her nine siblings were split up upon Joseph's instruction. Lucy, along three of the other older children, were taken in by the Smiths. She was fifteen at the time.

 "You have Just such a family [daughter?] as I could love." Joseph Smith, Jr.

One day Joseph decided to teach Lucy about plural marriage. He told her that God told him to marry her. He told her it would save her mother. He told her it had to be secret for now but he would recognize her openly as a wife one day beyond the Rocky Mountains. He told her to pray about it. When Lucy hesitated he told her she had until the next day to decide adding that it was a commandment from God. He told her that if she refused heaven's gates would be closed to her forever.

What would you have done? Lucy was distraught. She, of course, decided to place herself on the altar. They were married by William Clayton on May 1, 1843 - the day after her seventeenth birthday. Emma, who was away on business, was not privy in the slightest to this marriage. Neither was Lucy's father.

Lucy, speaking of her marriage to Joseph, stated that she lived with him as a wife (THEY HAD SEX) but it "was not a love matter [...] - at least on my part it was not, but simply the giving up of myself as a sacrifice."

Lucy married Heber Kimball after Joseph's death. They had nine children: Rachel, John, Willard, Lydia, Ann, Eliza (mother of Spencer Kimball), Washington, Joshua, and Franklin.

Emily Dow Partridge (Smith) Young - wife #21

Emily Partridge (February 28, 1824 - 1899) ended up nannying for the Smiths after her father, Edward Partridge, bishop of Nauvoo, died in 1840. A year in Joseph asked Emily if she would be willing to read a secret letter and then burn it. She wouldn't.

Not long after that Elizabeth Durfee stepped in and had a sit down with Emily and her sister Eliza. The topic? Plural marriage.

Joseph approached Emily again on her nineteenth birthday, this time with words she couldn't decline to hear. Days later Elizabeth approached Emily again and send her to meet Joseph at Heber Kimball's home. It was a plot to get Joseph married to her right then and there. Heber's two children were sent to the neighbor's house and Emily was to leave with them, only she was immediately called back with loud whispers. She found herself alone with Joseph and Heber. Joseph explained that God had given her to him. She decided it best to go along with things and marry Joseph. The newly weds didn't consummate their marriage that night, but did sleep together on various occasions afterward.

This, people, sounds like an abduction, not a holy covenant. It resembles abuse, not love.

As usual the marriage took place without Emma's knowledge or permission. Joseph then used the temple endowment oath of wifely obedience to her husband to leverage Emma into accepting plural marriage. Emma was endowed only after accepting the Partridge sisters as sister wives and standing witness to a second farcical wedding.

 Denounce your husband and lose your crown? I think not!

Emma's acceptance of the situation did not last long. She eventually sent Emily and Eliza out of the house.

After Joseph's assassination Emily married Brigham Young, with whom she had seven children.

You can read her autobiography here.

Flora Ann Woodworth (Smith) Grove - wife #20

Joseph Smith's third teenaged bride was Flora Woodworth (November 14, 1826 - ca. 1850). The two met through Flora's father, Lucien, who was the architect of the Nauvoo House hotel. She was all of sixteen years old (and likely a virgin) when she married the prophet early in 1843.

William Clayton

Joseph seems to have been very excited about Flora and, according to William Clayton, met with her fairly regularly. He even gave her some bling: a gold watch.

The marriage complicated life for at least a few people. Emma found out about the relationship (no, she hadn't given her permission) and the gold watch, found Flora, bitched her out, and demanded the watch back. Joseph tried to reprimand her and got hell in return. Upon returning from a mission, Orange Wight, Flora's would be suitor, found out about the marriage and stopped his pursuit. He was nineteen.

Still not used to it, Emma?

After Joseph's assassination Flora married a non-member named Carlos Grove, with whom she had three children (but none with Joseph). She confessed to Helen Mar Kimball that marrying a non-member had caused regrettable ostracization in the Mormon community. The Groves tried to move out to Utah, but Flora died en route. She was in her mid-twenties.

Sarah Bapson (Smith?) - wife #18

Here's the first of the very mysterious possible wives of Joseph Smith. A "Miss B*****" is mentioned in John C. Bennett's The History of the Saints, and in 1899 Lorenzo Snow authorized a proxy sealing for Joseph and "Sarah Rapson." It gets more mysterious still. She's also been identified as Sarah Poulter, Sarah Poulterer, Sarah Davis, and Sarah Royson. I don't know the details.

Suffice it to say that if we are to believe the "Miss" we can perhaps assume she was a virgin. However, I would also assume that Joseph kept this marriage - like the others - from Emma. What I mean is, this marriage, if it happened, didn't follow the rules of plural marriage.

Sarah Ann Whitney (Smith) Kingsbury Kimball - wife #16

Sarah Whitney (March 22, 1825 - September 4, 1873) was only seventeen when her father, Newel K. Whitney, officiated her marriage to Joseph Smith. Newel, who was a close friend of Joseph, was even given a revelation (through Joseph, naturally) that this marriage was a wonderful idea - it would bring earthly blessings and seal the Whitney family's place in the Celestial Kingdom!

Let me emphasize this point: Newel and his wife Elizabeth secretly married their eldest (but still teenaged) daughter to a man 20 years her senior in exchange for a golden ticket to heaven.

People, if this sounds like a huge, manipulative con to you, let me say right now that there's nothing wrong with you. This arrangement looks shady and disgusting, and don't you doubt it!

It gets even shadier still. In mid-August Joseph, hiding from the law, tells Sarah and her parents that it is "the will of God that you should comfort me now" only to follow up with a warning to watch out for Emma, who, according Joseph, was dangerous. Joseph, on the other hand, was just a sick bastard (but at least he followed the divine mandate to marry a virgin).

The shadiness of this arrangement continues. Joseph then arranged a faux-marriage between Sarah and Joseph Kingsbury. I can only assume this was so it would be easier for Joseph to drop by on Sarah without creating suspicion. Very classy stuff. Very holy.

Joseph was killed less than two years later, at which point Sarah's marriage to Kingbury was disolved and Sarah went on to marry Heber Kimball, with whom she had seven children: David, David Orson, David Heber, Newel, Horace, Sarah, and Joshua. Her life ended in Utah before the age of 50.

Eliza Roxcy Snow (Smith) Young - wife #15

 
Eliza Snow (January 21, 1804 - December 5, 1887) was one messed up lady. She was known as a poet from her early years so maybe we should say she was more of a trouble artist type. Some say she lived a life of celibacy, some say she was raped by persecutors of the Church, some say she had sex with both her husbands, some say she was pregnant at one point with Joseph Smith's child. However mysterious her sex life may be, her poetry and autobiographic writings reveal someone who needed some serious help. To put it mildly, she was dramatic as fuck and completely full of herself. I'm amazed anyone wanted to be around her.

Eliza seems to have had a taste for Primitive Church movements. She first joined Alexander Campbell's Christian primitivist movement and then the Mormons. She moved to Kirtland, where she stayed with Joseph and Emma, even after being given her own lot. She moved with the saints to Missouri and then Nauvoo, where Joseph gave her an appointment in the newly organized Relief Society and told her about plural marriage. She was disgusted by the idea for all of a couple of months, and then she married Joseph.

Joseph eventually invited Eliza to live with him and Emma in Nauvoo for what Eliza hoped would be a permanent stay. She took up teaching the Smith children.

Living conditions soon got out of hand. About six months in Emma found out that Eliza was a sister wife, freaked out (Eliza says she kept her cool), and sent her down a flight of stairs (some say with a broom, other say by her hair). Eliza's fall might have prematurely ended a pregnancy, either way, it ended her stay with the Smiths.

It still hurts like like before, doesn't it Emma? 
Maybe worse because Joe didn't learn the first time?
Maybe worse now that it's a self-righteous bitch your own age?

Eliza was a staunch and dishonest defender of polygamy. The same year she married Joseph she sent around a petition in Nauvoo collecting signatures from a thousand women denying Joseph's involvement in polygamy. Later that year she produced a Relief Society document denouncing the practice. 

When Joseph died Eliza stayed close to power; she married Brigham Young (yet another reason why Emma would have no interest in moving out to Utah). Eliza never had any children of her own but she raised or help raise many by other women. She fought for women's suffrage and refused to be powerless. Today she is one of the most celebrated women in the LDS Church.

Delcena Johnson Sherman (Smith) Babbitt - wife #14

With Delcena Johnson (Novermber 19, 1806 - October 21, 1854) we have yet another widow. She was first married to Lyman R. Sherman, with whom she had six children, so right off the bat we can see that Joseph Smith wasn't following the virginal bride requirement. The couple joined the Church together in 1831 in New York. They moved Kirtland, then to Far West, and, following Lyman's death, Nauvoo. Delcena's brother Benjamin took her and her children in.

Then Benjamin was sent on a mission to Canada and before he returned in 1842 Delcena was married to Joseph. Benjamin accepted the marriage without question. Delcena was living with her sister wife, Louisa Beaman. The three of them - Benjamin, Delcena, and Louisa - would eventually all pitch in to convince Almera Johnson, Benjamin and Delcena's younger sister, to marry Joseph as well.

Delcena married a third time after Joseph's assassination, this time to Almon Babbitt. In 1850 he left for Utah without her. She made the trip four years later, eager to no longer be left lonely, only to die within a couple of months of arriving in Utah.

Sarah Maryetta (or Marietta) Kingsley Howe Cleveland (Smith) - wife #13

Sarah Cleveland (1788 - April 20, 1856) joined the Church sometime in the mid-1830, her husband, John Cleveland, however, did not and never did. John, father of Sarah's two children, Augusta and Alexander, was her second husband, the first passing away from illness in the early 1820s.

The Clevelands had been living in Quincy, Illinois since 1836 and in early 1839 they took in Emma and the Smith children while Joseph did jail time. Joseph joined his family at the Cleveland's for a few weeks after his release. Thus Joseph and Sarah got to know one another.

After the Smith's moved to Nauvoo Joseph sent word to the Clevelands that he had reserved a lot for them right across the street from his house. The Clevelands left Quincy for Nauvoo in 1842. That same year Emma chose Sarah as her councilor in the Relief Society and Sarah married Emma's husband behind her back. Very slick.

Sarah was very loyal to Joseph and help defuse a nasty (but true!) rumor that he had married his own sister-in-law, Agnes Coolbrith.

When the saints headed west following Joseph's assassination Sarah and her son Alexander tried to follow only to turn back (with permission from Brigham Young) after four days.

As mentioned in the FMH Podcast episode (linked above), Sarah falls neatly into the typical profile for Joseph's early polygamous marriages. What is that profile? Non-virgin women currently married to other men, not a word to Emma, new wife covers for Joseph and sometimes recruits for him, all while staying with her legal husband. Basically the makings of a secret combination that also doubles as a harem.

Patty Bartlett Sessions (Smith) Perry - wife #10

Patty Bartlett (February 4, 1795 - December 14, 1893) grew up in a non-religious home. At age seventeen she married 22-year-old David Sessions  and had seven children with him: Peregrine, Silvanus, Sylvia, Anna, David, another Anna, and Amanda). David made a living as a farmer, miller, and landlord while Patty learned midwifery. She delivered over 3900 babies in her lifetime.

Patty first encountered the Mormons in 1833 and joined in 1834 after getting David's permission. They soon moved to Far West, Missouri and then on to Nauvoo, where Patty would be sealed to Joseph Smith (almost 11 years her younger) just one month after her daughter Sylvia, who was also in attendance. Willard Richards officiated the ceremony.

After the marriage Patty continued to live with David and accepted the task of training younger women for polygamy. She eventually grew to hate plural marriage as she herself had to learn to share David with another woman named Rosilla. David sent Rosilla out of the house after tension between her and Patty mounted. Rosilla eventually left David.

The Sessions moved to Utah, where David took another wife, 19-year-old Harriott, at which point Patty was essentially left on her own.

After David died Patty married John Perry, but unfortunately for Patty, John also married Harriott, once again leaving Patty alone.

I cannot for the life of me see how the benefits of polygamy might outweigh the pain of rejection Patty must have felt throughout her life. Younger women were constantly being favored over her. Her daughter and sister wife Sylvia was likely getting significant one on one time in the sack with Joseph, her second sister wife stressed her marriage to David, and her third sister wife diverted both David and John from spending much time with her.

Who knows? Maybe Patty wasn't a very pleasant person. She could have been a joyless, demanding, complaining, bore. I also believe it's possible that the polygamous relationships she lived were not inspired. More likely they were occasions where men seized the opportunity to revamp their libido, though in the case of Joseph I suspect it might have had more to do with easing Patty's concerns for Sylvia. Then again, maybe Joseph was interested in being a cougar's cub.

Mary Elizabeth Rollins Lightner (Smith) Young - wife #9

Mary Rollins (April 9, 1818 - December 17, 1913) first met Joseph Smith in Kirtland in 1831 when she was a 12-year-old girl. He made quite an impression on her. She claimed year later that, in addition to receiving a blessing from Joseph on that first encounter, the prophet took her aside and told her that God had commanded him to take her as his first plural wife.

I can't say I believe Mary, though. Joseph testing the plural marriage waters in 1831? That seems a little premature. If we are to believe her, all I can say is HOLY SHIT! A 12-YEAR-OLD? God must have a seriously sick sense of humor.

Mary also claimed that in 1834 in Missouri Joseph was commanded to take her as a plural wife but he chickened out. She would have just turned sixteen.

The next year Mary married the non-Mormon Adam Lightner. By 1840 they were living in Nauvoo with two children: Miles Henry and Caroline (it seems). A third child, George Algernon, would soon follow.

Joseph approached Mary about plural marriage again in early 1842, this time with the whole "an angel's gonna kill me if we don't!" bit (that's right, I don't buy the angel story). This time he added more shit about how "all the Devils in hell" could never get the angel off his back and how God promised he'd be saved thanks to the practice of plural marriage and God can't lie so obviously Joseph will practice plural marriage (which he already was in fact practicing).

Mary said no amazingly enough. She even had the guts to ask if Emma knew about her, to which Joseph dodged with an "Emma thinks the world of you." She still wanted to pray about it real hard first, which she did and got the spiritual confirmation she wanted. It was a beautiful wedding. Very secretive and mysterious. Brigham performed it while Adam was out of town. She, like Joseph's other plural wives, stayed with her husband as Joseph instructed and kept a tight lip about their union. When Adam needed to move his family fifteen miles away for work, Joseph bawled his terrible tears and gnashed his terrible teeth and made sure to prophesy hard times for the Lightners. Their new home was struck by lightening and Mary became deathly ill.

Joseph was killed in June, 1844. Mary was endowed and sealed to Brigham in 1845. She never had a child with either of them. Her long life ended in Utah.

There are a lot of issues with this marriage - the proposal to a preteen, the angel threats, the devil talk, the challenge to challenge God's promise - but if we want to believe all of that we still have to go by the book, don't we? In that case, the thing is that Brigham had no right marrying Mary because she was already sealed to Joseph, who had no right marrying her either because she was not a virgin and consequently "belonged" to Adam, who fathered various children with her. Mary had no rights because she was a woman and considered property of her legal husband.

P.S. There is a possibility that Mary's third child, George Algernon, born in Nauvoo, was Joseph's.

Them there's the rules!

Unlike in other books of scripture, The Doctrine & Covenants contains a very precise explanation of how to properly engage in divinely sanctioned polygyny.

1. Women who are sealed to other men are disqualified because that would be polyandry. (D&C 132:41)
2. The bride to be must be a virgin and
3. you have to ask your current wife or wives for permission. (D&C 132:61)
4. If the wife says no, she's a sinner and the husband is exempt from practicing polygamy. (D&C 132:65)
5. You have to have babies. (D&C 132:63)

The key concept to understand here is that once a woman has sex with a man, she belongs to that man.

"And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified." (D&C 132:62)

Virginity is not a gift that keeps on giving - it's a one time trade - , but as long as you can pile on the virgins you're good. Thus sayeth the Lord.

Chastity - better off dead

When I ran across Heber Grant's comment about "losing" your chastity in the Church manual Gospel Principles I nearly threw up. I read it again hoping I had misunderstood. I read it again because I couldn't believe the words. And again because it still wasn't sinking in. I couldn't imagine any loving parent of any faith tradition believing this kind of bullshit:

"There is no true Latter-day Saint who would not rather bury a son or a daughter than to have him or her lose his or her chastity – realizing that chastity is of more value than anything else in all the world.”

Words of a prophet, people. A modern-day one. This is the kind of enlightenment God has graced his latter-day saints with. Not only should your child be slut shamed, but you as a parent should wish they had died.

Today if you pick up a copy of Gospel Doctrines you won't find this quote (it was removed for the 2006 English edition, if I'm not mistaken), but the this comment and others like it have been spoken, printed, and spread around the Church for decades. I cannot imagine the kind of damage this has caused both parents and children.

I hated this concept. Guilty of sexual indiscretion? You'd be better off dead. Raped? You'd be better off dead. Who says so? The prophets of God. Who cares? Your parents, your siblings, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your friends, your friends' parents, your bishop, your youth leaders, and anyone else who is truly Mormon.

   
The only way I managed to put this one on my shelf was by reminding me that most everyone I cared about probably didn't believe this and they seemed like decent Mormons to me. This was just an old idea, outdated now that we better understand Christ's loving atonement, right?

Young Women's Conference

Women speakers in General Conference were always the worst. They always seemed to adopt an incredibly high, sappy tone similar to the register one uses when speaking motherese. Even from a very early age I found them impossible to pay attention to, so when I found out that there was a Young Women's Conference I was more than happy I was not required to attend. Who the hell needed nearly two full hours of straight Magic Flute voice? Not I.

But once I got out on my mission I had a change of heart. Young Women's Conference was important. The talks addressing the the future women of the Church were important. They had to be - everything the Church has to say is critically important! I was sure I had overlooked the impressive content simply out of bias toward the method of delivery (i.e. middle-aged women in pastels - the typical color choice for LDS women about to go Magic Flute voice all over the microphone). 

I decided to give their talks a fair shake. I needed to know what they were saying. I needed to tune in to the spirit they brought, if not their voices. So I started reading the Young Women's Conference talks from the Conference editions of the Ensign that had piled up over the years in my mission apartment. I don't know how many conferences-worth I read but I do know the more I read the angrier I became.

Why were all of these talks so doctrine-less? All I could really find in these talks to young women was manipulative bullshit about how they all needed to be virtuous because Heavenly Father loves virtue and wants them to be worthy to marry in the temple. Typically in Mormon speak "virtue" means sexual chastity. All the girls were being told, more or less, was "be happy, don't drink coke, don't dress like a slut, and protect your hymen because otherwise you'll make Heavenly Father sad/disappointed/angry". Obey, girls, you don't want to have any regrets on your wedding night!

It was disgusting. I wrote home about it. I asked my family what the was going on. Had Young Women's Conference always been so doctrinally shallow and so socially manipulative? (It just so happens that all LDS conference addresses are shallow and manipulative, not just the YWM talks.)

I doubted the fair treatment of women in the Church. I could see at least one way in which people with a vagina were treated with at least some level of condescension, and I didn't like it. Why would God instruct his servants to dish out a load of fluff to His daughters, the future mothers of Zion? It didn't seem right. When I never received any response from my family and friends on the topic I of course found a way to cope. I doubted my doubts and moved forward with faith.